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These are some common excuses. And yet many have absolutely zero problems adopting from foster care every year. I certainly haven't. The truth is that people just want shiny brand new babies. Not that I don't understand the appeal. My son's newborn bio sister was just placed with me a few weeks and it's been a different kind of joy.
Relative adoptions via the foster care system is consider the preferred placement if the child cannot be placed back with the biological parents.
What you are calling "excuses" are real system barriers for couples that are attempting to non-related child from foster care.
Relative adoptions via the foster care system is consider the preferred placement if the child cannot be placed back with the biological parents.
What you are calling "excuses" are real system barriers for couples that are attempting to non-related child from foster care.
I'm calling them excuses because I've been there, done that. My son came home at 13 as a non-related child. It was unexpected because it was outside my preferred age range, and I was also intending only to foster at the time. It certainly has been a lot of hard work. I had to undertake extra training and education to prepare myself to parent a teenager who had experienced a lot of trauma. I am navigating puberty and dating and also therapists and doctors. There's a learning curve, to be sure, but I'm finding there's also a significant learning curve with figuring out what to do with a newborn. I've also had to undertake extra training and education to parent a baby, just like all new first time parents because the knowledge of what to do doesn't just magically exist in one's brain.
These system barriers you discuss are really just excuses. Every excuse you've offered has a reasonable rebuttal. All parents need to educate themselves, regardless of how their children come to them. Adoptive parents can request to only receive referrals from legally free children if they do not wish to navigate the TPR process. Bam, two of the biggest excuses you've offered easily solved.
When people say "i would adopt an older child but it's just too hard and impossible", what they really mean is that they don't want a child, they want a shiny new baby. Everything else is an excuse.
I know that your history on this topic is...challenged, so I'll be refraining from responding to you again in this thread.
Last edited by SkyeBright; 07-23-2016 at 07:25 PM..
I think this statement is easy to make, but the implementation of a program to adopt older children out of foster care is very difficult. In our county, social workers rarely file the paperwork to terminate parental rights. This is the first step required to start the process of adoption. For children age 12 and up, they must agree to be adopted. Many of them will refuse due because they don't believe that the system can help them. And lastly, couples must be found that have the training to parent these children with all the problems that they acquired via whatever brought them into care and whatever problems they acquired while in care. And it does not help when your county is routinely fined by the federal government for stating that the permanency goal for older children is long-term foster care and violating the various federal adoption laws.
Lastly, there is such a level of mistrust between foster parents and case workers, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to make any forward progress toward adoption. It does not help when the case worker changes every month and none of the foster children records can be located. I don't know how a couple can make an informed decision if there are missing or no records for the child in question.
As has been pointed out to you multiple times, these are your experiences in your city/state/county but they are not the norm across the country. Hundreds of foster kids are adopted or given legal guardianship in this country every year. Your sweeping generalizations are inane (are you inside the mind of every foster kid over 12? No, you're not.) and your characterizations of social workers are flat out wrong. There are bad people in every profession, but to state that social workers just don't bother to do their jobs is ridiculous.
You have decided the difficulties you have seen and encountered must be the norm for everyone trying to adopt from foster care, but you are wrong.
I find it interesting that Moonbean, our anti-adoption person, loves to states that my foster care experiences are "not the norm."
And while I've only lived in one county, I have had the opportunity of going to two foster care conferences where hundreds of county's foster care representatives were present. It was very interesting to hear that my experiences mirrored their experiences. There were hundreds of counties represented at these conferences. Here are a few of the concerns that we all had in common:
1. Non-relative adoption were not the preferred foster care type of adoption. As a result, they rarely occurred.
2. Relative adoptions were the preferred foster care adoption. As a result, they were the only type of adoption that happens in our counties.
3. Almost all foster care agencies want long term foster care as a permanency option. This is NOT a permanency option according to the federal Adoption and Safe Act.
