Moving the family back "home" (relocating, jobs, cheap)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Stay where you are until the kids are through school. I made such a move, there and back, and it was a disaster for my daughter. It was what I wanted to do, not what was best for her.......
It sounds like the children are thriving in their current home. But, I would take trips back there each year and encourage your relatives to visit you. It can be done. I have seen many families make this kind of thing work. It takes some effort though.
I had a client (twosome) who moved back north after an adult child committed suicide. They wanted to be closer to another adult child who had the grandchildren. That lasted one year. The g-kids had their own things going on, the g-parents had been away long enough that they didn't figure that much into their own kids daily lives anymore. They came back south, got a divorce and went their own way.
If the rest of your family lives in SoCal and you would be in the Bay Area, then you still wouldn't see that much of your family as it would still be a 6 to 8 hour or more drive depending on where everyone lives and traffic. Plus, unless you've got a mega mansion in Boston, your housing dollars will translate from nice house and neighborhood in Boston to crappy small shack in not so nice neighborhood with a long commute in the Bay Area. There's also no guarantee your kids will get any closer of a relationship to their relatives living closer to them - your kids are probably old enough now for that opportunity ship to have already sailed.
Since your kids are already in middle school, it will only be a few years until they're done with high school; I would stay put and reevaluate once they're out of school. If at that time you still want to move, it will be much easier to move back across the country without kids at home, without the worry about school districts, you will have the option to live in a smaller house, etc.
Keep in mind that it is your home not your kids' home. They will probably consider it move away from home.
Stay where you are.
^^This. The children don't have fabulous memories growing up and going to XYZ after school or grabbing a bite to eat after a football game at XYZ local restaurant.
I would not uproot teenagers and move them across country. Their ENTIRE lives have been MA. CA is a completely different world than MA. The culture shock alone will be tough to take. A lot of resentment is sure to follow and they will go back east to go to college or live after they finish high school.
Why do people think that being close to family is the beginning and end of life? When you've lived thousands of miles away for over 15 years, you really have NO idea what life is truly like back home. Heck, I live 3 hours away from where I grew up and whenever I visit family, I can't wait to go back home! I don't fit in. I don't belong. I'm not like them.
While you've been away, your family has changed. The bonds have changed. Just because you have family close by doesn't mean they will ever bother with you! Trust me! For 3 years, I lived 3 blocks away from my cousin who I was close to growing up and I can count on one hand the number of times we saw each other. And I was the only family she's ever lived near.
Your children are beyond the ages where having close grandparents is a big deal. It's big when they're little. They're teenagers! They want their friends not adults.
I would stay put until all of them have at least finished high school. I would never uproot high schoolers. They may not be placed in the same grade. They won't have taken the same classes as everyone else. They could be behind in a subject. Depending on the differences on the standardized tests, there could be issues with that. They could have to make up classes.
Lots to think about. You really do have to consider the needs of the children not just the adults wants.
I don't even know what a "well-adjusted" middle-schooler is! Does that creature actually exist?? If so, that's one boat I wouldn't want to rock. Really, isn't it like 5 or 6 more years for them to go off to college? Why not wait? Adults missing family is one thing, kids having their lives turned up-side-down for it is another. I don't know what the upside for the kids would be. And your costs will be significant. And you sound like you have a great support system right where you are.
Soon enough, the kids will be gone, and you'll be thinking about retirement and/or downsizing. I assuming you own your home? You want to sell now (and all those costs....commission, lawyer, closing fees, moving company) and buy now (more fees), and then, the kids go off to their lives and you have this second big house you bought (because the kids were living with you), and you may want to sell it (commission fees, lawyer, closing costs, moving company) and buy again (more fees). Those are some serious projected costs too...that will cut into what could have been savings.
In your own mind, you seem to be picturing "the road not taken", and what that would have been. But as someone already said, you can never go home. You chose a different road and it sounds like it has been wonderful and is a great home for your children. If you had stayed in Ca. you might well be wondering what you missed by not exploring new horizons.
At this point I think stability and continuity for your middle schoolers is paramount. They will be out on their own before you know it, and Ca. has become a very expensive place for young people to establish themselves. The long term ties they have in the east may better serve them as they begin their college and adult lives.
Go with your gut.
As an outsider, it seems your gut is telling you to stay.
You're getting great advice, but go with your gut.
Your kids don't see California as " Home" at all.
Best of luck
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
