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All parents endure expenses - sounds like they will be financially okay fostering, since they have cash to fork over to agencies.
Yes, this. If someone complains that fostering doesn't pay enough money, are they financially stable enough to adopt and become full time parents? Probably not. And it's definitely not fair to place a child into a financially stressed home, where every bite of food has to be accounted for.
Fostering a child is totally different than adopting a child and I can readily see why someone would not want to become a foster parent. My wife and I didn't think we could handle the idea of taking care of a child for months/years only to have he/she leave our household and return to another family. If people want to be foster parents than good for them. It doesn't change the fact that its a completely different thing than adoption is.
However, the crux of this is that someone who is quite old wants to adopt. There are good reasons for imposing age restrictions on perspective adoptive parents. Older ages tend to correlate with worse health. Older ages mean that the average person has fewer years to live and be a parent than average people of younger ages. Older people are more likely to be disabled at a time when children need physically healthy parents. There are no absolutes in life, but it doesn't mean that there aren't good solid reasons for adoption agencies imposing age restrictions. I adopted my youngest child at age 39. I have to admit even that was tough at times. I remember plenty of times I was trying to find the stamina to keep up with my youngest. She says I did it though--so who knows who was right?
I think maybe these people should be counseled to adopt dogs or something like that. Adoption probably is not realistic. Foster care is not something a lot of people would want to do.
Does the group have any recommendations for adoption agencies that will work with older couples (45 to 55 years of age)? I would also include successfully work with an Older couples that would led to a finalized adoption. We already have two couples filing claims against agencies for discriminating against older couples.
Your state agency welcomes prosepective parents of all ages. These are public agencies and the cost is minimal.
I know of several agencies that work in Bulgairia, and children and parents are matched on a case by case basis. Older parents are welcome, but they are not referred to infants and toddlers. They are encouraged to adopt children or sibling groups who are in danger of aging out, and becoming homeless.
Most middle age and better parents, are not looking for infants.
Many countries are more open to older parents because there really is nothing for a child after 16. They will be homeless. Older parents - (including Grand parents) raising children is nothing new.
There are many reasons to adopt older children that are mutually benificial. Most important from my stand point, would be the transition from late childhood, into the teen years, and then into early adulthoods, and independence. The adoptive parents should be ready to guide their child or children into an apprropriate college major, or trade school.
These kids may try one idea, and find out that just didn't work, they may decide to study in a distant city, and realize that dorm life is too much like orphanage life, or they just chose the wrong major.
I think that mature parents who do not have excedingly high expectations, are uniely suited to this task.
Are you serious? What a totally nasty thing to say.
In their present trajectory as they run the clock and adoption is becoming rare, their chances are greater for fostering IF they truly want to help children.
Your state agency welcomes prosepective parents of all ages. These are public agencies and the cost is minimal.
I know of several agencies that work in Bulgairia, and children and parents are matched on a case by case basis. Older parents are welcome, but they are not referred to infants and toddlers. They are encouraged to adopt children or sibling groups who are in danger of aging out, and becoming homeless.
Most middle age and better parents, are not looking for infants.
Many countries are more open to older parents because there really is nothing for a child after 16. They will be homeless. Older parents - (including Grand parents) raising children is nothing new.
There are many reasons to adopt older children that are mutually benificial. Most important from my stand point, would be the transition from late childhood, into the teen years, and then into early adulthoods, and independence. The adoptive parents should be ready to guide their child or children into an apprropriate college major, or trade school.
These kids may try one idea, and find out that just didn't work, they may decide to study in a distant city, and realize that dorm life is too much like orphanage life, or they just chose the wrong major.
I think that mature parents who do not have excedingly high expectations, are uniely suited to this task.
Finally, a relevant and helpful post without prejudice against adoption! Thanks for the accurate and helpful info, Sheena.
One clarification - unless an older child is part of a sibling group (with younger siblings), sixteen is presently the cut-off age for international adoption by American citizens, sadly. However, it might be possible to arrange for a student visa for an older teen to study here, then go the green card route and eventually attain US citizenship, but it's a tough road that's fraught with red tape, legal perils and pitfalls. However, some families have successfully navigated this route and eventually adopted teens brought here this way.
I know a number of families who've successfully adopted older kids internationally, my own extended family included - their children were nine and almost seven when they came home, ages which worked well with their adoptive parents' ages, then around 40 - 45.
If adoptive parents are open to special needs, many more beautiful children in need of loving families will be available to them. In many other countries, "special needs" can include very minor, correctible or treatable conditions as well as more significant conditions. In some cases, sibling groups of more than three kids, with the older children being over age five, are considered "special needs".
See Reece's Rainbow for more info. about international special needs adoption - they've assisted over 1,700 children to find loving families since RR began about twelve years ago.
