Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
September 28, 2020, that's when my wife slipped these earthly bounds. It was a short emergency. ER on the 18th after she was clearly suffering enormous pain for months. I begged her to go to a doc in the box or ER, but no.
So, ER on the 18th, ICU on the 19th. hospice on the 23rd. On the morning of the 28th I received a call--COVID, very limited visiting hours--that she was gone. Unfortunately she was pretty doped up on pain meds so our communication was limited her entire stay at those facilities.
Her daughter--whom I'd never met and I've later realized why--and her BF were here. They picked up a lot of my wife's stuff, she was yooj into crafts and was an eBay regular and was all over many crafting sites--that I had no need for and the daughter did. So that was good.
Then things got ugly, we ended up in court and the good guys won. As my attorney said we would. It was very ugly and it dragged on for months. Which I guess for court that's not so long. But it destroyed the grieving process, which I'm quite familiar with. One of the best college classes I took was Death and Dying. I later worked as a hospice social worker, and after that as a hospice volunteer. So I was familiar with that road. But no classic grief process occurred for my wife's departure.
It did, later, when one of our cats, Molly, grew ill with an eye disorder. I went to four vets, nobody had Clue #1 that it was cancer. I saw a Dr. Pol (TV veterinarian) rerun many months ago, a horse was brought in to his practice with a red bloody eye.
"Oh, I call that cancer eye!" So four local vets with probably 80-100 years' experience between them and nobody had a clue? Molly was where I got my grieving in, it was a struggle and going to vet after vet and it was either a new scrip for eye drops, or one substitute vet said she'd remove the diseased eye AND Molly's other eye. Yes, let's totally blind a 19 year old cat. Good help is really hard to find.
But the time leading to when I took Molly in for her journey over The Rainbow Bridge was a big grief process. So I guess that substituted for what I didn't have when my wife died, because that was just war afterwards.
Now I have another sick, surely terminal kitty. River, also 19. Vet said he guessed bone cancer. He did not confirm that with X-rays. Huh?
I asked a friend who's run a medical lab for 20+ years give me his take on her blood work and he said the only thing he saw was anemia. So there ya go.
So I've been nursing River along, making sure she has fresh food and lots of TLC. She's a very sweet baby.
To complete this rambling, a few days ago a George Jones song popped into my mind. He Stopped Loving Her Today. That man is one soul singer. And the song is about an ex husband dying. He loved his ex until his dying day, if you don't know the song.
I don't think love dies with physical death, as the song says, but that is an amazingly soulful song and sometimes sad songs help in sad times. I played it a few times today.
I am so sorry about your wife. And about the aftermath that didn't allow you to grieve the way you needed to. I know what you mean about the kitties. And it just so happens that my old kitty, who has heart failure, just rambled into the room where I am sitting. He is in the very tired stage and stops and starts frequently, but is still eating pretty well. We have been spoiling him like crazy.
Take care of yourself as the 28th draws nearer. These anniversaries are always so tough.
September 28, 2020, that's when my wife slipped these earthly bounds. It was a short emergency. ER on the 18th after she was clearly suffering enormous pain for months. I begged her to go to a doc in the box or ER, but no.
So, ER on the 18th, ICU on the 19th. hospice on the 23rd. On the morning of the 28th I received a call--COVID, very limited visiting hours--that she was gone. Unfortunately she was pretty doped up on pain meds so our communication was limited her entire stay at those facilities.
Her daughter--whom I'd never met and I've later realized why--and her BF were here. They picked up a lot of my wife's stuff, she was yooj into crafts and was an eBay regular and was all over many crafting sites--that I had no need for and the daughter did. So that was good.
Then things got ugly, we ended up in court and the good guys won. As my attorney said we would. It was very ugly and it dragged on for months. Which I guess for court that's not so long. But it destroyed the grieving process, which I'm quite familiar with. One of the best college classes I took was Death and Dying. I later worked as a hospice social worker, and after that as a hospice volunteer. So I was familiar with that road. But no classic grief process occurred for my wife's departure.
It did, later, when one of our cats, Molly, grew ill with an eye disorder. I went to four vets, nobody had Clue #1 that it was cancer. I saw a Dr. Pol (TV veterinarian) rerun many months ago, a horse was brought in to his practice with a red bloody eye.
"Oh, I call that cancer eye!" So four local vets with probably 80-100 years' experience between them and nobody had a clue? Molly was where I got my grieving in, it was a struggle and going to vet after vet and it was either a new scrip for eye drops, or one substitute vet said she'd remove the diseased eye AND Molly's other eye. Yes, let's totally blind a 19 year old cat. Good help is really hard to find.
