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I am going out of state to scatter my Mothers ashes next month. I have a cousin that has been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the area and we will be visiting. We are not very close. I would like some way of talking about it if it comes up. I know "How are you" is not a good opener. I don't want to be awkward about it (I am not a people person).
Is there something you can say that is comforting and caring?
I am going out of state to scatter my Mothers ashes next month. I have a cousin that has been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the area and we will be visiting. We are not very close. I would like some way of talking about it if it comes up. I know "How are you" is not a good opener. I don't want to be awkward about it (I am not a people person).
Is there something you can say that is comforting and caring?
Sounds as if you don't really know much about the details other than the diagnosis. I'd let them broach the topic and be aware they may not choose to. Not everyone confides in everyone about such things, especially if you haven't been close and will only be there for a brief visit. They may choose to spare their guests. Allow them to be gracious if they choose. It's something they still have some control over.
So often, people dealing with such a serious diagnosis really value a chance to talk about or focus on ordinary things and to be treated like everyone else...not singled out. They may already feel isolated as it is. Don't assume they want to talk about their illness, but if they do bring the subject up, listen more, talk less. All they may want from you is a willing ear, and simple sincere sympathy: "I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm here to listen if you'd like to talk." Then do it. They may or may not take you up on the offer. There's no right or wrong answer here.
So often, people dealing with such a serious diagnosis really value a chance to talk about or focus on ordinary things and to be treated like everyone else...not singled out. They may already feel isolated as it is. Don't assume they want to talk about their illness, but if they do bring the subject up, listen more, talk less. All they may want from you is a willing ear, and simple sincere sympathy: "I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm here to listen if you'd like to talk." Then do it. They may or may not take you up on the offer. There's no right or wrong answer here.
I agree that they may simply want to talk about ordinary things. Also they might want to convey some family history to any relative they haven't seen in a while (as this would be their last chance to do so).
My parents were very secretive. Many things about them, I did not know until I attended each of their funerals.
I decided that I do not wish to be that guy. So when I got cancer I told everyone.
When I know someone that is terminal, I ask if they have anything remaining on their bucket list. And if so, can I do anything to help them to complete their bucket list.
So often, people dealing with such a serious diagnosis really value a chance to talk about or focus on ordinary things and to be treated like everyone else...not singled out. They may already feel isolated as it is. Don't assume they want to talk about their illness,....
Perfect answer!!
There are the Four Stages of Dying...You probably don't know where the pt is at in the process. Treat them like they're not sick at all, and let them direct things.
You know, I saw my cousin the other day. It was a random visit to a city I never go for a friend's wedding. I knew very few people at the event and my cousin and I decided to meet. We were born 5 days apart, but it had been a couple decades since we saw each other on the regular. I wasn't sure what to expect. We picked a place to eat and the restaurant looked somewhat fancy, but was running very slow. When the waitress eventually came, she apologized, and like a cue my cousin said, oh we're just here for the free bread and water. His deadpan was great....and it was said just in the right way to get the double take and a smile from the waitress. I'd forgotten how he could get me laughing about nothing at all for so long. The time passed and was quite enjoyable. He was worried I'd become a Berkeley style liberal and I was worried he'd become a conservative gun slinging recluse....but the questions were obvious and easy to talk through. We then made our way through the family and promised to do it again....knowing it would likely be awhile.
Still, it was an evening worth remembering. Humor can be a wonderful medicine.
You could always ask them how they are feeling.
This is a general question and allows them to answer it according to how they want to approach their illness. You can take it from there, but it is all fuelled by a genuine concern and interest in their wellbeing. There are many aspects to terminal illnesses I am sure.
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