I also think that there is another side to the coin when you see people talking a lot about being cheap. It's easy to think that their behavior is terrible and they seem to be bragging about it. Yes. But I think that especially in such a capitalist society as America is, money comes with serious psychological baggage.
So the relative who grew up with the cheap father... Think she was ever treated as though she deserved anything nice? I bet that her father (and maybe mother) complained about every cent they had to spend on her needs when she was growing up. So you grow up feeling that spending money, even on things you need like FOOD, is somehow morally wrong or makes you a bad person. I've known people who talk about saving money and their hustle game as though to say, "I am so sorry, please excuse me for existing and needing food, I ate as cheaply as possible, no lattes here, I swear!" And so many are raised to feel that if you have money it makes you a better, more virtuous person, the more you make and the less you spend and the bigger your net worth, the better a human you are. And the opposite. That if you don't earn much, if you spend when you don't have to, if you don't have much, then you are scum.
That sort of thing can twist your mind, is all I'm saying. I have a feeling that someone who talks that way, does not realize what others are thinking about the words coming out of their mouth. Like maybe they are not connecting "I saved money!" with "I took advantage of someone else's money."
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Originally Posted by purehuman
sometimes it means that..not always....it can also mean buying a cheap product (thinking you'll save money)that becomes useless after a small amount of time, compared to being frugal and buying a more expensive quality item that lasts forever.
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That is also connected with whether one is able to save money aside for such things or is only barely meeting their basic needs with what they have, day to day. AND it has to do with psychology. Do I "deserve" something nice? Even knowing it will last longer and save me money in the long run, it still feels like spending a lot on myself to get the good boots (nod to Terry Pratchett for the bit about the boots) instead of the cheap ones that will "do." And if you never spend very much on anything, it all feels pretty disposable. You don't take the time to take good care of it. After all...you don't deserve nice things. At least, that is the belief in the minds of many who either are, or have been, poor.
And when I was poor, for a while, I was never far from losing everything I owned. Things I loved, if they had any value at all, must be sold to make rent. Or perhaps I'd be tossed out and unable to remove my belongings (can't afford a truck or a new place to put them!) so there goes everything. Again. You just can't really get too invested in stuff.
It is interesting to me, having been everywhere from homeless to comfortably middle class, to think about my own financial psychology. I do own some good boots. But I rarely wear them. My everyday shoes are a pair I took when one of my sons outgrew them (fast, before they were worn out) and I've been wearing them for almost a decade. The bottoms are blown out, if I step on wet pavement my socks will get wet. But every time I think about replacing them, I look at the $40+ price tag and think, "But do you REALLY need those today? Maybe not today." That's been going on for years.
I don't honestly think of it as frugal or cheap, either one. And I think what annoys me is that I also can't seem to find exactly what I want, to replace them with...I feel like if I am spending money on myself that I should be getting what I really want. If I can't find it, I won't buy anything. I've made do so far.
But I also get extremely nervous about LOOKING as though I might have money, having nice things that others can see. I cultivate an image that I don't really have much, with my worn out shoes and my old coat and hat...stickers all over my car like a broke college student, even though it's a decent and new car. I feel like, if other people in general think I have anything, they'll try to take it from me. I don't think that mindset is frugal so much as it is cheap, but it's strategically cheap perhaps. It is the illusion of cheapness, on purpose.
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