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Wow. Defensive much? When did I ever refer to the posters of the Frugal Forum? A forum specifically to discuss frugal choices and lifestyle?? The op was talking about people who are in your face IRL. Man...you really lost it.
Do you think people "in your face" are unique to the venue of spending habits? Has there ever been a forum or a thread on C-D in which one could not point out that some people are extremists? Why does extremism even need to be brought to anyone's attention as a forum topic? Except to elicit people's diatribes about extremists they have known, often in terms that regrettably turn out to encompass a wide swath of people who are not extremists at all.
SifuPhil...Enjoyed your post. Thanks..I keep trying to remind myself that everything that "glitters" isn't necessarily "gold." Sounds like you do too...I check seams and hems and buttons and "overall construction" before I buy new clothes. It's a "pain." Wish I didn't have to do it. But I don't want to buy things that will fall apart right away. Been "burned" too many times in the past..I went through some "image" and "status stuff" when I was younger too. Hey we all "live and learn!" Right? Or hopefully we learn a few things as we move through life...Quality is important to me because I like to keep the things I buy for awhile and enjoy them. I'm a "bonder." But I don't want to go to extremes and become a "hoarder." Or show-up at a friend's wedding wearing a dress from the 60's. (Unless the dress has come back in style and doesn't look worn-out.)...Each situation is unique. Don't you think? Sometimes we need to "cut loose" a little bit to have fun and enjoy life. (Within our "means" anyway!)
Location: where you sip the tea of the breasts of the spinsters of Utica
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I used to brag about useful, decent-quality stuff I bought at the Dollar Store (there really IS some if you're careful) or Walmart, or I'd wax eloquent about free fruits or nuts from abandoned orchards, but then I noticed people didn't care and tuned me out. To me it's kind of an exciting game to survive poverty through frugality but few others see it that way.
I used to brag about useful, decent-quality stuff I bought at the Dollar Store (there really IS some if you're careful) or Walmart, or I'd wax eloquent about free fruits or nuts from abandoned orchards, but then I noticed people didn't care and tuned me out. To me it's kind of an exciting game to survive poverty through frugality but few others see it that way.
I also told people of the good deals I got, if I was asked about or was told how nice an item was. I never was bragging, only letting others know
about good deals out there, but it was not appreciated. I learned to just say "thank you" if I was complimented on something...
When my Dad passed away (and my Mom was gone) I mentioned that I might have an estate (yard) sale to my "rich Aunt." Whoops! I forgot who I was talking to at the time. Right away my Aunt suggested that it was best to just donate my parents' items to the "Goodwill" and take a tax-deduction for the items like she does...People from the same family can live in different "worlds" and operate in very different "ways."...I might tell certain family members and friends about bargains I found at the store but I wouldn't mention my bargains to other people because it's just not "their thing." But I might tell the "non-bargain people" about something else in my life. (Something that the "bargain people" might not find very interesting.)...We're all different and unique. One person's interests and lifestyle and priorities in life may be vastly different from someone else's interests and priorities and lifestyle etc....So I try to take all of this into consideration before I open my mouth and share things with the people in my life. I've received lectures and gotten myself into "hot water" and been ignored when I get people confused with each other.. Like telling my "rich Aunt" about having a yard sale. I should have "known better." But my other Aunt was very supportive and thought having a yard sale was "smart" and a great idea!...We're not going to get praise or validation from everyone automatically. (Especially if the person we're "sharing with" has different values and priorities in life than we do.)
Great idea for a thread. Yes I've noticed that there are people on this forum who get self righteous about their frugality and it turns people off and away. In real life I encounter people who are self rigtheous about religion and it can be a huge turn off. I'm a Christian now but in earlier years I ran away because of some self-righteousness and religion pushers. They didn't realize their prostletyzing had an opposite effect.
On a related note - I frequent a lot of the small house blogs and I get the impression many tiny house dwellers go into it with the attitude "Look at me!" In that respect they are no different than the mansion dwellers.
