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My daughter has the room. Hubbie, myself and our cat just finished a 10 day stay and daughter and her hubbie wanted us to stay longer. That said I have key and could come and go as I chose, daughter didn't have an agenda for us. My grandson is 15 no little kids. She also lives close to her siblings so we got to see everyone.
In turn in the winter she will come down here to FL for about 10 days with hubbie, son and usually one of his friends.
My parents live about 8 hours away so they have been flying in to visit me, DH and my 1 year old since she was born. At first it was great since my mom would babysit for months but though I love my parents, it's too much for others. They're pretty loud and took our house to be their own. They have pretty much overstayed by coming for a week or two every 1-2 months. They don't see anything wrong with it despite me telling them it's the lack of privacy and that it's just not their home. They have brought a lot of stuff here and leave it at our house so our guest room has become theirs but DH can't take it anymore. Having a really difficult time telling them they just can't stay with us anymore bc it's just not working out.
Serenity2388
Sounds like it might be easier to convey this to your folks by phone, or even a FB message, or letter than in person. That way they can read the message over a few times.
Make sure they understand that you do not wish to hurt their feelings.....but make your point clear that you and your husband are trying to strengthen your family bond, and would like more privacy to be able to do that. Besides it can be disruptive when folks work, to have company so frequently.
Explain that with both sets of grandparents you'll now be scheduling visits.
Suggest that your folks wait until you invite them to come again.
And limit their visit to a couple times per year. I'd store all the stuff they have left in your spare bedroom....in your garage.
My parents live about 8 hours away so they have been flying in to visit me, DH and my 1 year old since she was born. At first it was great since my mom would babysit for months but though I love my parents, it's too much for others. They're pretty loud and took our house to be their own. They have pretty much overstayed by coming for a week or two every 1-2 months. They don't see anything wrong with it despite me telling them it's the lack of privacy and that it's just not their home. They have brought a lot of stuff here and leave it at our house so our guest room has become theirs but DH can't take it anymore. Having a really difficult time telling them they just can't stay with us anymore bc it's just not working out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
Serenity2388
Sounds like it might be easier to convey this to your folks by phone, or even a FB message, or letter than in person. That way they can read the message over a few times.
Make sure they understand that you do not wish to hurt their feelings.....but make your point clear that you and your husband are trying to strengthen your family bond, and would like more privacy to be able to do that. Besides it can be disruptive when folks work, to have company so frequently.
Explain that with both sets of grandparents you'll now be scheduling visits.
Suggest that your folks wait until you invite them to come again.
And limit their visit to a couple times per year. I'd store all the stuff they have left in your spare bedroom....in your garage.
Serenity2388, JanND gave you some great advice. Please follow it unless you want the situation to get even worse.
I especially agree with the advice of moving all of their personal stuff out of your guest room. If you leave it in there it gives them the unspoken message that the room belongs to them and they can use it any time that they want to use it. I can also see how having all that stuff of your parents in your home may be a constant irritant to your spouse and a reminder of how often your parents visit and how they "take over your house & your lives" when they visit.
Yes, thank you very much for your advice. I realize it's a combination of marriage and parent/child type advice now that there are so many personalities involved. I have tried talking to my parents again in person even and they just don't get it still. They keep guilting me that I'm forgetting my parents and who raised me when that's not all that it is. I don't think they'll ever understand since I've been kind of like the "daddy's little girl" and the non rebellious child. It's a different family culture than what my husband grew up with. His parents haven't been respectful to me either so I feel that's why my parents feel they need to be here to protect me. Overall it would be best to just see each other once in a while I suppose so we don't get too much of each other. I had never heard the saying house guests are like fish and smell after 3 days but I understand it more now. I hope that over time we can all come to some better agreements amongst all of us.
I've almost "moved in" at my daughter's house. She has two little boys, an infant and a three-year-old. I stayed with them over the summer (I work for a school district and am off summers), 3 to 4 days a week to babysit my grandson, while she worked. She was still pregnant at the time. She runs her own business and works long hours. Her DH (grandkids' father) works full time AND has a business, so isn't home as much as he'd like to be. I asked her if he didn't resent me being there all the time, and she said they were both very grateful. They have a really large house, and I have a nice bedroom to myself, and an adjoining bathroom, which makes it easier.
