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Hi all, I'm new here so I apologize if I make any mistakes and also my poor Engrish.
For the background I'm from SE Asia and moved right to AZ 8 years ago. I'm living with my big family in south Phoenix. They all moved from CA years ago due to the high cost of living. They seem to like it here. However, I don't really like it myself. I'm graduating from ASU next year and I want to move out of state so bad.
Spoiler
Why? Having lived here for 8 years I've realized the desert theme is not for me at all even though I tried my best to appreciate it. I don't mind the heat, but personally my life feels somewhat lacking here. I'm starting to miss the lush green, the lakes, the ponds, and the Rain that were literally right in my backyard in my home country. I'm not a fan of having to drive hours to the North to see all that for just a couple times a year. I don't really care how many bars and sport activities out there because I'm not really into them, but the bland spread out scenery mixed with beige colored houses is getting old fast. I'm sorry if I sound ignorant here, but that's how I feel and I'm ready to take any criticism. My point is, I'm not blaming where I live, it's just not for me.
I have a big extended family (parents, sister, grandma, uncles, aunts, cousins...) and I love them more than myself, so if I move I'd like them to move with me and you know that's literally impossible. I was thinking when I get married my mindset might change and I'll just move out with my wife just like most people, but I don't know, at the moment I'm not buying into that idea.
So everyone, what advice would you give me? What's your opinion about Phoenix? and Did you move out of state with/without family before?
I would say focus on your first job as a priority to launch your career. You may get a good offer at another location or you can always work to get a job in another area after you get experience. Big picture is trying out other places to find out either you like them better or not is a good idea.
I agree with Tall Traveler's advice. You're starting your career and it may bring you someplace else, or...it may start here. The desert certainly is not for everyone and my advice is to apply for work in the places where you think you would like to live.
At this time in your life you can detach from the family "nest" and try living/working wherever you want. Other than leaving the nest, you don't have other commitments to consider. Getting out on your own will teach you so much about what you want for your own life and where you want to try living it. No one is required to stay in one place for their entire lives...go forth and discover! If you don't listen to that inner voice you might grow to resent the family ties that exist now. It isn't as if you'll be leaving the country and you can always go home for visits. Gaining your independence will make you a stronger and happier person. That will be good for everyone. IMO, no family should pressure you to stay where you are. I realize there could be cultural differences in play here but you can respectfully resist them.
FWIW, my family was firmly rooted in S California and no one had any interest in moving anywhere else. As far back as I can remember I never liked the place...hated the climate, didn't share the same interests in the activities people did there, the local scene, nothing. I always yearned for something different. Getting out on my own and exploring other states was the best thing I ever did. I worked all over the US and ended up in Alaska. I had finally found my "place" and love my life here. Just because I was farther away from family geographically didn't really change our relationships that much. Instead of communicating across the dinner table, we stayed in touch by phone, periodic visits, email, whatever.
Take your opportunity in both hands now while you can!
At this time in your life you can detach from the family "nest" and try living/working wherever you want. Other than leaving the nest, you don't have other commitments to consider. Getting out on your own will teach you so much about what you want for your own life and where you want to try living it. No one is required to stay in one place for their entire lives...go forth and discover! If you don't listen to that inner voice you might grow to resent the family ties that exist now. It isn't as if you'll be leaving the country and you can always go home for visits. Gaining your independence will make you a stronger and happier person. That will be good for everyone. IMO, no family should pressure you to stay where you are. I realize there could be cultural differences in play here but you can respectfully resist them.
FWIW, my family was firmly rooted in S California and no one had any interest in moving anywhere else. As far back as I can remember I never liked the place...hated the climate, didn't share the same interests in the activities people did there, the local scene, nothing. I always yearned for something different. Getting out on my own and exploring other states was the best thing I ever did. I worked all over the US and ended up in Alaska. I had finally found my "place" and love my life here. Just because I was farther away from family geographically didn't really change our relationships that much. Instead of communicating across the dinner table, we stayed in touch by phone, periodic visits, email, whatever.
Take your opportunity in both hands now while you can!
So, OP, have you thought about where you'd like to live? If it's greenery you want, and a change from adobe-colored homes, you wouldn't have to move far; Flagstaff is surrounded by beautiful evergreens, and is cooler due to the higher elevation. It also has snowstorms in winter, but people manage. Has a university, an astronomical observatory and research station, and other points of interest. You'd be close enough to visit your family regularly, if that's important to you.
What field is your degree in? As others have mentioned, you could use that as your passport to greener climes. If you miss the rain from back home (SE Asia), you could consider western WA or western OR. The greater Seattle area might be beyond your economic means just starting out, but there are other options. Aside from that, there's the East Coast.
At this time in your life you can detach from the family "nest" and try living/working wherever you want. Other than leaving the nest, you don't have other commitments to consider. Getting out on your own will teach you so much about what you want for your own life and where you want to try living it. No one is required to stay in one place for their entire lives...go forth and discover! If you don't listen to that inner voice you might grow to resent the family ties that exist now. It isn't as if you'll be leaving the country and you can always go home for visits. Gaining your independence will make you a stronger and happier person. That will be good for everyone. IMO, no family should pressure you to stay where you are. I realize there could be cultural differences in play here but you can respectfully resist them.
FWIW, my family was firmly rooted in S California and no one had any interest in moving anywhere else. As far back as I can remember I never liked the place...hated the climate, didn't share the same interests in the activities people did there, the local scene, nothing. I always yearned for something different. Getting out on my own and exploring other states was the best thing I ever did. I worked all over the US and ended up in Alaska. I had finally found my "place" and love my life here. Just because I was farther away from family geographically didn't really change our relationships that much. Instead of communicating across the dinner table, we stayed in touch by phone, periodic visits, email, whatever.
