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My husband gave him up for adoption to his ex and her husband so I do not think inheritance is an issue
John has never wanted to get to know Joe,even when Joe turned 18....my daughter just told me recently that she has a hard time understanding why he never wanted to at least meet him once . John told my daughter and I that he was fine with Joe in our lives and we have invited John to join us for lunches etc and he always said "no thank you" so we went ahead and met up with Joe and his ex wife a few times here and there. John sees pictures of Joe and his current wife and their 2 year old daughter not only at his parents house, but he sees the ones I receive as well and he always smiles and looks almost wistful a little bit.
Joe has told his wife and she told me that it is up to John to contact him since he gave him up, and therefore the card etc will not happen because Joe will not make first contact and I get that. I do send their child Christmas and Birthday gifts and John is fine with that as well.
Joe is a great guy and John's ex really did a great job raising him and I am glad he turned out so nice. he gave a beautiful eulogy at Johns dads memorial service as well.
My husband is old school and he will not go to counseling as I have tried that several times.
You all have been so great listening and advising me though!!!
Thank you for your reply.
Hope your husband will be able to eventually be in Joe’s life, but be prepared that it may not happen..
I would explain to your daughter that her father was perhaps a victim of the circumstances- life could be tough; and she should try to understand and not judge her father.
- it may depend on the judge’s decision: due to adoption papers the grandparents were allowed the relationship with Joe; that gives him a reason to even claim his share of their estate - depending what the intentions of the parties - the grandparents may even willingly provide for Joe? Or even he could stop being a good boy and decides to claim?
- it may depend on your husband’s state of mind too - he may include Joe into his final plans as sort of amends? You may never know now or in the future…especially if you go first or if your daughter has falling out with her father?
Proceed with caution: be careful what you wish for as it may come true.
Are you ready to show your affection to Joe with the money?
Apologies for being so assets focused - saw a lot of trouble the assets could generate in the families
Last edited by L00k4ward; 02-13-2024 at 08:14 AM..
Thank you for your reply.
Hope your husband will be able to eventually be in Joe’s life, but be prepared that it may not happen..
I would explain to your daughter that her father was perhaps a victim of the circumstances- life could be tough; and she should try to understand and not judge her father.
- it may depend on the judge’s decision: due to adoption papers the grandparents were allowed the relationship with Joe; that gives him a reason to even claim his share of their estate - depending what the intentions of the parties - the grandparents may even willingly provide for Joe? Or even he could stop being a good boy and decides to claim?
- it may depend on your husband’s state of mind too - he may include Joe into his final plans as sort of amends? You may never know now or in the future…especially if you go first or if your daughter has falling out with her father?
Proceed with caution: be careful what you wish for as it may come true.
Are you ready to show your affection to Joe with the money?
Apologies for being so assets focused - saw a lot of trouble the assets could generate in the families
Hmm thank you for your advice, I will look into it for sure! I just feel that the adoption process and all was a good thing as John thought the stepdad could give him a good life, which he did before he died, but feel that no one thought into the future how this would take effect with future people ie daughter, grandchildren etc. Joe's wife is heartbroken that her their childs grandpa has not been interested in meeting up....I know I sound like a broken record!!
Hmm thank you for your advice, I will look into it for sure! I just feel that the adoption process and all was a good thing as John thought the stepdad could give him a good life, which he did before he died, but feel that no one thought into the future how this would take effect with future people ie daughter, grandchildren etc. Joe's wife is heartbroken that her their childs grandpa has not been interested in meeting up....I know I sound like a broken record!!
Yes, start with the adoption papers if you have an access to them - see if anything is mentioned or omitted - it depends how good was the adoption attorney.
- Some states give the right for adopted children to inherit from birth parents,
- Most of the states do not have this automatic right, but have exceptions
- Some states make certain exceptions to allow adoptees to claim inheritance from their birth parents, other birth related relatives - and main factor it seems is re-establishing the relationship with the birth parents and other relatives - that is what you are doing against your reluctant husband?
In your case the grandparents never lost any relationship with their grandson - so Joe may have rights for their assets
In any case, it often depends how strong the claims are, the assets involved, some other factors and the opinions of the judges.
If no assets to dispute - then all of the above is a moot point.
The slightly funny part that the birth parents who gave up their children can never inherit from them - and I don’t know of any exceptions.
Last edited by L00k4ward; 02-13-2024 at 10:53 AM..
So, Johns mother just asked him if we could all go over to Cape Coral for her 90th birthday and she wants to invite his son, wife and child and he said "no, I am not comfortable with that, I have not been part of his life all these years now and we cannot just pretend to all be one big happy family" . I told him, "ok I get it, but understand that he will be invited to our daughter's wedding" and he said" I know and that is fine'. So i think in a smaller intimate setting, it will always be no, but at a larger less intimate setting like her wedding, he will be fine as there are others that will be there to be a buffer so to speak. I have no idea what his mother answered to that, but I call her about once a week so I am sure I will hear soon enough. I feel sad that he is putting his own feelings in front of his own mother's(shes been an amazing beautiful kind mother all his life). He also said "he has never reached out to me either" and to that I said "well, most people would say that it is up to the adult parent to reach out to their kid", especially in this (weird) circumstance where everyone except John was allowed to stay in touch with Joe. I am pretty upset that he said no, but I have to consider his side of this and accept it. There will always be a part of me that is "mad" at him for being this way towards his own flesh and blood, but I have to just accept this and move on, even if he is hurting more than just his mother
I'm gonna have to unfollow this thread. How terrible that you all continue to push him in your husband's face. I would leave all of you in my dust.
I understand clevergirl67, it is a very awkward issue and I am genuinely happy that your family accepted your decision and stayed out of it, I sometimes wish his side was the same
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