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I don't dare post a poll because this would be one poll toward which every other person would kvetch about his or her favourites being left off the ballot, and they'd be right to do so. So let's just compile . . . baseball's most memorable quotes.
Herewith a few to launch:
I said 'no guts' to a kid who went on to become a war hero and one of the greatest lefthanded pitchers you ever saw. You can't say I don't miss 'em when I miss 'em.---Casey Stengel, who farmed out Warren Spahn as a nervous rookie who declined to brush a hitter back with the 1942 Boston Braves . . . and managed him again, when Spahn turned up opening the 1965 season as a Met.
I played for Casey Stengel before and after he was a genius.---Warren Spahn, for his part. (Stengel, of course, managed twelve pennant winners and ten World Series champions with the Yankees, 1949-60.)
We try every way we can to kill this game but for some reason nothin' nobody does never hurts it.---Sparky Anderson.
Don't matter if you're ugly in this racket---all you got to do is hit the ball, and I never saw anyone hit one with his face.---Yogi Berra.
I see these young kids around me fighting for a pennant and it tells me one thing: "Willie, it's time to say goodbye to America."---Willie Mays.
By the time you learn how to play this game properly, you can't play anymore.---Frank Howard.
Jesus H. Christ himself couldn't get me out!---Ted Williams.
On my tombstone it will read, "Cause of death: Boston Red Sox."---Cleveland Amory.
For most baseball fans, the saddest words of tongue or pen are, "Wait 'till next year." For us Cub fans, the saddest words are, "This year is next year."---George F. Will.
Open the window, Aunt Minnie, here she comes!---Bob Prince, the longtime voice of the Pittsburgh Pirates, calling a home run.
Deep to left, way back, it is going, gone, forget it, goodbye.---Ralph Kiner, longtime voice of the New York Mets, calling a home run.
There are twenty thousand people in the stadium and a million butterfilies.---Vin Scully, the longtime voice of the Los Angeles Dodgers, during the ninth inning of Sandy Koufax's perfect game.
If (Pete) Rose's (hitting) streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.---Jerry Coleman, longtime voice of the San Diego Padres.
Winfield goes back---he hits his head on the wall! And it's rolling back into second base!---Coleman.
Jesus is the Answer! What was the question? Who's Felipe and Matty's kid brother?---Graffiti in San Francisco, when the Alou brothers played for the Giants.
The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level.---Chuck Lamar, when he was general manager of the pre-pennant winners in Tampa Bay.
The fans love home runs, and we have assembled a pitching staff that will please them.---Clark Griffith, owner of the Washington Senators.
Washington---First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League.---Charles Dryden, San Francisco Chronicle.
The umpire says, "Play ball," he doesn't say, "Work ball." I'm not complaining. I asked to be a ballplayer.---Willie Stargell.
My idol was Bugs Bunny, because I saw a cartoon of him playing ball - you know, the one where he plays every position himself with nobody else on the field but him? Now that I think of it, Bugs is still my idol. You have to love a ballplayer like that.---Nomar Garciaparra.
If my horse can't eat it, I don't want to play on it.---Dick Allen, on artificial turf.
There have been only two geniuses in this world. Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare.---Tallulah Bankhead.
What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs.---Harry Caray, longtime voice of the Chicago Cubs.
There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them work. ---Charlie Lau, legendary batting instructor.
Gary Gaetti following a late season 1984 Twins game in which he bounced a ball off Kent Hrbek's leg contrinbuting to a loss and knocking them out of playoff contention... "It's hard to throw with both hands around your neck"
Tug McGraw when asked how he felt about turf: 'I don't know - I've never smoked it.' When asked what he'd do with the bonus he received for winning the World Series - 'I'll spend most of it on booze and women and waste the rest.'
Wee Willie Keeler (lifetime .345 BA, fifth best in baseball history) was asked about the secret of his success. He replied, simply, "Hit 'em where they ain't."
You can forget that other fella. You can forget Waddell. The Jewish kid is the best of any of them.---Casey Stengel, on Sandy Koufax. ("The other fella" referred to Walter Johnson.)
I don't use foreign substances. Everything I use is made in the U.S. of A.---George Frazier, when accused of putting foreign substances on his pitches.
I'd love to be my wife for one day---so I can see how wonderful it is to be married to me.---Andy Van Slyke, center fielder and wit.
Hell, Killebrew was lucky. If I had to face our pitching staff, I'd have hit ten.---Dick Stuart, Boston Red Sox, after the 1963 season ended in a set between the Minnesota Twins and the Red Sox and all that was left for either team was to see whether Harmon Killebrew---who hit a few bombs during the series---or Stuart (who hit a couple fewer) would end up the American League's home run champion. (Killebrew won the race.)
Forget it. You guys are trying to figure out in fifteen minutes what nobody figured out in fifteen years.---Yogi Berra, happening in on a meeting of American League All-Star pitchers as they began discussing how to pitch Stan Musial.