SifuPhil...Enjoyed your post. Thanks..I keep trying to remind myself that everything that "glitters" isn't necessarily "gold." Sounds like you do too...I check seams and hems and buttons and "overall construction" before I buy new clothes. It's a "pain." Wish I didn't have to do it. But I don't want to buy things that will fall apart right away. Been "burned" too many times in the past..I went through some "image" and "status stuff" when I was younger too. Hey we all "live and learn!" Right? Or hopefully we learn a few things as we move through life...Quality is important to me because I like to keep the things I buy for awhile and enjoy them. I'm a "bonder." But I don't want to go to extremes and become a "hoarder." Or show-up at a friend's wedding wearing a dress from the 60's. (Unless the dress has come back in style and doesn't look worn-out.)...Each situation is unique. Don't you think? Sometimes we need to "cut loose" a little bit to have fun and enjoy life. (Within our "means" anyway!)
We live and learn, or at least we try to ...
I'm partial to a minimalist lifestyle, but as has been mentioned here when I bring the subject up in mixed company I get a verbal lashing from many folks. I've learned that in many things it's often best just to nod one's head and meekly agree, rather than expend one's energies on senseless debate.
Except of course on C-D - that's why we're here, isn't it?
Each situation IS unique and yes, we probably have the need to cut loose once in a while.
... just don't brag about it, seems to be the lesson to be learned here.
SifuPhil...Thanks for posting. I've never been a "group person." Being a member of any group involves a set of rules and a "code of conduct" and "agreed-upon beliefs" etc. Don't you think?...All of this is too restrictive for me. What happens if I want to change and be different or develop some new beliefs? The "group" won't like it! I'll be viewed as a "traitor!"...So I just stay on the sidelines as a "free agent" and mix and mingle with people from all walks of life without signing any contracts or pledging my allegiance to any particular group!...This way I can learn from everyone. And enjoy everyone without being "caged-in!"...But I always have to remember to be careful about what I "say." Because each group has their own culture and "set of norms."...My (poor) Aunt used to accuse my (rich) Uncle and his wife of bragging about their trips to Europe and the Far East. I tried to explain that my Uncle and his wife and used to spending time with friends in their "social circle" who vacation all over the world on a routine basis. This was all just "normal talk" to them...I enjoyed hearing about my Uncle's travels and adventures in foreign countries. It was exciting to me. But my (poor) Aunt sat and pouted and got upset when they brought-up their trips to Europe...The funny thing is that my (poor) Aunt loved to talk about her vacations too. I brought this up to her one day. I said: "When you go camping or take a trip someplace you come home and share your tales and experiences with friends and family too. Everyone does this!"...Unfortunately my Aunt just wanted to stay mad and bitter and resentful towards her brother and his wife. She didn't want to "concede" any "points."
creeksitter...Thanks for posting. I haven't been involved in any "small houses versus Mc Mansion" threads. I've seen them but really didn't want to get in the middle of all the "crossfire!"...I'm not a big fan of look-alike tract homes. I fled So CA to try to get away from mile after mile and hill after hill of what seems like "sameness" to me!...But we're all different! Right? My needs are small right now and I don't want or need a great big house. It would be too much for me to "keep-up" and clean. And I'd feel weird about hiring a housekeeper. Knowing me I'd probably do most of the cleaning myself before the housekeeper showed-up just save her (or him) from having to do very much work!...I agree with you. Some people can act "one-up" about everything under the sun! (Houses, cars, clothes, jobs, kids, how "much" or how "little" they spend and so on.) It's sad! I think it all stems from hidden insecurities. How do you feel about it?...Rich people can still be insecure despite their wealth and "stable" of material possessions...And people who define their "goodness" by having "little" or "going without" have issues they haven't dealt with too. Don't you think?
I'm sorry if I offended anyone by starting this thread. (Or by what I've posted so far.)...The truth is that I've been frugal most of my life. I've been teased about it a lot. And some people have even gotten mad at me for being this way at times. (Like my kids!)...I don't always know what is "right" or "wrong" or "how to be!" But I don't like to pay overinflated prices for things if I can help it...Anyway I am sorry if I offended anyone by starting this thread. Sorry if I was insensitive. I think it's easy to go overboard with anything and I sure have!...My husband understood my fears about spending money at times and he had "cute ways" of trying to help me "ease my fears." Sometimes this helped and sometimes it didn't!... Anyway I tend to be on the "frugal side" and l've been this way all my life. My parents went through the Depression and they were cautious and careful when it came to spending money...Sometimes I try to look at things from many different sides to try to understand myself and other people better.. What "drives" me? What motivates me? Why am I "this way" or "that way?" Who influenced me? Why are we all so different? What can I learn from other people? Guess I just have an "inquiring mind!"
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