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My 21 yo son and his 18 yo ex-girlfriend are expecting a baby boy in December. For better or worse they are no longer together. They have had a very volatile relationship and as far as we know the pregnancy was not planned.
Long story short, she is very immature and verbally abusive to my son. The night he left her house (they were staying at her parents house) she pushed and shoved him into the wall, he made a police report but didn't press charges. Her family fights constantly screaming the f word and every other profanity you can imagine. Her mom runs an in home day care and the ex is very verbally abusive to the kids there. She even kicked a kid in the leg because she claims he purposely tried to trip her. She had a gender reveal party that I wasn't invited to because she doesn't like my daughter and didn't want to invite her. There are so many other incidences like this, but I think you get the point. Bottom line is she hates our family and I don't really know why.
My son has moved back in to our house and is contacting an attorney to help him navigate filing for custody. We live in Texas and I really doubt that he will win full custody, but I'm hoping that he can at least have shared custody. I am heartbroken over all of this, I never though that having my first grandbaby would be under these circumstances.
I'm sorry. But, my advice would be to avoid all contact until the court makes a decision regarding custody. Do not offer nursery furniture, or baby layettes, because it will hurt all the more later if you have no contact with your first grandchild.
The worst thing you can do is try to bribe your way into a relationship.
What you should do, is support your son in his attempt to have a relationship with his child. Hopefully that will lead to one with you too.
After he left her parents house this weekend he and I went and bought a lot of baby items so he will be prepared to take care of his son when he gets to see him. This afternoon I come home to find out he was at her house for hours talking to her. I know he's going to go back to her. Here I am now with no chance now of ever seeing the baby. My son obviously won't stand up to her. I told him that he has to do what he feels is right but I will not accept her. She has hurt me too many times and I'm sick of forgiving her just for her to do it all again.
I don't think the answer is expecting him to choose between you and the expectant mother. He will almost certainly choose her at this point, and then you've lost not only a grandchild, but your son. Let him know he is always welcome in your home, and you hope to have a chance to meet your grandchild. Then, drop it. Say nothing about the girl.
It won't be easy on you, but chances are good they won't make it long as a couple based on what you've said. If he's there for the birth, and as long as the relationship lasts afterwards, it will show the court he wants to be involved in his child's life.
Sorry, but it's not your job to forgive her or not forgive her. If you want a relationship with your grandchild then you will need to have a relationship with the mother. A good rule of thumb is to simply treat the mother as though she were your grandbaby. Be polite, respectful, giving. Always keep in mind that she is the emissary to spending time with your grandchild. If you need to rant about her or discuss how unforgivable she is, do it with your friends, write it in your journal, shout it when no one is around. The rest of the time you just suck it up.
As has been pointed out, you risk alienating both your son and your grandchild if you continue the way you are now. As much as you want to, you can't ask your son to choose. He will (or should) always choose his child over you and part of choosing his child will be having some sort of relationship with the mother, whether that's as a couple or just co-parenting. Furthermore, the mother can be a horrible person, worst in the world, and the baby will still always have a relationship to her. The baby can grow up saying all sorts of bad things about her if that's how he/she feels, but it will never be your place to bad mouth her in front of the child. Start practicing now.
I would never bad mouth her in front of her child. I have told my son that he has my support whatever he chooses to do. I honestly don't think I will ever have a relationship with my grandchild and I guess I will just have to accept that. No matter what I have tried to do to make amends with her she ignores me. The last time the 2 of them fought she demanded the phone back that she let him borrow, then text me about 20 times asking to talk to him I told her he was at work and didn't have a phone, she wanted to have me contact someone at his work and have him call her. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea that they spoke while he was at work and I would tell him to call her later. She immediately blocked me on social media and never text me again. This is what kind of person I'm dealing with...
Am I the only one concerned with how she is treating other little ones at her mothers day care? I worry that would be the way she would treat her baby. Op do what you can to keep a relationship open so you can make sure that baby is taken well cared for.
Am I the only one concerned with how she is treating other little ones at her mothers day care? I worry that would be the way she would treat her baby. Op do what you can to keep a relationship open so you can make sure that baby is taken well cared for.
No, you're not the only one. I figured it was clear that everyone saying that the gma needs to stop fooling around with worrying about forgiveness as that's so not the important thing here. What's more, if there is ever a cause for CPS to step in, they'll first see if there are kin who are able to take the child. They aren't going to rush to place the child with grandma who says "well, I desperately wanted to see my grandchild and help with care but my pride just wouldn't allow me to forgive the mom for being a terrible person."
I would never bad mouth her in front of her child. I have told my son that he has my support whatever he chooses to do. I honestly don't think I will ever have a relationship with my grandchild and I guess I will just have to accept that. No matter what I have tried to do to make amends with her she ignores me. The last time the 2 of them fought she demanded the phone back that she let him borrow, then text me about 20 times asking to talk to him I told her he was at work and didn't have a phone, she wanted to have me contact someone at his work and have him call her. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea that they spoke while he was at work and I would tell him to call her later. She immediately blocked me on social media and never text me again. This is what kind of person I'm dealing with...
Yes....She is immature..like most 18 year olds. If you give it time, she will mess up from what your described about her family life.
I think I would certainly report the abuse in the daycare situation, because it is the right thing to do...and you can report anonimously....start a paper trail for when your son goes for custody...because from what you've written, that will need to happen.
You son is trying to have a relationship for the sake of his child it sounds like to me....So, support him...He will make sure that you see the baby.
They need to move out of her parents house, into their own place.
Hoping things settle down, and don't come to a custody battle. But, the first one to file the papers initially is the first to win custody usually. Then you use the documents to keep custody.
He needs to maintain ongoing care of this baby. Lots of time a custody battle is decided based on who the primary caregiver is....not on sex i.e. mother vs father....Plan accordingly.
Have your son keep records, just in case. how many times a week he gives baby baths, gets up at night with baby, etc....of course don't let the girl know. The point is to be the most involved in the day to day care of the child.
Good luck to you
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