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My dad’s family was quite dysfunctional and had a sad childhood. My dad was 12 when his older brother (my uncle) had enough and walked out and they never heard from him again. My uncle had got involved in the wrong crowd. My cousin tracked him down nearly 45 years later which the missing uncle only wanted to remain in touch with another uncle and not the other siblings.
Unfortunately recently my missing uncle collapsed and passed away. My dad had to go to my uncle’s flat who he had not seen in 50 years. He was choked at the living conditions he was in and found diary entries about his mental health issues and he talked about his family recently from 50 years ago.
I saw the photos of the property and the living conditions were unhealthy from a dodgy landlord. After investigating he had been to solicitors about the disrepairs and had tried to move. There were lots of photos of gangs outside his flats and rubbish etc everywhere which affected him. He also tried to contact charities and was enticed with lottery scams due to debt issues. He went to mental health services. He tried to join church groups for companionship.
I had heard a lot about the missing uncle over the years as it affected my dad. The hospital said my uncle was a nice man. I don’t know why but I feel like crying and I had never even met him. My missing uncle had told my other uncle getting involved in the wrong crowd ruined his life. It’s just sad as his family would have welcomed him back with open arms but he had a tough time due to his deceased parents. I just don’t want to feel sad.
The situation as a whole is what you are sad about. You can't deny grief, so let it happen. No one can go back and change the past. Acknowledge it. Your sadness will pass.
You are not responsible for the disfunction of your Father’s family. It’s ok to be sad for your uncle, but it’s not ok to take the disfunction upon yourself.
I am so sorry that your Uncle passed away in such conditions. And, he reached out for help but was rebuffed. Did he have children? You can grieve for the relationship you never had and for his loss of a productive fulfilling life. Be resolute to live the best life you can. And, again, I am sorry.
I am so sorry that your Uncle passed away in such conditions. And, he reached out for help but was rebuffed. Did he have children? You can grieve for the relationship you never had and for his loss of a productive fulfilling life. Be resolute to live the best life you can. And, again, I am sorry.
Thank you for your kind words too. Yes, I have reevaluated my life since all of this and time and people are precious.
What a story. Not uncommon I'd guess.
Long ago when I was a psychiatric social worker, one of my admissions was a guy the cops (I think) had found living down by the river. Not the only homeless guy who lived there. He'd been there for years, he was in his 60s probably. Not in great shape but fairly healthy physically considering where he'd been.
I tracked down his family, they were in shock and amazement and were very grateful to hear about their brother. They of course got to the hospital ASAP.
He got stabilized and was discharged to his sister's care. I got a letter from her some time later, he had died either from natural causes or an industrial accident where he was helping out and some tubes fell on him.
At any rate, the family was quite grateful that he'd returned after all these years. I just thought of this, but I didn't 25 years ago. I should have gone down to the PD and thanked the cop or cops who'd found this guy. They're the ones who rescued him, who made it possible for his family to see him again.
What a story. Not uncommon I'd guess.
Long ago when I was a psychiatric social worker, one of my admissions was a guy the cops (I think) had found living down by the river. Not the only homeless guy who lived there. He'd been there for years, he was in his 60s probably. Not in great shape but fairly healthy physically considering where he'd been.
I tracked down his family, they were in shock and amazement and were very grateful to hear about their brother. They of course got to the hospital ASAP.
He got stabilized and was discharged to his sister's care. I got a letter from her some time later, he had died either from natural causes or an industrial accident where he was helping out and some tubes fell on him.
At any rate, the family was quite grateful that he'd returned after all these years. I just thought of this, but I didn't 25 years ago. I should have gone down to the PD and thanked the cop or cops who'd found this guy. They're the ones who rescued him, who made it possible for his family to see him again.
Disappearances are the worst.
Thank you for your story. It is interesting that it happens. My dad still questions things as he found that his brother has found out that my dad got married and located where my dad had moved to as he had written down my dad's new address and how to get to his property. It is a sign he wanted to get in touch but something held him back. He didn't write about the other siblings apart from the one who traced him. He even changed his middle name to my dad's name.
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