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Having an autistic son that age, I imagine this has everything to do with him not trusting outside supervision with an expensive device. I find in comparison to my husband at least, men are particularly concerned with how electronics are treated. It might not to be spiteful.
VERY true, and especially so with him.
Thank you all for input. While his daddy was VERY controlling, he IS a good daddy, just the marriage did not work. I REALLY wanted not to get upset about having to buy another one so that our little one can have it regardless of where he is at, and was struggling to believe it was not a control thing. Your inputs have given me a different directive given they live so close to each other.
I appreciate your help in trying to understand. I can promise you that for our little ones sake, IF his daddy's device should become inoperable, we would never worry about sending it with our grandson for visitations. I would not do that to either of them....
Divorce can be difficult on all of us, including the grandparents.
I am almost afraid to pose the question, but REALLY need help understanding if I am just OLD and thinking differently than people do today, or if this is just down right stupid.
Our daughter recently (this month) got divorced. We have an autistic 5 yr old grandchild.
So our daughter tells us that our grandson would LOVE a Kindle fire for kids and that is fine because we asked for ideas (would much rather spend $$ on something they want than try and "guess").
Bought it, $200 but comes with a 2 yr, kid proof warranty (not to mention she now gets her cell phone that is used to entertain him when out in public and needing redirection/distraction while waiting for service) back. Don't know how many of you have experienced an autistic childs needs, but when he is playing his game or watching something on the cell phone and sees a call come thru, he knows immediately to "hang up" on the caller or he will have to hand over the phone for the call.
Tonite, I find out her ex ALSO bought him a Kindle fire....problem is HE wants it at HIS place for him to enjoy while he is visiting him.
REALLY???!?!?!? Am I so old that I am the only one that finds this down right stupid???? You give your special needs child a Christmas gift, but will insist on maintaining custody of it for use only at your place/or when he is with you?
1st, there are other things that could have been bought to give our precious grandchild since he is already getting this device. Also, being autistic, how frustrating might it be to him NOT to have the same programs/games/whatever (I'm not up on all that) loaded on BOTH items and not understand why he can't find what he is looking for changing from one device to the other???
How would YOU as a grandparent address this??? Obviously, we have bought him the gift, and it will be under the tree for him on Christmas morning...but is there a way to AVOID this kind of stuff....or is this the new "norm" for divorced people regarding their kids.
I am TRULY trying to understand if my ex son in law is just being a jerk or if all people do this kind of thing now in a split...and IF anyone has any experience in this kind of situation, please help me understand WHY, OR how to deal with it in the future. Thanks!
Since you really don't know the exact details of the dynamics between the child's parents regarding their relationship and divorce it should be very easy to understand his point of view.
Also a lot of divorced parents have his home and her home toys, games etc so the items do not get carried around and possibly lost, stolen or broken in the process of traveling.
Another thing is perhaps he is going to use the Kindle Fire when he does not have the child.
Outside of that, you have already purchased one so what does it really matter what the child's Father purchased and what he wants to do with said purchase? Does it affect you and your life at all?
Are his actions interfering with you seeing your Grandchild or the child using your gift as well?
PS ~~ The easy fix to ensure that both devices have things in the same place is to get them together and program them at the same time.
I don't find it stupid at all, I find it quite practical and logical.
One more thing, it really isn't YOUR issue to deal with, you give your Grandchild the gift you purchased and keep your opinions to yourself about what his Father gives him as a gift.
Although, I can see keeping some extra clothes at Dad's house, but extra coats seems rather strange. Do the kids take off their coats before they leave Mom's house and are coat less on the way to Dad's house? Probably not a great idea in the middle of winter.
LOL. We are in Houston. We don't get *winter* really.
It is odd, but you would have to understand the dynamics of the situation which I won't get into in a public forum.
Although, I can see keeping some extra clothes at Dad's house, but extra coats seems rather strange. Do the kids take off their coats before they leave Mom's house and are coat less on the way to Dad's house? Probably not a great idea in the middle of winter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053
LOL. We are in Houston. We don't get *winter* really.
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Actually, it could make sense to have a coat at each house in a warmer climate. Since the coat probably would only need to worn in the evening the child is already at the house when they go outside to play or do evening activities.
I was trying to picture how a child could do that in the north. Our winter temperatures are often below freezing, perhaps 20 or 25 degrees. Occasionally, it can get as low as 10 or 15 degrees below zero.
