The Three Worst Comments Adoptive Parents Don't Want to Hear (stories, children)
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Those of us who have adopted children of different races usually have a few stories (or maybe too many to remember). It baffles me why people think they need to comment on the makeup of a family.
Dh, myself and our son are white; our daughter is black/white. My favorite is when they believe and ASK if I had an affair! In front of my children! I'm talking complete strangers, although this has happened with casual acquaintances as well. They say my daughter looks like me so clearly, that's the only logical conclusion to draw... Fortunately, families are becoming more blended so we'll hopefully see less and less of this in the future.
Those of us who have adopted children of different races usually have a few stories (or maybe too many to remember). It baffles me why people think they need to comment on the makeup of a family.
Mine big one is when people ask, in front of my children, if they are *really* brother and sister. I want to answer, no, actually they are a married couple. WTH? I correct them about biology, but...I mean it happens so much.
By now, with such a huge blended family, its mostly water off a ducks back with me.
It amazes me how ignorant some people can be. I have a friend who has two adopted children of another race and someone once asked her if she adopted them because no white kids were available.
Thanks for posting this! I love that question "Does she know who her real family is?"
I always answered "Of course she does! She lives with us!"
There was a time when all of this would have upset me. I've honestly reached a point in life though where most of these kinds of insensitive comments do nothing more than mildly amuse me. They do offer a window of insight into the person making them though.
Twenty-eight years ago, we adopted an infant with Down syndrome and If ignorance is bliss, I have met a LOT of blissful people. I just had no idea how what seemed like the majority of people felt about adoption, "raising another person's child", "you just never know........." or disabilities "Your son is so lucky........." or "Your son will always be like a little child." Happily, my older son never differentiated our younger son as anyone other than his younger brother.
Reading the article and these comments, I find it mind blowing that anyone would say such things. I'm curious is anyone here has just directly asked them, 'why in the world are you saying/asking these things?!', and what has been the reply. Do they ever realize just how out of line they are even when it is pointed out?
yes once I did. My 3 year old bio son was tow headed while our Korean born less than 1 year old daughter was well...Korean.
I had to run in the grocery store for emergency supplies and was in quite a foul mood. We got too much attention everywhere we went (South Georgia 31 years ago) and I was hoping I didn't have to put on my happy Mama face and deal with well intentioned A holes and their nosey stares and questions. When all of a sudden a young woman appeared and innocently said "What beautiful children. Are they both adopted?"
I jumped down her throat with "What the hell gives you the right to walk up to a perfect stranger to ask such a personal question."
The look on her face haunts me still. I immediately apologized and told her every single time I go in public I get stares and usually rude comments so I was loaded for bear before I even got in the store. She graciously accepted my apology after I insisted I KNEW she meant it as a compliment and she said she never thought about how often I must get comments. We chatted for a minute till I was sure she wasn't going to burst into tears.
On the way out the store my son said "Am I adopted too?"
From then on out I developed a thicker skin and either ignored idiots and their questions or developed a sense of humor.
Once a lady came up to me and said "Oh isn't she adorable. She must look like her father." I didn't hesitate for a second and said "I wouldn't know. I didn't get a good look at his face" and walked away. That was FUN.
Now we have two Vietnamese daughters, live in a much more progressive community and nobody looks at our family twice.
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If ignorance is bliss, I have met a LOT of blissful people.
I just had no idea how what seemed like the majority of people felt about adoption, "raising another person's child", "you just never know........." or disabilities "Your son is so lucky........."
or "Your son will always be like a little child."
Happily, my older son never differentiated our younger son as anyone other than his younger brother.
