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When I moved my Mom to where I live she already had a dog which of course I knew. The dog came with her and at that time my Mom took her dog for lots of walks.
But due to her dementia (early stage) and not knowing the area she kept getting lost. She walked the dog into a busy road and almost got hit by a car. I was home most of the time and went I went to sleep my Mom would sneak out and take the dog outside for a walk.
We have a no-kill shelter here so I took the dog and after a long interview gave the dog to this place and within 6 weeks the dog was adopted. I did this to save my Mom from harm.
Please do not get a dog for your Mom. You are not helping her but hurting her if you look at the complete picture.
My mom lost her dog a few months ago after a long illness. She has been adamant that she wants another dog. SHe is 87 and is fairly disabled...can't walk well and uses her walker often for fear of falling, not because she really needs it to walk. She lives in a cottage in a continuing care community that is very nice
I am two hours away from her, my brother is about an hour away, and my other brother is 5 hours away and can't be bothered to help so we don't really count him in the equation.
In the fall, my brother conference called us and said he wanted to start utilizing some of the services that the continuing care community provides for mom. He is not working full time and has been doing much of mom's care, her paperwork, financials, doctors visits, etc, so he sees her frequently. My older brother and I did not think such a suggestion would go over very well with mom, which really ticked my brother off because he interpreted it as meaning we didn't think she needed extra help. My POV is that mom has authority issues and getting the continuing care facility people involved would make her feel like she was sent to the principal's office
Now I have found a suitable dog for mom. A small couch potato adult dog who doesn't like to go for walks and basically just wants to cuddle. My brother is adamant that she should not have this dog because her activities of daily living are so shaky. She isn't cleaning, she is easily confused, she shouldn't be driving, she has trouble getting her prescriptions refilled.
I think we should Tell mom that if she wants the dog, she needs to pursue a home health aide 2-3 times per week. Would that be out of line?
Home Health Aid 2-3 times a week? What about the other 4-5 days a week?
I wouldn't put a dog into the situation described. Based on some of your comments it sounds like your mom may be in need of a lot more care than you are currently providing. She may need a Home Health Aid with or without having a dog.
Now I have found a suitable dog for mom. A small couch potato adult dog who doesn't like to go for walks and basically just wants to cuddle. My brother is adamant that she should not have this dog because her activities of daily living are so shaky. She isn't cleaning, she is easily confused, she shouldn't be driving, she has trouble getting her prescriptions refilled.
I think we should Tell mom that if she wants the dog, she needs to pursue a home health aide 2-3 times per week. Would that be out of line?
Easily confused people who are not cleaning are probably not good candidates for dog ownership.
When I moved my Mom to where I live she already had a dog which of course I knew. The dog came with her and at that time my Mom took her dog for lots of walks.
But due to her dementia (early stage) and not knowing the area she kept getting lost. She walked the dog into a busy road and almost got hit by a car. I was home most of the time and went I went to sleep my Mom would sneak out and take the dog outside for a walk.
We have a no-kill shelter here so I took the dog and after a long interview gave the dog to this place and within 6 weeks the dog was adopted. I did this to save my Mom from harm.
Please do not get a dog for your Mom. You are not helping her but hurting her if you look at the complete picture.
I would have put an alarm on the door so it would wake you up if she tried to leave. Getting rid of a beloved pet is horrible. People with dementia find what little comfort they have left in their pets. Yes I have been on this journey a few times and know how hard it is.
Linking getting a dog with getting some extra help could be a good solution. Maybe have a chat with your brother about it and see if you can find common ground.
I've done dog rescue for over 30 years and have been my DH's caretaker for the last 7 years. I fully understand both caring for an ailing spouse and caring for dogs at the same time. I strongly urge you to NOT pursue getting her another dog. You would be adding a huge amount to her care & there is the likelihood that the dog will outlive her and need to be rehomed. With the facts as you have laid them out, if you applied to me for a dog, I would turn you down. Please listen to your brother. He has been hands on with your Mom's care and doesn't need you monkeying up her care & creating difficulties your Mom, your brother and the facility don't need.
My mom lost her dog a few months ago after a long illness. She has been adamant that she wants another dog. SHe is 87 and is fairly disabled...can't walk well and uses her walker often for fear of falling, not because she really needs it to walk. She lives in a cottage in a continuing care community that is very nice
I am two hours away from her, my brother is about an hour away, and my other brother is 5 hours away and can't be bothered to help so we don't really count him in the equation.
In the fall, my brother conference called us and said he wanted to start utilizing some of the services that the continuing care community provides for mom. He is not working full time and has been doing much of mom's care, her paperwork, financials, doctors visits, etc, so he sees her frequently. My older brother and I did not think such a suggestion would go over very well with mom, which really ticked my brother off because he interpreted it as meaning we didn't think she needed extra help. My POV is that mom has authority issues and getting the continuing care facility people involved would make her feel like she was sent to the principal's office
Now I have found a suitable dog for mom. A small couch potato adult dog who doesn't like to go for walks and basically just wants to cuddle. My brother is adamant that she should not have this dog because her activities of daily living are so shaky. She isn't cleaning, she is easily confused, she shouldn't be driving, she has trouble getting her prescriptions refilled.
I think we should Tell mom that if she wants the dog, she needs to pursue a home health aide 2-3 times per week. Would that be out of line?
If she has poor memory how do you know she’ll remember to feed the dog or fill its water? And who is taking the dog who will probably outlive her? Who is taking it to the vet?
I’d go by your brother, who sees your mom much more than you do and knows her capabilities.
I would have put an alarm on the door so it would wake you up if she tried to leave. Getting rid of a beloved pet is horrible. People with dementia find what little comfort they have left in their pets. Yes I have been on this journey a few times and know how hard it is.
My mom didn't always walk her dog at night, she would sneak out during the day and I used to go looking for her. This was constantly going on and my neighbors would find my mom (who would sneak out when my back was turned for a minute) and bring her home. Sorry, I love dogs and cats more than anything but after talking to several professionals they all said in order to keep my mom safe I had to give up the dog.
I also had 2 cats which I had to keep locked up because they were terrified of the dog. All of this only added more stress which I didn't need. It broke my heart to give up the dog and after 1 month she didn't even realize the dog wasn't there anymore.
Then my cats were free and she loved petting them, etc. I had very loving cats who would snuggle with her.
Yes, pets can be very important to the elderly but not when they put the elderly in danger.
Now I have a rescue dog that I adopted almost a year ago (my cats passed) and my Mom doesn't even try to walk the dog.
The bottom line is every situation is different and if you would have been in my shoes you would not have kept the dog. Everything looks different from another person's perspective. I wish you could have taken a walk in my shoes at that time.
Again, the most important priority was and still is keeping my mom safe.
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