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How cool. I've been following your and Kathryn's stories about your processes after losing your husbands after so many years of marriage.
I've thought of moving too, though my move would be partly motivated to "I'm sick of winter!" which I used to love, and partly because there's really nothing here for me.
I ended up in probate, months of nightmare and hassle, thanks to my wife's daughter and kook bf, which really threw a wrench into the grieving process. They ended up screwing themselves by being mean and impatient.
But that's done. Disposing of an overload of furniture and books and glassware and family items is the next step. And we have five outside (and four indoor) cats we care for. I care for. What of them? I cannot abandon. I would never consider that. We call them the kids, my wife and I have cared for them and loved them for four plus years. And I don't know if I'm up for another big move, we've moved many times.
But I get it, I get it moving on and moving to a more user-friendly geographic area to step into your next stages of life. It's smart, it's brave. I'm happy for you guys, gals, encouraged. The next step is a big step, and you're taking it.
Wow!
Love that last line.' the journey continues'.
I think the path of least resistance - indirect expression to anyone within ear shot will do! My aunt did this during her transitional phases of loss. May I say, from the outside looking in. It was painful to be the target of her outbursts. Even the few times I redirected her in her outbursts, ultimately. She would say ...I just miss him!! And that's all it took. The acknowledgement. The , yes. He is gone and very much missed.
Props to you tallysmom, new direction and lifestyle change in your journey! A subtle nod of support in that endeavor. ...peace to you.
How cool. I've been following your and Kathryn's stories about your processes after losing your husbands after so many years of marriage.
I've thought of moving too, though my move would be partly motivated to "I'm sick of winter!" which I used to love, and partly because there's really nothing here for me.
I ended up in probate, months of nightmare and hassle, thanks to my wife's daughter and kook bf, which really threw a wrench into the grieving process. They ended up screwing themselves by being mean and impatient.
But that's done. Disposing of an overload of furniture and books and glassware and family items is the next step. And we have five outside (and four indoor) cats we care for. I care for. What of them? I cannot abandon. I would never consider that. We call them the kids, my wife and I have cared for them and loved them for four plus years. And I don't know if I'm up for another big move, we've moved many times.
But I get it, I get it moving on and moving to a more user-friendly geographic area to step into your next stages of life. It's smart, it's brave. I'm happy for you guys, gals, encouraged. The next step is a big step, and you're taking it.
The journey continues...
I have 6 cats… so far the only solution I have come up with is rent an RV, shove them in and hit the road. And I’m moving back to the snow so call me crazy.
Dear husband was the cat whisperer. My saga started September 2018 which makes that 3 years and some months ago. Actually if you wanna go back a little farther than that a number of our cats were very old, and the ferals have this tendency to disappear because they don’t want to be near you, so it’s very rare that you can catch them to take them somewhere to have them go peacefully into that dark night. So, I have had to deal with a great many losses. And the fact that my husband loved those cats so much, and I do too, I cannot just take them to the SPCA and say here I’m moving I can’t take these. It’s a disservice I’m gonna cry thinking about it, it’s a disservice to the cats who are old and probably not going to get adopted, and it’s a dishonor to my husband. Who has 11 cats in the urn with him. But that’s got to be a secret because a lot of cemeteries won’t take him with mixed ashes when I get them back there. Which I really don’t understand because their ashes, in an earn, in a niche. But they have rules. Just make sure he’s shaken up really well so they can’t tell.
I do have people that don’t understand it, to them they’re just animals. But no they’re my babies.
I have 6 cats… so far the only solution I have come up with is rent an RV, shove them in and hit the road. And I’m moving back to the snow so call me crazy.
