affluent neighborhoods? (jobs, schools, move, bedroom)

[*~Kim~*]

Let me preface this by saying we are averages joes. We're probably classified as lower middle class (maybe very lower middle class lol). Neither DH or I will ever make 100K/yr....or even 50K/year for that matter, but we are fine with that. We would rather be happy with our jobs than miserable and wealthy. We are not into "keeping up with the Joneses" AT ALL, and don't really care to be around those type of people.
When we are finally ready to buy a home (in a few years), we want to find a nice neighborhood with great public schools. We are going to look for homes 5.5 hours from where we live now, b/c we can't afford anything around here...but in the area, we CAN get a home in a good neighborhood with great schools. I have been doing tons of rerearch on schools in the area, and many of them are rated excellently....but people also classify some of them as "snobby", and say that if you aren't wealthy that you won't fit in.
This worries me. I want my kids to go to the best schools, but I don't want them to be miserable and feel like they aren't as good as wealthier kids. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice?

[Charles]

Originally Posted by *~Kim~*

Let me preface this by saying we are averages joes. We're probably classified as lower middle class (maybe very lower middle class lol). Neither DH or I will ever make 100K/yr....or even 50K/year for that matter, but we are fine with that. We would rather be happy with our jobs than miserable and wealthy. We are not into "keeping up with the Joneses" AT ALL, and don't really care to be around those type of people.
When we are finally ready to buy a home (in a few years), we want to find a nice neighborhood with great public schools. We are going to look for homes 5.5 hours from where we live now, b/c we can't afford anything around here...but in the area, we CAN get a home in a good neighborhood with great schools. I have been doing tons of rerearch on schools in the area, and many of them are rated excellently....but people also classify some of them as "snobby", and say that if you aren't wealthy that you won't fit in.
This worries me. I want my kids to go to the best schools, but I don't want them to be miserable and feel like they aren't as good as wealthier kids. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice?

Is it all or nothing? Are all good schools full of snobby people/kids? Are there any good schools with non-snobby kids?

[*~Kim~*]

Sorry, I didn't mean to generalize. It just seems like the 1 or 2 TOP (best test scores, best greatschools.org ratings) schools have the snobby reputation. But there are other really good schools in the area too. I'm just wondering if it would be better to stay away from those top 1 or 2 schools? WWYD?

[bouncethelight]

I would find the best home for you in the neighborhood you like best, and totally ignore the comments about those areas being "snobby" - for all you know those comments were made by someone who is just generally negative, and you might have a totally different experience.

Plus, kids are resilient - if they're not the richest kids in their school, so what?

Bottom line, if you like the house, and the neighborhood, who cares if a few people label that neighborhood as snobby?

[Okey Dokie]

I have a slightly different view on this. I grew up in a very affluent community with an excellent, nationally known high school. Although we weren't poor, my parents scrimped and saved to be able to buy a house there and most of my friends were MUCH better off than we were. As a kid, I was very much aware of the difference and at times was bothered by it. I didn't go to Florida on spring break, my mom made a lot of our clothes, we didn't belong to the country club, etc. etc. As an adult, these sort of things don't bother me a bit, but as a kid they did. In addition, this nationally known high school was a real pressure cooker as far as getting into top flight colleges.

There are plenty of very good school districts that aren't in the very top tier that would probably be just as good for your kids and they would fit in a bit better.

[1phwalls]

I'm living this right now. I am a single mother in a well off area. The people have been very nice, the kids have been nice to my kids. But my kids are very aware that we are poor compared to these people. I mean my sons best friends house is 5 times the size of my apartment! They all have xboxs and wiis and big screen tvs in their bedrooms etc, my kids have a used game boy. Right now they don't care a whole lot, but they will be more bothered by it when they become teenagers.

I think often about moving, because I want my kids to be in great schools, but I don't want them to be the kids getting teased either. If it becomes an issue, I will not let my kids be bullied or whatever you want to call it. I will move and find a way to suppplement their education if I have to.

