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I very much doubt that your mother intentionally "rushed out to buy a dog before I arrived." Unless she actually told you this I think you are making unfair assumptions about her. I think you are trying to justify her choice to keep her dog instead of cater to you in the same way. You feel slighted...that she is doing something to spite you or show disrespect for your religious choice...you are assuming something that may not be true.
Your mother is being very supportive of you and your husband. Now you are asking a lot more. In fact, I feel you are the one being disrespectful. "Sitting her down", lecturing her about what she does in her own home. Demanding that she abandon a beloved companion just to suit a religion she doesn't even follow. Feeling slighted.
You and your husband are adults. Time to stop depending on others. Control your urge for children until you are living with your husband and are in control of your own lives. Yep, you won't have the live-in babysitter by then, but you will have your own home and can dictate whatever you want there.
^this!
plus, she is not choosing an animal over a relationship with you or her grandchild..you are.
Your parents HAVE been supporting you. Both emotionally and financially. You are the one drawing the line in the sand. There is no reason to have the child alone or expect that they will not be there for you in the future.
My advice would be to move out and get your own house. I can't believe you gave the owner of the home you're living in an ultimatum about what she can have in her own home.
Either Your husband should learn to overcome his fear of dogs, or you should find a new place to live (preferrably near your mother). You will likely learn to appreciate living near (or with) your mother after you have young kids. Instant babysitters are invaluable. Don’t let a silly fear of dogs come between you and your mother. Please do not make your mother change her lifestyle to accommodate your husband’s whims.
Wow another ungrateful child. Do you really not see all she is doing for you? 27 and 30 year olds still living at home so you can save. Lucky you. I was out at 18 and my husband was out sooner. "And" you want a built in babysitter. Geez...grow up and start your own life.
Hello all. My husband and I have been married two years and are thinking about having our first child. I am 27 and currently living with my parents, and my husband is 30 and lives 350 miles away for work. He drives home twice a month. Since he is a contractor, we are waiting until he gets a more stable job until I leave my job near my parent's home and move out to join him. We are trying to save up money as fast as we can to put a down payment on a condo.
My husband was born muslim and I converted, so we don't believe in having dogs in the house.
Oops. Here; let me help you with that last sentence:
... “My husband was born muslim and I converted, so we don't believe in having dogs in OUR house”
Quote:
Originally Posted by beebee mcgee
My mother knew this before we moved in two years ago, yet rushed to buy a dog before we arrived. We don't know why she made sure to buy the dog before we arrived. This upset my husband but nonetheless he has put up with it. Since he moved out for work 4 months ago things have gotten a lot better in this regard.
LOL ... your mom sounds like a pretty smart woman ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by beebee mcgee
Anyways, I sat my mom down to tell her we were thinking about having a child. I want my parents to be in my child's life so I suggested I have the baby while I'm still at home so she can spend time with it before I move out. This would also take a lot of stress off my back and give me some company when dealing with the newborn. She was somewhat excited about it, but then I told her that my husband is totally against there being a dog in the house with a newborn baby. She immediately changed her expression and said 'The dog is staying no matter what.'
So I said, "Alright, then I guess we will move out before I have a baby," and she said, "Yeah I guess you will." I am just shocked that she is choosing an animal over a relationship with us and her grandchild, and also how she has no respect for my husband's feelings about dogs.
No. She didn’t dish out the ultimatum; you did.
And you don’t really know if she has respect for your husbands feelings about dogs. You won’t find out until she comes to your house: If she brings the dog= no respect. Does not bring the dog = respect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beebee mcgee
Does she think the dog will care for her in old age? He has seen many dogs bite children and just does not trust them. I side with him on this issue. I don't think it's fair to tell him to just get over it. It's his child.
Her dog. Her house. His child. His issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beebee mcgee
It just feels like she has chosen the dog over us, in which case, I will move out ASAP, give birth on my own, and have no one around to support me through this time. My parents are the only family I have besides my husband. Any advice?
Do it! I did! I dare you ...
Except when I did it I was actually “alone” so nobody was out providing for me. I had to do that myself. Oh yeah ... and I had twins. So, really; no comparison.
OP, what do you expect her to do with the dog? Board it in a kennel for a year? (Expensive, and a little inhumane for the dog.) Sell it, then get another a year later, when you leave? Also, your whole scenario is hypothetical at this point. You don't know when your husband's job situation will finally stabilize. I think it's a bad idea to have a child basically on your own, then move into marital life together, with a child already. You two should have some bonding time together, some transition time.
There's another alternative you haven't thought of; you could invite your mother to stay with you for six months, AFTER you're settled in, AFTER you and your husband have had months, perhaps a year or more, to enjoy your time together, before having a child. You seem to want to use your religion to push your mom around. In her own home, no less. That's weird.
OP, my troll-meter is almost pegged, but I'll bite.
Here's my advice:
Wait on the baby until you and your husband are in the same zip code, whether you rent or own. Many couples rent while they're saving to own. That way the baby's father can be the person who will take a lot of stress of your back and will give you some company while dealing with a newborn. Also, it will promote bonding between them. That's the customary scenario for good reason.
I'm sure your parents will be delighted to come and snuggle the baby, and equally sure they won't bring the dog.
Keep the parents, the husband, the baby, and the dream, but keep it under your own (or rented) dog-free roof. Two years is way too long to live with your parents after marriage, anyway. Take charge of your life as a couple.
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