Dear husband was the cat whisperer. My saga started September 2018 which makes that 3 years and some months ago. Actually if you wanna go back a little farther than that a number of our cats were very old, and the ferals have this tendency to disappear because they don’t want to be near you, so it’s very rare that you can catch them to take them somewhere to have them go peacefully into that dark night. So, I have had to deal with a great many losses. And the fact that my husband loved those cats so much, and I do too, I cannot just take them to the SPCA and say here I’m moving I can’t take these. It’s a disservice I’m gonna cry thinking about it, it’s a disservice to the cats who are old and probably not going to get adopted, and it’s a dishonor to my husband. Who has 11 cats in the urn with him. But that’s got to be a secret because a lot of cemeteries won’t take him with mixed ashes when I get them back there. Which I really don’t understand because their ashes, in an earn, in a niche. But they have rules. Just make sure he’s shaken up really well so they can’t tell.
I do have people that don’t understand it, to them they’re just animals. But no they’re my babies.
RV or large van sounds like Plan A. Plan B, rent a plane, if you have a spare 10-15 grand. That's the quick way.
I was talking to a cat shelter lady several months back, I needed to get a will and a pet trust done, all that stuff. Which is still hanging in the air. I wanted to get some ideas on how to arrange care for the survivors, if some of the cats should outlive me. She said kittens get adopted quickly, everyone wants a kitten. But nobody's adopting adult cats. That was in the middle of covid.
My wife and I sought out the least likely to ever get out of the shelter kitties. That's how we adopted Bizzie and Shelly, and that's how we chose two who still live with me, Molly and River. They were about 14 when we adopted them. They're about 18 now. River hasn't eaten much lately so I need to get her to the ER. It's the outside cats I'm concerned about. Take them too, fence the yard, buy a house with a barn? They've been our babies for 4+ years. They've tamed down a lot, from don't come near me but I'll eat your food, to very affectionate rolling around on their backs rubbing on your legs cats.
Great idea, one urn. I spoke with the lady at the cemetery where I'll be planted when my toes go up for the last time. I said is it OK to have urns in the casket? She said yeah, no real tough rules about casket stuff. So I have Oodle, Bizzie and Shelly, and TJ and BoP--two outsiders--ashes. But I didn't think of combining the ashes. I doubt anybody would mind. My wife's awful daughter got Sammy's ashes, our Lab Retriever. That was her dog for a while.
That's funny, my wife called me a cat whisperer. They follow me. But spring of 2020, BoP jumped into her lap unannounced, and settled in. She was so happy. Then Taurus squeezed in. That was a hoot. Two XL cats in her small lap. But there was enough love to go around to everyone. That really made her day, and her springtime. She departed that autumn. I'm sure they're all together.
Every day, after feeding them in back, we'd go to the front porch and Kitty X and Kitty Y would squeeze onto her lap. Too cute.
Losses. I promised our kitties I'd outlive them, so I could care for them to the end. I'll do my best to keep that promise. Apologies if I'm rattling on about this, but this is where I am. We deal with our losses, we move on.
RV or large van sounds like Plan A. Plan B, rent a plane, if you have a spare 10-15 grand. That's the quick way.
I was talking to a cat shelter lady several months back, I needed to get a will and a pet trust done, all that stuff. Which is still hanging in the air. I wanted to get some ideas on how to arrange care for the survivors, if some of the cats should outlive me. She said kittens get adopted quickly, everyone wants a kitten. But nobody's adopting adult cats. That was in the middle of covid.
My wife and I sought out the least likely to ever get out of the shelter kitties. That's how we adopted Bizzie and Shelly, and that's how we chose two who still live with me, Molly and River. They were about 14 when we adopted them. They're about 18 now. River hasn't eaten much lately so I need to get her to the ER. It's the outside cats I'm concerned about. Take them too, fence the yard, buy a house with a barn? They've been our babies for 4+ years. They've tamed down a lot, from don't come near me but I'll eat your food, to very affectionate rolling around on their backs rubbing on your legs cats.