[plaidmom]

Originally Posted by Okey Dokie

I have a slightly different view on this. I grew up in a very affluent community with an excellent, nationally known high school. Although we weren't poor, my parents scrimped and saved to be able to buy a house there and most of my friends were MUCH better off than we were. As a kid, I was very much aware of the difference and at times was bothered by it. I didn't go to Florida on spring break, my mom made a lot of our clothes, we didn't belong to the country club, etc. etc. As an adult, these sort of things don't bother me a bit, but as a kid they did. In addition, this nationally known high school was a real pressure cooker as far as getting into top flight colleges.

There are plenty of very good school districts that aren't in the very top tier that would probably be just as good for your kids and they would fit in a bit better.

You just brought back a lot of memories...

The rich kids could also afford "the good stuff" and threw kick-azz parties. Plus their parents often traveled on business and took extended vacations. We often had the house to ourselves.

It was ok, though, because eveyone was going to a prestigious university due to legacy.

This was in So-Cal in the 80's so perhaps times have changed.

Just because a district is affluent and "highly rated" doesn't mean life will be all peaches and roses.

I raised my own daughter in a small town, with a more economically diverse population, and she attended a slightly-above-average high school. She excelled there and was later accepted into a top-tier university. By that point in her life, I felt that she could deal with the "snobby" set on their own terms. At the college level, you kind of know that you belong there (academically) or you do not.

I guess my point is, don't stretch yourself, financially, to get into a tip-top public high school (all the realllllly tip-top folks are in private prep schools anyway).

Pick a good solid, but comfortable, district, were your kids will fit in, and then save save save for college.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Dragoniant]

I just wanted to add something. My oldest child is 20 and my youngest is 5. Please be aware that living in an affluent area isn't all what it is cracked up to be. There are more kids using prescription drugs and alcohol in affluent areas than in regular middle class ones. I know this from experience. Not only that but there is also a huge entitlement issue with the youth. When we move next year (God Willing) I want no part of that and will purposely buy a house in a middle class neighborhood where there are more stay at home moms and less entiltelment issues. PM me if you want.

[DubbleT]

Are you going to be stretching it just to live in this neighborhood? Or are you going to be living in a house that's affordable but your kids will be going to school with many children from wealthier families? I guess I'm asking if you're going to be around any other families that are around your same income level.
If you are asking about living in a rich neighborhood where you are the only poor person on the block I don't know anything about that.
If you are just asking about being poor and sending your kids to school where most of the kids are from rich areas in another part of town I can tell you my experience about that. My kids went to magnet schools that had a reputation strong enough to attract lots of kids whose families could afford to send them to private schools. There are pros and cons. In my experience the pros outweighed the cons by a long shot, one of the best being that my kids are comfortable with people from all kinds of backgrounds, rich or poor.

[oc2nyc]

I agree with Okey Dokie and New Day. Try to find a house you can afford in a safe area but stay away from the affluent schools if possible.

We live in an area that is known to be affluent, with a great school district, but there are also many middle class families living here. We make $100k or more each year and struggle to raise our four kids. There is a lot of drug use in our high school due to the money and time that these affluent kids have. In order to keep our kids away from this we have to keep them busy in activities, which cost money. We don't try to keep up with our kid's friend's families but it gets to you, as a parent, when your kids can't do what their friends are doing because you cannot afford it. As an adult I can deal with it, but it bothers me to ALWAYS tell them no.
Do I think they will suffer as adults from this? NO. Do I think they are learning to deal with real life? Of course... It's still hard. My kids have good friends, who don't care whether we have money or not, but it's disheartening for your children to always be invited to go places and do things and you cannot afford it.

Good schools are important but you have to realize that it will be more competitive as well. Your kid's friends will have SAT tutors (at least $500 a pop), College Counselors ($500+) personal trainers and private coaches, etc. It is hard to compete with that. My daughter got into a great 4 year University but if she had not received a scholarship she wouldn't be going. Most of her friends are going where they wanted to go to school, without outside money, and don't have to worry about it. (USC,SMU, Stanford, etc). Of course, as adults,we know that trying to keep up with the Jones' is not productive but as children, especially teens it is very important. Wanting to be included, wanting to be like others, is a normal part of growing up. Don't make it any harder on your kids, or yourself, than it has to be.