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Could use a bit of general advice as well as some ideas/thoughts on where I could move next. Feeling a bit lost in life. Thanks in advance
I'm single and in my mid 30's. As the title suggests, I'm from Boston originally. In my late 20's, I moved to Austin with friends and generally had a good time for the next 5 years. However, towards the end, I had grown apart from everyone I moved with, life became a little stagnant, so I ended up deciding to move back to Boston.
Looking back, Austin was a lot of fun. There were LOTS of attractive people. My dating life had never been better. People generally seemed like they wanted to meet new people and hang out. I met a lot of people organically. But I was never able to acclimate to the heat. I thought I was trading a Boston winter for an Austin summer, but I just couldn't do it.
Now that I'm back in Boston, I've found myself feeling like I've made a huge mistake and made a move backwards. I don't think I could move back to Austin at this point, but my life in Boston is certainly not what I thought it was going to be. I have 2 good friends here that I see semi-regularly, but they have partners and are less and less available as time goes on. I also have some family here.
My dating life has also taken a HUGE hit, which is very important to me. As it was both part of my social life in a way and I'm determined to find a partner. I just haven't really been attracted to anyone that I come across (on the apps and in person).
Granted, when I was here last, I was a completely different person. I had lots of friends. I had roommates. It was before COVID. It was basically a whole different life.
My lease is up in a few months and I don't think I want to spend another year here.
The top 2 choices on my list for where to go next are SF and NYC.
NYC, because it will still be relatively close to the friends I still have, family and will be a considerably easier move. I'm also already familiar with train systems and city life, so it wouldn't be drastic change.
SF, because I have a cousin who lives there. Weather is moderate. But, I haven't been since before COVID and I've heard it is not what it used to be. When I was in Austin, I met so many people that had left California.
You scream New Jersey. And before you are like whao whao- NJ has way more urban/denser areas than MA, and is adjacent to NYC.
I really do recommend NJ. I'm in my late 20s now, and find NJ to be a better version of Massachusetts, slightly more politically/climatically moderate, vastly better nightlife/things to do, and decently better transit. NJ is attracting people from NY/MA/PA who want a nice urban lifestyle, but like the option to live without a car, with a car or a hybrid lifestyle. Rent is also decent compared to Boston or NYC. The dating scene here is great.
I live here now and I can choose between 8 or 9 nightlife cities (Jersey City, Hoboken, Newark's Ironbound District, Pt. Pleasant, Seaside Heights, Asbury Park, Morristown, New Brunswick, etc...) to go out in. Also, when I say nightlife, I am not referring to thumping nightclubs... I am more or less referring to cool bars, nice restaurants, rooftop/beach bars or fun places to go to open later. In addition, If you want to utilize NYC (which a lot do not outside work...) you can be as little as 3 minutes away. If you want to go to the beach, you are 45 minutes. Mountains? 45 minutes. Also the subways, light rail and transit in NJ is amazing. Truly becoming a state for the 25-44 year old crowd. As a fellow former Bostonian, I see very few pros to living in Massachusetts over New Jersey. And this is coming from someone who doesn't like NYC much at all.
You say your dating life had never been better when you were in Austin. IMO, it wasn't all that great if you didn't find a partner, unless you are just interested in dating for the purpose of being sociable and are OK with it going nowhere (not finding a partner). It's understandable if you felt you went backwards after moving back to Boston likely because you felt the move from Boston to Austin was a progression in your life. If you move back to Austin, it likely won't be exactly like it was the last time you were there, but it could be better too.
What exactly leaves you feeling antsy in Boston? (best word I can think of) Just the dating scene? Or the general social scene? Lack of things to do?
If you want the ultimate big city experience, then NYC all the way. I moved to Manhattan 10 years ago for a job out of college, only knew 1 person, and have since built an incredible life here.
Everyone on City Data pushes their preferences, but NYC provides so many outlets for dating, socializing, recreation, dining, culture, exploring, professional work groups, etc. If you are up for the adventure and can figure out work, then NYC will not disappoint.
San Fran is a mixed bag for me. It is a unique / cool city, but a bit down on itself, and the offerings / size vs. the high COL doesn't do it for me (I can justify NYC COL). I would rather live in Chicago or Philly than San Fran (comparable cities, lower COL, and more going on, IMO). But I am sure someone on here will give you a good rundown of San Fran positives.
If your work is flexible, and if you are remote, now is the time in your life to explore and move somewhere that is exciting, maybe exotic, unique and offers tons of things that you'll look forward to doing and just has so many options.
If you want to go for it (and I'd advise you to), move to Europe and find a country where you can get a working visa for up to 6 months or a year, and while you are there, travel around to the countries. Countries are so close there, you can pop into 2 or 3 over a weekend, easily, and have the cultural experiences of a lifetime--and the people you meet, whoa-- cultured, educated, experienced and just original. Could make friends for a lifetime too.
If Europe isn't your vibe, go to Asia or Australia, and spend a bit of time there, see if you like it.