I kept the house tidy, took care of the gardens, and had magical times with my grandson. It worked out really well. When she was in the hospital with the baby, I stayed there with my grandson. I still spend weekends there...Friday night through Sunday...to help out with the new baby, the housework, cooking, and spend time with oldest grandson (who is having a very hard time transitioning to a new baby brother). Christmas vacation is coming up, and I'll spend a good chunk of the two weeks there! Good thing DH doesn't mind. I just like being useful to them right now.
Just trying to be a good houseguest and want a good relationship with my son's and their wives. I have never stayed more than 10 days so thankfully I have never had issues. At least that they have told me. I guess I was surprised to see so many internet searches that are coming from adult kids in regards to their parents/inlaws overstaying their welcome. And so little input coming from "grandparents". It's like a whole generation of people who seem to forget what it's like to be young and married,working....my own inlaws/parents rarely vacationed with us or visited for long stretches when my kids were young. I am a 50's baby. But my parents lived in state. Different times I suppose.
I can't imagine my parents or my inlaws staying with us for more than a night or two. It would have been awful. They lived close enough that they could go home.
If we are ever blessed with grandkids, I can't imagine spending a week or more in son's house. We would stay in a hotel and allow both of us to have some privacy and down time. I could imagine sleeping at my son's house for one night if son and DIL were gone for late evening or overnight. Other than that, I would not want to stay in my children's home.
I've almost "moved in" at my daughter's house. She has two little boys, an infant and a three-year-old. I stayed with them over the summer (I work for a school district and am off summers), 3 to 4 days a week to babysit my grandson, while she worked. She was still pregnant at the time. She runs her own business and works long hours. Her DH (grandkids' father) works full time AND has a business, so isn't home as much as he'd like to be. I asked her if he didn't resent me being there all the time, and she said they were both very grateful. They have a really large house, and I have a nice bedroom to myself, and an adjoining bathroom, which makes it easier.
I kept the house tidy, took care of the gardens, and had magical times with my grandson. It worked out really well. When she was in the hospital with the baby, I stayed there with my grandson. I still spend weekends there...Friday night through Sunday...to help out with the new baby, the housework, cooking, and spend time with oldest grandson (who is having a very hard time transitioning to a new baby brother). Christmas vacation is coming up, and I'll spend a good chunk of the two weeks there! Good thing DH doesn't mind. I just like being useful to them right now.
That's wonderful that you can help them out like that. Under those circumstances I would try to do the same but it would be difficult. Or maybe it wouldn't, not being a grandparent I don't know.
When my mother in law visits alone it's heaven. She's super organized and I feel like I already learn great organizational skills from her. She's really upbeat, loves talking about nutrition and cooking and gardening. We have a lot in common. She could stay 2-3 weeks and it would be fine. Plus, my husband is so happy when she's around.
When father in law and mother in law comes I can take about a week and then I start to go nuts. Actually, I go crazy around day 4. He gets mad if I say something he doesn't agree with - he sulks for days and doesn't say a word. He's really moody and if we don't say the right thing he just broods and doesn't tell us why. Sometimes we don't know why. It's really stressful. But, mother and father in law usually come out for 2 weeks.
My mom starts to grate on My husband after three days. she just has a different outlook on life and my husband feels like she talks all the time and keeps asking him for help with everything all the time. She comes out for a 8 days.
The flight to come out to visit us is long and pricey and the choice is often not to see grandparents at all or just deal with them coming out for 1-2 weeks. It really is too bad they won't come out for a shorter period of time as our relationship gets really strained. But I get it.
Our family lives all over the country and we all stay at each other's homes when we visit. Some times we have 20 or more family members at our house, which we love, lots of grandbabies, aunts, uncles, great grandparents all interacting together.
Time is short, enjoy the times you can get together.
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I guess I was surprised to see so many internet searches that are coming from adult kids in regards to their parents/inlaws overstaying their welcome. And so little input coming from "grandparents". It's like a whole generation of people who seem to forget what it's like to be young and married,working....my own inlaws/parents rarely vacationed with us or visited for long stretches when my kids were young. I am a 50's baby. But my parents lived in state. Different times I suppose.