4. Almost all foster care agencies have been and continue to be fined by the federal government for violations of the Adoption and Safe Families Act
5. Almost all foster care agencies had children die in their care.
Now I agree that attending two of these conference does not make a good sample size, it does not make my experience with foster care any more or any less relevant than your experiences with foster care. I glad you were able to adopt your sister's child. I glad she is a stable, safe and permanent home. I'm glad you were able to adopt a deeply troubled 13 year non-related child into you home. I'm glad that your county has the resources to support you in parenting a deeply troubled child. Not all counties had these resources. Not all counties have the ability to train parents to parent these older troubled foster children. Perhaps you can share how your county foster care agencies provided these services and training programs.
Perhaps that would be a more positive way to move the conversation forward than simply state that my experiences don't matter or did not happen.
I find it interesting that Moonbean, our anti-adoption person, loves to states that my foster care experiences are "not the norm."
And while I've only lived in one county, I have had the opportunity of going to two foster care conferences where hundreds of county's foster care representatives were present. It was very interesting to hear that my experiences mirrored their experiences. There were hundreds of counties represented at these conferences. Here are a few of the concerns that we all had in common:
1. Non-relative adoption were not the preferred foster care type of adoption. As a result, they rarely occurred. "Rarely" is subjective. What percentage of adoptions in your county are relative and what percentage are non-relative?
2. Relative adoptions were the preferred foster care adoption. Legally, relative adoptions are given preference. This is a fact. As a result, they were the only type of adoption that happens in our counties. "Only" relative adoptions are occurring in your county? 100% of the time?
3. Almost all foster care agencies want long term foster care as a permanency option. Please source this. Since foster is more expensive than adoption in the short and long term, this is illogical. This is NOT a permanency option according to the federal Adoption and Safe Act.
4. Almost all foster care agencies have been and continue to be fined by the federal government for violations of the Adoption and Safe Families Act Please source where this statement can be confirmed. While many agencies are fined and continue to work through regulations that are nearly impossible to be compliant with, there are many agencies that are managing to make progress in our area. I would love to see your statistics on "almost all" being noncompliant.
5. Almost all foster care agencies had children die in their care. Again, please source.
Now I agree that attending two of these conference does not make a good sample size, it does not make my experience with foster care any more or any less relevant than your experiences with foster care. I glad you were able to adopt your sister's child. I glad she is a stable, safe and permanent home. I'm glad you were able to adopt a deeply troubled 13 year non-related child into you home. I'm glad that your county has the resources to support you in parenting a deeply troubled child. Not all counties had these resources. Not all counties have the ability to train parents to parent these older troubled foster children. Perhaps you can share how your county foster care agencies provided these services and training programs.
Perhaps that would be a more positive way to move the conversation forward than simply state that my experiences don't matter or did not happen.
While we cannot, and should not, discount your opinions or experiences, it is also very unfair to others looking for information and factual data to assist in their own decisions to hear you spewing negativity. You paint with a very broad brush and your insinuations that all agencies and social workers are criminal or inept is simply not true. Challenges do exist. You are not helping with these types of posts.
There are many infants in foster care, we adopted one. It is completely dependent upon state, county, city. Some places have few, some have many. Socio-economic factors play a big role too...why are these children being removed?
In affluent areas, it is hard for the state to remove children because the family has resources to fight the charges and/or the neglect is mitigated by hired help (totally legal). So, while abuse and neglect occur in these homes, it is often unreported or resolved in the families favor. Also, unwanted pregnancies are often terminated before term so adoption is not necessary.
Infants are fast-tracked for adoption because the bonding relationship needed is seen by social workers and the courts to be crucial (and it is); so they really don't like to move infants once placed for adoption. Foster Care is another story. If an infant is in Foster Care and reunification doesn't work, then that family will have "first rights" to that child, who may be as old as 3 by then.
You'd have to track toddlers in care...many started off as infants with the goal of reunification. This is slowly changing however, as not all can be reunified. Thus, more infants are being adopted sooner in states/counties where there is a high percentage of them.