Or if you are vibing more stateside, either NYC or San Fran are excellent choices. Both offer incredible amenities, good social lives and tons to do. BUT, I will say, San Fran is much, much smaller than New York, on a social and actual population/amenity scale. It's bigger than Boston, but not by a lot.
Also, I'd throw Seattle or Denver into the mix here for you, stateside, anyway. Both are good cities to meet potential long term bf/gf or partners, and have strong dating cultures/tons to do.
If you want to go for it (and I'd advise you to), move to Europe and find a country where you can get a working visa for up to 6 months or a year, and while you are there, travel around to the countries. Countries are so close there, you can pop into 2 or 3 over a weekend, easily, and have the cultural experiences of a lifetime--and the people you meet, whoa-- cultured, educated, experienced and just original. Could make friends for a lifetime too.
If Europe isn't your vibe, go to Asia or Australia, and spend a bit of time there, see if you like it.
I like this idea. If I were 30 and single I’d get out of the U.S altogether.
It’s generally hard(er) to get work visa in Europe, even in tech. (Many countries are withdrawing the digital normal visa, you need to present a chunk of saving-especially for young people, or passive income from the U.S to sustain your lifestyle in the respective countries.) Many Americans do the student visa (but many work online/digitally on the side. Technically it’s not legally allowed though.) by enrolling at schools.
If financially permitted, take a break, go travel around the world. Re-charge yourself and reset. We all need it in life.
Could use a bit of general advice as well as some ideas/thoughts on where I could move next. Feeling a bit lost in life. Thanks in advance
I'm single and in my mid 30's. As the title suggests, I'm from Boston originally. In my late 20's, I moved to Austin with friends and generally had a good time for the next 5 years. However, towards the end, I had grown apart from everyone I moved with, life became a little stagnant, so I ended up deciding to move back to Boston.
Looking back, Austin was a lot of fun. There were LOTS of attractive people. My dating life had never been better. People generally seemed like they wanted to meet new people and hang out. I met a lot of people organically. But I was never able to acclimate to the heat. I thought I was trading a Boston winter for an Austin summer, but I just couldn't do it.
Now that I'm back in Boston, I've found myself feeling like I've made a huge mistake and made a move backwards. I don't think I could move back to Austin at this point, but my life in Boston is certainly not what I thought it was going to be. I have 2 good friends here that I see semi-regularly, but they have partners and are less and less available as time goes on. I also have some family here.
My dating life has also taken a HUGE hit, which is very important to me. As it was both part of my social life in a way and I'm determined to find a partner. I just haven't really been attracted to anyone that I come across (on the apps and in person).
Granted, when I was here last, I was a completely different person. I had lots of friends. I had roommates. It was before COVID. It was basically a whole different life.
My lease is up in a few months and I don't think I want to spend another year here.
The top 2 choices on my list for where to go next are SF and NYC.
NYC, because it will still be relatively close to the friends I still have, family and will be a considerably easier move. I'm also already familiar with train systems and city life, so it wouldn't be drastic change.
SF, because I have a cousin who lives there. Weather is moderate. But, I haven't been since before COVID and I've heard it is not what it used to be. When I was in Austin, I met so many people that had left California.
I think you need to put on the big boy pants and maybe realize there's more to life than having a "great time dating".
As already mentioned that didn't seem to advance your social life any further and led to moving back to the familiar which isn't the answer, so the new answer is a contrived choice between two cities that combine the characteristics of two places that haven't worked for you?
Has it EVER occurred to you that an Option C might exist that is like neither but could surprisingly fulfill your desire for that "something better"?
Given your propensity for a social life and your perceived demographic a city like Denver or Chicago are proven cities for transplants to young professionals to assimilate into and meet plenty of quality people for dating, and make friends with.
Take a weekend trip and do a little research and look around, the results might surprise you and influence a change.
Maybe the OP had way too high expectations? thought she would return a hero or to what she left, and both her friends and city have changed. I find it hard to be bored in Boston though I think Austin is great if you like to party.
Maybe the OP had way too high expectations? thought she would return a hero or to what she left, and both her friends and city have changed. I find it hard to be bored in Boston though I think Austin is great if you like to party.
I think the issue I had with Boston is that although it is a global city often compared to the top six cities in the United States (New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco DC)…. It packs a punch much above its weight. While that might be a great thing for GDP, things like the social life in restaurant diversity may suffer. When people say Boston is small, they are usually saying that when they compare it to the six cities in regions.
When you combine this with a early closing time, poor public transportation system, no happy hour, then, fear of development… Boston can give some mixed signals in this cohort. And then, especially when you see that the average rent is higher than places like Miami, New Jersey, parts of New York City, DC, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego… If you work remote, you might be asking why am I here?
Although, this conversation would completely change if we were talking about a different subset of people. For example, families absolutely thrive, and greater Boston is the poster child for impeccable, safety, quality schools, quality healthcare, and just overall quality of living. Bar the cost, of course. But OP is not there at this point in his life and neither am I so the value that greater Boston provides is not really seen as worth it to a lot of people our age. Boston is so fun, but it’s not worth the price it asks unless you have a fantastic job in this cohort.
Last edited by masssachoicetts; 04-23-2024 at 07:08 AM..
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