I was trying to picture how a child could get from Mom's house to Dad's house without a coat. Even if they were in a car it would seem pretty strange for Mom to say "Honey, take off your winter coat before you leave the car to walk into your Dad's house. I don't want you to lose this nice warm coat." And would the child also have to take off their boots, snow pants, hat, mittens and scarf as well to leave with parent who bought the outerwear? It was hard to imagine how they would actually make the switch from house to house while leaving the winter outerwear at each parents home.
But, in Houston I imagine it could a much different situation.
My daughter's husband has had to buy everything for his 2 year old daughter, and I mean EVERYTHING. When he was finally able to start having overnight visits with her, we went out and helped buy a car seat, coat, shoes...basically outfitting the baby with everything from scratch. We knew this was necessary, because the first time he went to pick up his daughter from his ex wife's house, she handed him his daughter naked and wrapped in a blanket. No diaper, no shoes, no coat, no nothing... she then called the police the moment he drove out of the driveway and reported him for not having the baby in a car seat (she actually was, I made sure he had a car seat in his car, but the ex never came near the car to see).
I never understood the philosophy of each parent having to buy repeats of things for their shared children until I experienced this situation. The toys at my daughter / SIL's house stay at their house. When they buy gifts or clothes for his daughter, they have to stay at their house or they simply disappear.
This nastiness doesn't sound like your situation OP, but your grandson having a Kindle at each home isn't necessarily a bad thing. Let dad be responsible for the one he bought and your daughter can be responsible for the one you bought.
Your grandson sounds blessed to have such a wonderful grandma and so much support in his life. Best wishes to you!
You shouldn't address this. It has nothing to do with you. You got the requested gift, which is great. It is up to the parents how they deal with separate homes, separate toys. It doesn't sound all that odd to me to have two. It will reduce the chances it gets lost or broken being transported back and forth, and each parent gets some control over how they are used. They can coordinate and get the same apps if that is going to be an issue.
Since you really don't know the exact details of the dynamics between the child's parents regarding their relationship and divorce it should be very easy to understand his point of view.
Also a lot of divorced parents have his home and her home toys, games etc so the items do not get carried around and possibly lost, stolen or broken in the process of traveling.
Another thing is perhaps he is going to use the Kindle Fire when he does not have the child.
Outside of that, you have already purchased one so what does it really matter what the child's Father purchased and what he wants to do with said purchase? Does it affect you and your life at all?
Are his actions interfering with you seeing your Grandchild or the child using your gift as well?
PS ~~ The easy fix to ensure that both devices have things in the same place is to get them together and program them at the same time.
I don't find it stupid at all, I find it quite practical and logical.
One more thing, it really isn't YOUR issue to deal with, you give your Grandchild the gift you purchased and keep your opinions to yourself about what his Father gives him as a gift.
Great comments, especially at the end, the OP clearly is very slanted against the ex-SIL(a divorce takes two), I hope she knows better than to badmouth the father around the boy.
I guess I am not seeing the problem. His father wants to make sure he has a loved item while at the father's house--something which will occupy him and could easily be forgotten or lost in the transportation between houses. Just as we had a "back-up" favorite blanket for our kids, a back-up isn't really a problem.
I think this is about lingering feelings about the former SIL and not the boy.
That is ok, you can pass judgment all you want, but I am actually VOLUNTEERING to go and babysit our grandson several times this year so our former son in law can go on his hunting trips. I am close to him (and per his conversations, he is closer to us than his family) and will do anything to make things better for the 3 of them. HIM, our daughter, and of course, our grandson. He is WONDERFUL, yet very OCD. That is ok, especially given his career field. Those of you that fly will understand since he is an Air Traffic Controller. I am GRATEFUL everytime we fly that there are those that are so rigid, because the general public DEPENDS ON THAT each and every day!
I only thought it strange that a duplicate gift was needed for our grandson, but having seen his attachment to it while he is here for Christmas and realizing that he would be DEVESTATED not having it, I am grateful that he has the original gift from his father AND a backup, because he would never understand it not being available to him. I am grateful to know if one unit breaks, is disabled or missing, the other unit can keep him happy! While I have NO idea if his daddy feels the same way, we would NEVER keep our unit from him should it be a time our little guy was with his daddy.
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