But the time leading to when I took Molly in for her journey over The Rainbow Bridge was a big grief process. So I guess that substituted for what I didn't have when my wife died, because that was just war afterwards.
Now I have another sick, surely terminal kitty. River, also 19. Vet said he guessed bone cancer. He did not confirm that with X-rays. Huh?
I asked a friend who's run a medical lab for 20+ years give me his take on her blood work and he said the only thing he saw was anemia. So there ya go.
So I've been nursing River along, making sure she has fresh food and lots of TLC. She's a very sweet baby.
To complete this rambling, a few days ago a George Jones song popped into my mind. He Stopped Loving Her Today. That man is one soul singer. And the song is about an ex husband dying. He loved his ex until his dying day, if you don't know the song.
I don't think love dies with physical death, as the song says, but that is an amazingly soulful song and sometimes sad songs help in sad times. I played it a few times today.
Ramble over. Anniversary is near.
Beautifully expressed. I am sorry for all the losses and difficulties you have suffered in the past three years.
I am so, so sorry. One thing that really helped me was grief counseling. You may want to try that.
I can totally relate about the pets too. I have had to put both our very old dogs down since my husband died a bit over three years ago. It's heartbreaking. They were the only children we shared but we adored them both.
I am so, so sorry. One thing that really helped me was grief counseling. You may want to try that.
I can totally relate about the pets too. I have had to put both our very old dogs down since my husband died a bit over three years ago. It's heartbreaking. They were the only children we shared but we adored them both.
Condolences and good luck to you.
I'm so sorry you lost both your pooches. You love them the best you can, but they don't live as long as we do. Which is good, I think. I think I've said I promised our eight cats (three inside, five outside) that I would outlive them all, so I can be there for them to the end.
I did go to two grief groups, early on. They were pretty poor. One was run by a preacher who preached, that's not how you run group. You let the group members do the work, you guide as needed and let others process. The other group had a licensed clinician supposedly in charge but she turned it over to a group member who was a control freak and she did not do well. The clinician, a counselor I think, spent most of group time fiddling with her laptop.
I've participated in and led countless groups over the course of my career and in other venues. I've been complimented by other professionals who sat in on my groups occasionally. So I think I know a good group when I see one and unfortunately these two I tried locally were less than helpful. I got the impression that most of the other attendees had never been to another group. So how would they know if the group is good or not?
But you've sparked my interest, I may have to go find a pay to play group. Those others were freebies. There's a lot to be gained from a good group. If I lived in towns where I practiced I'd have a lot better sense of who runs a good group.
Last edited by Dwatted Wabbit; 09-24-2023 at 08:28 PM..
I am so sorry about your wife. And about the aftermath that didn't allow you to grieve the way you needed to. I know what you mean about the kitties. And it just so happens that my old kitty, who has heart failure, just rambled into the room where I am sitting. He is in the very tired stage and stops and starts frequently, but is still eating pretty well. We have been spoiling him like crazy.
Take care of yourself as the 28th draws nearer. These anniversaries are always so tough.
Thank you. And thank you for taking good care of your elder kitty. Buds for life!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
Beautifully expressed. I am sorry for all the losses and difficulties you have suffered in the past three years.
Thank you. Life goes on, but sometimes it gets pretty weird.
Late bf frequently quoted Hunter S. Thompson: "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
Ha! Hunter S. Thompson. That brings a chuckle or two to me. If anyone should be an authority on weird, it would be Hunter S.
What did Hunter S Thompson say about dying?
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride! '”Mar 31, 2023
But wait, there's more:
Former managers for the actor Johnny Depp have alleged he spent $3m firing the late author Hunter S Thompson’s ashes from a cannon.
“All I’m doing is trying to make sure his last wish comes true,” said Depp at the time. “I just want to send my pal out the way he wants to go out.” Depp played gonzo writer Thompson in the 1998 movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas – the two men remained friends until Thompson’s death in 2005.
Thompson, who shot himself aged 67, had said that he would like his ashes scattered in such a fashion. “He loved explosions,” said Thompson’s widow, Anita.
Former managers for the actor Johnny Depp have alleged he spent $3m firing the late author Hunter S Thompson’s ashes from a cannon.
“All I’m doing is trying to make sure his last wish comes true,” said Depp at the time. “I just want to send my pal out the way he wants to go out.” Depp played gonzo writer Thompson in the 1998 movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas – the two men remained friends until Thompson’s death in 2005.
Thompson, who shot himself aged 67, had said that he would like his ashes scattered in such a fashion. “He loved explosions,” said Thompson’s widow, Anita.
OK, back on topic now...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yes, let's totally blind a 19 year old cat. Good help is really hard to find.
