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A neighbor and very good friend of mine passed away last week. We lived in the same apartment complex until she moved just before Covid hit, but we still kept in frequent contact.
Now, this person was there for me a few years ago, at one of my darkest moments in my life - so much so, I actually spoke of taking my own life! She called the police and next thing I know, there's three police officers and her, right in front of the house. I was a mess - they took me to the hospital in an ambulance; my friend followed. And she was there to help me. I'm forever grateful to her.
Anyway, my friend's sons asked me to eulogize at their mom's funeral. And although I was honored to be asked, I had to say no. Thinking of how their mom helped me, I just didn't think that I could read the eulogy without losing my composure. I just didn't want to embarrass myself in front of everyone, sobbing and not being able to get the words out..
Luckily, they understood. It's been a week now, and I'm still crying. I feel as if I didn't thank her enough for everything she's done.
A neighbor and very good friend of mine passed away last week. We lived in the same apartment complex until she moved just before Covid hit, but we still kept in frequent contact.
Now, this person was there for me a few years ago, at one of my darkest moments in my life - so much so, I actually spoke of taking my own life! She called the police and next thing I know, there's three police officers and her, right in front of the house. I was a mess - they took me to the hospital in an ambulance; my friend followed. And she was there to help me. I'm forever grateful to her.
Anyway, my friend's sons asked me to eulogize at their mom's funeral. And although I was honored to be asked, I had to say no. Thinking of how their mom helped me, I just didn't think that I could read the eulogy without losing my composure. I just didn't want to embarrass myself in front of everyone, sobbing and not being able to get the words out..
Luckily, they understood. It's been a week now, and I'm still crying. I feel as if I didn't thank her enough for everything she's done.
Wow, it sounds like the two of you were very close, and I am so sorry for your loss. I totally get the whole thing about not wanting to do the eulogy. It would be very, very difficult.
You could have written down your thoughts and someone else could have read them. But don’t be so hard on yourself, because a lot of people couldn’t have done it either.
When my father died neither of my cousins, a minister and a professional singer, could accept my request to participate in his funeral. Both said it would be too emotional for them. People who care deeply have deep feelings as you know.
I imagine it gave your friend a great deal of joy to be able to help you. It isn't a common occurrence to try to help someone who is suicidal and to have them make such good use of your help.
If your friend were alive which thing - going to the funeral or helping you - do you think they would say was more important to them?
You can let your continued life be a tribute to your friend in respect. That would be a very large honor.
It's commendable that you were honest in your height of grief to recind.
My condolences to you in this time of loss.
While the opportunity may be foregone I have an idea.
Send a brief note to the family with some memories of her deeds. Express your gratitude of her strength or guidance.
At one of my friends memorial service, a lovely publishing was given to the family. Inside were those who were impacted or had a savored memory they expressed. Some of those memories had such comfort or laughs! Lasting and still able to serve the purpose of a eulogy.
There are and were 4 adult children. My brother actually requested that none of us speak since he knew all of us - including him - would be too emotional.
What we did was compile an insert which what we would have said. So, four adult children and their spouses - 8 entries - back and forth of an insert.
We did not see it until the Friday before the service and each of us came from a different viewpoint.
People now have this to read in their quiet moments and remember her.
My sisters made all her favorite recipes and made up recipe cards. They made up about 75 each. We ran out of food, recipe cards.
Expected 125 - got 300 people there.
The ones we have not seen in 20-30-40 years - it made our day. My mother would have been thrilled. It was a true celebration of her life.
I will never ask again if I should go to a funeral - if I knew the person and want to go, I will go. I know now what a comfort it is to the family.
To the OP - Just make sure after you continue to keep in touch. A card or letter is so appreciated.
Totally understandable, OP. I'm an only child and had always thought I'd do my Mom's eulogy. I mean, who else knew her as well as I did? I even wrote it ahead of time. But when the time came, I couldn't do it. I was too afraid I'd get up there, look out at the people and completely lose it. I asked a cousin and she said she'd be too emotional (even though she had done another cousin's eulogy). She suggested her brother, who had done the eulogy for his father-in-law. He agreed to do it and one of his sisters wrote it out for him. I gave them some general highlights. I knew he wouldn't be emotional and he wasn't. He did a great job.
Totally understandable, OP. I'm an only child and had always thought I'd do my Mom's eulogy. I mean, who else knew her as well as I did? I even wrote it ahead of time. But when the time came, I couldn't do it. I was too afraid I'd get up there, look out at the people and completely lose it. I asked a cousin and she said she'd be too emotional (even though she had done another cousin's eulogy). She suggested her brother, who had done the eulogy for his father-in-law. He agreed to do it and one of his sisters wrote it out for him. I gave them some general highlights. I knew he wouldn't be emotional and he wasn't. He did a great job.
So very sorry for the loss of your dear friend.
Thanks! Although I did attend the service, I didn't go to the burial. I just can't bring myself to see someone get put into the ground. When my dad passed away in 2009, I held up okay until the graveside service. But when they lowered his casket into the ground, I lost it completely - I was a basket case!
Thanks! Although I did attend the service, I didn't go to the burial. I just can't bring myself to see someone get put into the ground. When my dad passed away in 2009, I held up okay until the graveside service. But when they lowered his casket into the ground, I lost it completely - I was a basket case!
Wow, do they still do that? At my uncle's funeral in 2010, his casket stayed above-ground while we left. I remember because I loved the color (blue, uncle's favorite) and I took a picture of it to send to my Mom in Florida.
I do remember the days of lowering the casket and all the emotions that come with it. A friend of mine died young and his girlfriend started screaming when they lowered it. I thought she was going to jump in.
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What we did after my mother passed away