Each country from which RR lists kids has its own requirements for adoptions, but a healthy married couple in their 50s should be able to apply to adopt "older" children - "older" starts at around age five in many places, sadly - or sibling groups without much difficulty.
In their present trajectory as they run the clock and adoption is becoming rare, their chances are greater for fostering IF they truly want to help children.
1. What about the "trajectory" of the life of a 14 year old in an Eastern European orphanage?
How is that going to go, when they are 16 and are kicked out and have no one to help them? Are you aware that most of them become prostitutes and drug addicts in order to survive?
2. Have you heard about people who are raised by grandparents?
3. NO ONE ADOPTS PURELY BECAUSE THEY WANT TO "HELP CHILDREN" Get REAL!
When two 15 year olds get pregnant - do they do that to "HELP CHILDREN"?
When a couple in their mid twenties marry and decide to have children, they don't do it to "HELP CHILDREN".
4. When that same couple couple turns thirty, finds out they can't have kids and decides to adopt, they do it to "HELP CHILDREN". They do it to have a FAMILY.
1. What about the "trajectory" of the life of a 14 year old in an Eastern European orphanage?
How is that going to go, when they are 16 and are kicked out and have no one to help them? Are you aware that most of them become prostitutes and drug addicts in order to survive?
2. Have you heard about people who are raised by grandparents?
3. NO ONE ADOPTS PURELY BECAUSE THEY WANT TO "HELP CHILDREN" Get REAL!
When two 15 year olds get pregnant - do they do that to "HELP CHILDREN"?
When a couple in their mid twenties marry and decide to have children, they don't do it to "HELP CHILDREN".
4. When that same couple couple turns thirty, finds out they can't have kids and decides to adopt, they do it to "HELP CHILDREN". They do it to have a FAMILY.
Warren, I'm largely in sympathy with what you are saying.
What has to be faced though is the fact that there is a sizable segment of people out there that just doesn't like adoption. You can't discuss it with them without hearing a list of horror stories that are very subjective, often told and retold, that involve "birth mother coercion", "selling of children", and singling out a small number of cases where adoptive parents abused or neglected a child they adopted. Many people who feel this way, do not express themselves openly. However, their views are very real and are a major factor in why the domestic and international adoption process is grinding to a halt.
Perspective adoptive parents are under no more obligation than anyone else to help children or contribute to general child welfare. For that matter, I'd like to know how much money those who oppose international and domestic adoption are contributing to child welfare charities. I suspect its very little.
People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. Sadly, they will continue to do so.
1. What about the "trajectory" of the life of a 14 year old in an Eastern European orphanage?
How is that going to go, when they are 16 and are kicked out and have no one to help them? Are you aware that most of them become prostitutes and drug addicts in order to survive?
2. Have you heard about people who are raised by grandparents?
3. NO ONE ADOPTS PURELY BECAUSE THEY WANT TO "HELP CHILDREN" Get REAL!
When two 15 year olds get pregnant - do they do that to "HELP CHILDREN"?
When a couple in their mid twenties marry and decide to have children, they don't do it to "HELP CHILDREN".
4. When that same couple couple turns thirty, finds out they can't have kids and decides to adopt, they do it to "HELP CHILDREN". They do it to have a FAMILY.
Within the context of this couple, their opportunities for having the privilege of parenting will be fostering because of their ages - that's just being realistic. If this couple can try to adopt the children over in Eastern Europe, they should go for it because those children need help. Agree about grandparents raising children is fine, if that's what they want. Agree, that a couple marrying and having children do that to have a family and same difference with the two fifteen year olds - they're their biological children for whom by default they must raise. With adoption it's always been about helping the children who lost their families or need capable parents, not what we want or the fact that we couldn't have our own bios. Thinking otherwise reeks of entitlement, spews opportunity for predatory antics towards children who already have families (including grandparents who are willing to raise the grandchildren of the two fifteen year olds) but lose them to such silliness that so and so deserves a family because they can't have their own. This veiled covetousness, sanctioned by adoption agencies who want to make a profit has insidiously crept in society's conscienceless - so it's not entirely your fault or others who think this way. Finally, many adoptees dislike being identified as being seconds when their parents couldn't have their "own" which is another reason why we must remain with the original definition for adoption. This isn't anti-adoption, though - just honoring the real meaning for what it's about.
Does the group have any recommendations for adoption agencies that will work with older couples (45 to 55 years of age)? I would also include successfully work with an Older couples that would led to a finalized adoption. We already have two couples filing claims against agencies for discriminating against older couples.
Our last adoption was 10 years ago at age 47, and at one point had started paperwork for an adoption that would have occurred around age 50. So there were some options at the time.
I agree with the poster that suggests looking into an International adoption of an older child......age 10 or older.
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What a totally nasty thing to say.
