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I find this statement ironic since the adoption industry consistently tells us that birth mothers give up their children out of selfless love. So which is it? You love a baby so much that you give it away or you love a baby so much that you keep it? The dichotomy is interesting.
Interesting point, that I hope those who side with the family will address.
I cannot feel sorry for the adoptive parents at all, because they knew upfront that the father had not been informed and learned very quickly that the father wanted his child, yet they chose to proceed. That they would use the name of God to justify their actions almost makes it worse.
There are a lot of unanswered questions here and I think the story will look differently when all is said and done. I am confused that he was "deployed" to SC. Did he PCS there or was it temporary duty. I thought deployments were overseas. Having been in finance for the military and having been in the military myself with a son on active duty, something isn't right here. Let's wait until the facts are revealed before sending this child to a father that we know little about. The relationship between himself and his wife could be very revealing.
I just wanted to clarify this question, you can be "deployed" anywhere for any length of time, it does not have to be overseas. My husband "deployed" for a week within the states, but it is still a deployment regardless. Deployment simply means putting a soldier somewhere other than their base for a length of time, i mean they can technically be "deployed" within the same state.
If the agency involved is a member agency of the National Council for Adoption - then I certainly hope Mr. Chuck Johnson and his team at the NCFA investigate and determine if the agency contravened the NCFA's agency code of conduct requirements to be members.
Wow, very interesting piece. Apparently, the father provided financial support, insurance, and had filed for a leave to be present for his child's birth. Hardly, abandoned at all.
I cannot feel sorry for the adoptive parents at all, because they knew upfront that the father had not been informed and learned very quickly that the father wanted his child, yet they chose to proceed. That they would use the name of God to justify their actions almost makes it worse.
I also don't feel sorry for the birthmother.
I agree completely. The one who has suffered most, and continues to suffer due to adult error/selfishness, is the little girl.
They loved the child. Anyone would drag their feet.
They loved the child at the moment that they received the child with the legal paperwork clearly stating that the paternal rights were NOT granted, and the father was fighting for this child?? No, they were selfish individuals unconcerned with the child or the father's rights, and are directly responsible for the turmoil this child will have to endure by being ripped from them. Their own turmoil, they deserve.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714
Do you know if in Utah, a father has to be notified? And is that dependent on his marital status? Or is it due to the law you mentioned?
In Utah, the father has a rediculous short window to declare he wants custody, this window closes even if the father has no idea that the mother had delivered the baby and is putting it up for adoption in Utah, or aware of the hoops he has to jump through.
Quote:
Originally Posted by forum_browser
I cannot feel sorry for the adoptive parents at all, because they knew upfront that the father had not been informed and learned very quickly that the father wanted his child, yet they chose to proceed. That they would use the name of God to justify their actions almost makes it worse.
I also don't feel sorry for the birthmother.
me, too. No sympathy at all. This is NOT a case were a loving adoptive family thinks a baby is theirs and then something pops up. They knew there was a father wanting that baby from the very beginning.
I am sure it is painful for the APs, but their pain, and more importantly that of the child, has been greatly increased due to their specific action of choosing to not relinquish the child when her father appeared.
Interesting about the international adoption, and something I had never really heard about until this forum. Aren't your girls mostly grown? Have they ever expressed any interest in finding out what their birth story is? And is that something they can learn from the agencies, even if they are not comfortable meeting their birth parents (sorry if that is not the right word)?
And if you do not want to answer my next question I understand, but do you think that the agencies prey upon APs more in the international adoption industry or domestic?
This information depends on the birth country. Some have very good records, and some don't. Also, some countries really, really track down birth families to sign off on the adoption. In Russia, they have to get permission from pretty much every living relative, including grandparents, in order for the adoption to go through.
Update to the original story - includes some really troubling concerns.
Readers' comments on this update are enlightening, too. Take a look.
My first impulse upon first hearing of this sad case, was to feel pity for the adoptive parents as well as for the father, and of course, most of all for the little girl herself. Now, learning more about them, it seems that they are being quite selfish and appear to have strong senses of entitlement. Their tactics in attempting to keep custody of Teleah are ethically dubious - they seem to feel the ends transcend the means. I have rapidly lost any sympathy I may have initially had for these people, whom I first thought were unwitting victims of a legal snafu by the adoption agency. They are far from that.
I hope Teleah is reunited with her father at the first opportunity, and wish her and her dad well.
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