No. Leave me alone. I want to spend ten minutes in the same place with this guy without him busting up a ball game on me.---Casey Stengel, touring Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in England, visiting its baseball exhibit, and coming upon a wax likeness of Musial, when urged by a member of the Yankees' touring party to move along and not hold up the lines. (Stengel had managed the Boston Braves in the early 1940s . . . )
If music be the food of love, by all means let the band play on.---Bo Belinsky, Los Angeles Angels pitcher/playboy/flake.
Can you imagine finding Jesus Christ in Las Vegas?---Belinsky, who converted to Christianity while working for an automotive distributorship in Vegas, a few years before he died of a heart attack brought on by a battle with bladder cancer.
I only won 28 games in the big leagues and I bet I got more mileage out of that than Steve did with three hundred wins.---Belinsky, after appearing at an autograph show seated next to Hall of Fame lefthander Steve Carlton.
Tommy John versus Don Sutton. If anyone can find one smooth ball from that game, they ought to send it to Cooperstown.---Unknown sportswriter, after a game between the Yankees and the Angels, pitting suspected spitballers Tommy John and Don Sutton against each other.
You're getting warmer. But it's not in here.---Note Don Sutton left in a finger of his glove, found by an umpire who frisked him on the mound looking for contraband.
Sandy has only two flaws. He can't park, and he can't hit.---Whitey Ford, after the 1963 World Series---in which the Dodgers swept the Yankees (and Koufax had beaten them twice)---when Koufax was awarded a spanking new Corvette as the Series' most valuable player . . . and found a $15 parking ticket on the windshield, because Sport (which awarded the prize) had had the car parked on the sidewalk outside the banquet where Koufax was presented the award.
I can figure out how he won 25. What I can't figure out is how he lost five.---Yogi Berra, after Koufax waxed the Yankees twice in the 1963 World Series, referring to his 25-5 regular-season won-lost record.
Tug McGraw when asked how he felt about turf: 'I don't know - I've never smoked it.' When asked what he'd do with the bonus he received for winning the World Series - 'I'll spend most of it on booze and women and waste the rest.'
Our pain isn't as deep as you think. Stones don't bleed.---Bill (Spaceman) Lee, after the Red Sox lost the 1975 World Series in seven games.
In 1967 I set a major league record for passed balls, and I did that without playing every game. There was a game, as a matter of fact, during that year when [knuckelball specialists] Phil Niekro's brother and he were pitching against each other in Atlanta. Their parents were sitting right behind home plate. I saw their folks that day more than they did the whole weekend . . .
[T]his conglomeration of greats that are here today, a lot of them were teammates, but they won't admit it. But they were. And a lot of them were players that worked in games that I called. They are wonderful friends, and always will be. And the 1964 World's Championship team. The great Lou Brock. And I remember as we got down near World Series time, Bing Devine, who was the Cardinals' general manager at that time, asked me if I would do him and the Cardinals, in general, a favor. And I said I would. And he said, "We'd like to inject you with hepatitis. We need to bring an infielder up" . . .
I had a great shoe contract and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff. Bat orders?I would order a dozen bats and there were times they'd come back with handles at each end. You know, people have asked me a lot of times, because I didn't hit a lot, we all know that, how long a dozen bats would last me? Depending on the weight and the model that I was using at that particular time I would say eight to ten cookouts.
---Bob Uecker, during his Hall of Fame induction speech. (He was inducted as a broadcaster.)
Bet you didn't know:
We tried everything. Fastballs, curveballs, inside, outside, nothing worked. Bob Uecker owned Sandy Koufax.---Jeff Torborg, a Koufax catcher, remembering how the Hall of Fame lefthander would sweat trying to find ways to get the light-hitting Uecker out---Bob Uecker, of all people, owned a .400 batting average against Koufax in 1965.
"If you don't have a catcher, you're gonna have a lot of passed balls."
(Casey Stengel, on why the Mets drafted a catcher as their first selection in the 1962 expansion draft).
Specifically, the catcher was Hobie Landrith.
The actual quote, by the way, was, "You hafta have a catcher, or else you'll have a lot of passed balls." (Sorry---I'm a Met fan since the day they were born and read Breslin's impeccable book about that first season, Can't Anybody Here Play This Game, the title itself inverting what Stengel actually did say . . . )
After Casey Stengel talked about a half hour worth of "Stengelese" at Washington politicians during a 1958 senate sub committee investigation with baseball on the agenda (sorry, it would take FOREVER to post it), the senators and congressmen were either giggling, sitting there dumbfounded, or just flat out laughing. Next up on the block comes Mickey Mantle and in that classic Oklahoma drawl, he states " After hearing all this I pretty much agree with everything Casey said." GREAT!
Last edited by DOUBLE H; 10-13-2009 at 10:21 PM..
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