Great idea, one urn. I spoke with the lady at the cemetery where I'll be planted when my toes go up for the last time. I said is it OK to have urns in the casket? She said yeah, no real tough rules about casket stuff. So I have Oodle, Bizzie and Shelly, and TJ and BoP--two outsiders--ashes. But I didn't think of combining the ashes. I doubt anybody would mind. My wife's awful daughter got Sammy's ashes, our Lab Retriever. That was her dog for a while.
That's funny, my wife called me a cat whisperer. They follow me. But spring of 2020, BoP jumped into her lap unannounced, and settled in. She was so happy. Then Taurus squeezed in. That was a hoot. Two XL cats in her small lap. But there was enough love to go around to everyone. That really made her day, and her springtime. She departed that autumn. I'm sure they're all together.
Every day, after feeding them in back, we'd go to the front porch and Kitty X and Kitty Y would squeeze onto her lap. Too cute.
Losses. I promised our kitties I'd outlive them, so I could care for them to the end. I'll do my best to keep that promise. Apologies if I'm rattling on about this, but this is where I am. We deal with our losses, we move on.
Not so funny story now, but I could not bear when the cats died to not have their ashes back. It was literally the most expensive way to do it, but I wanted those ashes back. And my husband used to say all the time I can’t imagine that I’ll live to 60. And I would always say well if you go first, I’ll put their ashes in with you.
And when I say he said that all the time, he said that a lot. And he was 59 1/2 when he died.
I actually think it’s good you’re thinking about this. A lot of people don’t.
No, you bought YOUR new home. That's what it will be and it will be a grand experience! I bypassed a lot of the angst you're going through because I already owned the house where I lived after my husband died. I had bought it as an investment property just outside of my work location, but could never bear to rent it. I loved that little house so much that I'd go out at lunchtime and just sit and decompress from the stress of work. After my husband died I sold our house and moved completely into the little old bungalow.
And I understand about the cats - I moved 5 into the bungalow with the cargo van. I'm so glad I bought that Ford Transit!
One of the cat's least favorite things is traveling and moving. If I move one item in my house my cats have to completely investigate every nuance. The cats are good for you and great company and it's worth it to compensate for them
I recently discovered this thing about how my cats can't go with me if I want my ashes stored at the cemetery -- poo! I don't want to be buried as I'm claustrophobic)... But, you can get the pet ashes in with you if you go that route.
One of the cat's least favorite things is traveling and moving. If I move one item in my house my cats have to completely investigate every nuance. The cats are good for you and great company and it's worth it to compensate for them
I recently discovered this thing about how my cats can't go with me if I want my ashes stored at the cemetery -- poo! I don't want to be buried as I'm claustrophobic)... But, you can get the pet ashes in with you if you go that route.
Right - nobody is doing a DNA analysis of any ashes.
I agree - I always have to leave my cats in the bathroom while the movers are coming and then in the bathroom again at the new house.
I have lost two cats over the years and both were in the midst of a move. One just got out of the house (this was before I knew about the bathroom trick) and the other was in the bathroom but the movers accidentally let him out and he ran straight for the front door and out of it. One was when I was moving OUT of a house and the other was when I was moving into one. I would recommend crating them if you can get them into crates - but for me, getting a cat into a crate has always been a massive undertaking.
One time I managed to get a cat into a crate for a vet appointment. It was really an ordeal, believe me, and I was bleeding when it was done. I thought they were only closed from 12 till 1 but when I got there, at about 11:25, I realized they were closed from 11:30 till 1. So I had a major thing to consider. I lived close to the vet's office but still - I had to decide whether or not to let that cat out of that crate for an hour and a half. I decided no, and I had to put the crate in a back bedroom and close the door and I could still hear that caterwauling throughout the house!
Some cats are better behaved than others though - LOL.
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Solly says — Be nice!
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I loved that little house so much that I'd go out at lunchtime and just sit and decompress from the stress of work. After my husband died I sold our house and moved completely into the little old bungalow.
as I'm claustrophobic)... But, you can get the pet ashes in with you if you go that route.