As far as there not being enough to adopt...there never will be, this is impossible. Likewise, there will always be women or men who cannot have biological children. This is a fact of life.
I get calls all the time for for infants coming into care. Last week, I had four separate calls, despite my home being listed as 'on hold' rather than 'open for placement'. I'm spending time thinking about agreeing to one placement as my children's mother is pregnant again and it's important to me to try to keep siblings together if possible.
In a lot of places, my area in particular, there is a high need for homes that will accept babies even if there aren't that many babies coming into care, relatively speaking. I have found that foster parents tend to accept higher age ranges simply because caring for infants, especially several over a short period of time, can create a hardship with their employment and finances. Getting the babies into day care can take time, the state can take a long while to start the day care payments leaving the foster parents out of pocket for it, there are a lot of appointments the baby needs to get to each week, etc.
To be honest, though, I don't understand the need people have for fresh-from-the-womb babies. I don't at all feel that my parenting experience is any better with my daughter because she came to be as a newborn than it has been with my son who came to me as a pre-teen/early teen. These experiences have been different, for sure, but one is not better than the other. I've experienced so many firsts with my teenage son that have been just as joyous as the firsts I get to experience with my infant daughter. I never expected to raise an infant. I was interested in building my family, but more interested in providing families for those who needed it.
While we cannot, and should not, discount your opinions or experiences, it is also very unfair to others looking for information and factual data to assist in their own decisions to hear you spewing negativity. You paint with a very broad brush and your insinuations that all agencies and social workers are criminal or inept is simply not true. Challenges do exist. You are not helping with these types of posts.
and if you review this file it will detail the fines that the state of Wisconsin paid for the year 2011 for violations of federal foster care regulations. (~13k)
All fifty states are represented at this website. A summary of the complaints/fines will confirm all the points I have made.
I don't think it's in anyone's "best interest" to ignore the problems in the nation's foster care system or hide them stating we must protect the foster children privacy. At least in the conferences I have attended these problems are openly discussed and solutions are actively pursued. Ignoring them or stating "you spewing negativity" isn't a path to resolving these issues.
I get calls all the time for for infants coming into care. Last week, I had four separate calls, despite my home being listed as 'on hold' rather than 'open for placement'. I'm spending time thinking about agreeing to one placement as my children's mother is pregnant again and it's important to me to try to keep siblings together if possible.
In a lot of places, my area in particular, there is a high need for homes that will accept babies even if there aren't that many babies coming into care, relatively speaking. I have found that foster parents tend to accept higher age ranges simply because caring for infants, especially several over a short period of time, can create a hardship with their employment and finances. Getting the babies into day care can take time, the state can take a long while to start the day care payments leaving the foster parents out of pocket for it, there are a lot of appointments the baby needs to get to each week, etc.
To be honest, though, I don't understand the need people have for fresh-from-the-womb babies. I don't at all feel that my parenting experience is any better with my daughter because she came to be as a newborn than it has been with my son who came to me as a pre-teen/early teen. These experiences have been different, for sure, but one is not better than the other. I've experienced so many firsts with my teenage son that have been just as joyous as the firsts I get to experience with my infant daughter. I never expected to raise an infant. I was interested in building my family, but more interested in providing families for those who needed it.
Our local foster care agency states their are no infants in care. AdoptUSKids also states this. AdoptUSKids states that only children 8 years and older are "sometimes" available for adoption. Other like you state there are several, many, lots of infants in need of homes/adoption. It just odd there is such mixed messages coming out of the foster care system.
I also would be interested in how many infants are placed into foster care and adopted at a later date but do not qualify for this statistic due to age at time of adoption? We have two that came to us directly from the hospital but were almost 5 and 2.5 years when adoption finalized.
I also wonder if this number includes special needs babies? It seems like a lot of special needs babies/children end up fostered and passed on and on, never really getting a final home.
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