Take your opportunity in both hands now while you can!
Parnassia,
I think it's great that you found "place" in the world to dwell where you can live a happy, prosperous life. I hope your post inspires others to explore until they find their "place".
Hi all, I'm new here so I apologize if I make any mistakes and also my poor Engrish.
For the background I'm from SE Asia and moved right to AZ 8 years ago. I'm living with my big family in south Phoenix. They all moved from CA years ago due to the high cost of living. They seem to like it here. However, I don't really like it myself. I'm graduating from ASU next year and I want to move out of state so bad.
Spoiler
Why? Having lived here for 8 years I've realized the desert theme is not for me at all even though I tried my best to appreciate it. I don't mind the heat, but personally my life feels somewhat lacking here. I'm starting to miss the lush green, the lakes, the ponds, and the Rain that were literally right in my backyard in my home country. I'm not a fan of having to drive hours to the North to see all that for just a couple times a year. I don't really care how many bars and sport activities out there because I'm not really into them, but the bland spread out scenery mixed with beige colored houses is getting old fast. I'm sorry if I sound ignorant here, but that's how I feel and I'm ready to take any criticism. My point is, I'm not blaming where I live, it's just not for me.
I have a big extended family (parents, sister, grandma, uncles, aunts, cousins...) and I love them more than myself, so if I move I'd like them to move with me and you know that's literally impossible. I was thinking when I get married my mindset might change and I'll just move out with my wife just like most people, but I don't know, at the moment I'm not buying into that idea.
So everyone, what advice would you give me? What's your opinion about Phoenix? and Did you move out of state with/without family before?
Both my wife and I left both of our families, long time friends and everything that we were familiar with just to get the hell out of that God awful State of New York. It just got to the point that we couldn't take living there anymore. Living back there was incompatible with our lifestyle and beliefs. I've always had a love for and lifelong desire to live in the Great American Southwest, Arizona in particular. Back there at least for us it was like shoveling s**t against the tide. So I guess that we were in the same situation as you? Family and friends aside being miserable where you live is not living it's existing.
Now that we've lived here for over 11 1/2 years. We have absolutely no desire of ever going back not even for a visit. Sure we miss our families and old friends but that's about it. You should consider yourself lucky as you've got your whole life ahead of you. Knowing what I know now if I had the opportunity I would have gotten the hell out of New York the minute I graduated high school.
So my advise to you would be to find a place where you'd really want to live. Subscribe to the local newspapers, spend time doing on-line research along with several trips to area's where you think that you'd want to live. Preferably during the summer and especially during the winter. As those two seasons are typically the most harsh weather wise. 4 months of intense summer heat or 4 months of bitter cold miserable winters? Take your pick. I considered New York to be dismal, dank and dreary for at least half the year. During the winter everything looked gray and reminded me of death. Summer's were hot, humid and sticky. You sweat like a pig once you step outside and if you don't douse yourself with insect repellent you'd get eaten alive by mosquitoes.
When you find that special place, once you graduate from ASU start looking for employment there. Once you find a job, get married and settled in you'll end up making new friends and finding new activities. After a short time it will feel like you were born and raised there. No, you don't sound ignorant, you're just not happy where you live. Just like we were. It's a great big wonderful country everyone's lifestyles and desires are different. If you spend the time looking, there's a place for just about everyone. You just have to carefully weigh the pro's and con's of each place before making a decision that will change your life.
How your significant other feels is important too. The two of you have to be happy as well. At first I had a hard time convincing my wife to move. Mostly because of her fear of the unknown. But we worked from home and had the opportunity to live anywhere we please as long as we had internet access. After our first trip out here my wife loved it. We made several other trips finding a place to live. Once we settled on a place where both of us were happy. We sold our house and here we are.
So everyone, what advice would you give me? What's your opinion about Phoenix? and Did you move out of state with/without family before?
Move. You can visit family, or they can visit you. If you don't like it here, you don't like it here.
We moved here and everyone followed us, and we friggin' LOVE it here. It is so nice to not be subject to California lunacy any more. I can't understand why anyone would choose to do that to themselves, but props to those who do rather than stay here and try to turn AZ into the same kind of garbage dump CA cities have become.
Move. You can visit family, or they can visit you. If you don't like it here, you don't like it here.
We moved here and everyone followed us, and we friggin' LOVE it here. It is so nice to not be subject to California lunacy any more. I can't understand why anyone would choose to do that to themselves, but props to those who do rather than stay here and try to turn AZ into the same kind of garbage dump CA cities have become.
New York's the same way. Except California has much nicer weather and landscape. But the lunacy is what's driving a lot of people out. Once we started working from home there really was no rational reason to remain in New York.
All of our family and friends thought that we were out of our minds moving so far away to a state where we knew absolutely no one. But I just couldn't take all of that crap out there anymore. It was worth taking the risk. New York is a hopeless cause. It will never change at least not to my liking. The only thing they're good at out there is making more and more people miserable and driving them out. I can't understand why anyone would choose to do that to themselves either? They just don't know when to butt out of peoples lives while picking their pockets to pay for it.
Once we got out here, we had such a feeling of euphoria. At last a tremendous burden has been lifted off of our shoulders. It's a great feeling to be able to buy things that you want instead of watching it get flushed down into a giant cesspool of corruption. New York's motto used to be "The Empire State" now it should be called "The Vampire State" as it sucks the economic life blood out of those who live there. That is unless you're filthy rich or dirt poor.
Last edited by Ex New Yorker; 11-05-2021 at 06:18 PM..
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