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Finally had the time and the wherewithal to burn most of my former husband's paperwork. I kept anything that involved our joint taxes, our marriage license, divorce decree, and a few memories such as the blueprints from the two houses that he had built as there are mostly good memories from our times in those houses.
The thing that struck me as I fed the papers into the fireplace and watched them burn was wondering if this really all there is left of a life. A few papers, some pictures, a key and a title to a vehicle that has long since gone to the crusher, a wedding ring... The man who always was the best host had no send off of his own. No funeral, no memorial service--just a few short lines and a picture of him in better times posted online.
There was supposed to have been a memorial of some sort around his birthday, but there's been so much animosity between my former FIL and SIL that it went by the wayside. My former spouse always was the family peacemaker, the level-headed one, the child with his mother's sweetness, so it's sad to see that this is how things went. No sense in sending any of them my ex's few remaining personal items with the way that things are.
Tonight's the big game, so he's been on my mind off and on all day. He'd have been so stoked about it as it's been eleven years since the last one. Being a perennial season ticket holder, he went to every one of his alma mater's home football games when he was still well.
If he were alive, we'd have had one of those brief message exchanges that we'd have when we'd see something like this that would make us think of the other. It's amazing how much changes in eleven years. I guess at the end of the day, even after death, the bond of friendship that we began with so long ago is still present.
Finally had the time and the wherewithal to burn most of my former husband's paperwork. I kept anything that involved our joint taxes, our marriage license, divorce decree, and a few memories such as the blueprints from the two houses that he had built as there are mostly good memories from our times in those houses.
The thing that struck me as I fed the papers into the fireplace and watched them burn was wondering if this really all there is left of a life. A few papers, some pictures, a key and a title to a vehicle that has long since gone to the crusher, a wedding ring... The man who always was the best host had no send off of his own. No funeral, no memorial service--just a few short lines and a picture of him in better times posted online.
There was supposed to have been a memorial of some sort around his birthday, but there's been so much animosity between my former FIL and SIL that it went by the wayside. My former spouse always was the family peacemaker, the level-headed one, the child with his mother's sweetness, so it's sad to see that this is how things went. No sense in sending any of them my ex's few remaining personal items with the way that things are.
Tonight's the big game, so he's been on my mind off and on all day. He'd have been so stoked about it as it's been eleven years since the last one. Being a perennial season ticket holder, he went to every one of his alma mater's home football games when he was still well.
If he were alive, we'd have had one of those brief message exchanges that we'd have when we'd see something like this that would make us think of the other. It's amazing how much changes in eleven years. I guess at the end of the day, even after death, the bond of friendship that we began with so long ago is still present.
I may be way off base here, but I think you knew all along what you wanted to do with the papers. I think you just wanted to "talk." I think you are truly grieving. Maybe you do not realise it? Maybe you do not want to admit it? Maybe you just wanted a sort of indirect entry into the subject? Whatever it is that is on your heart and mind, it is okay. Let yourself feel whatever is it you are feeling. It is very sad to look back on a relationship that was often filled with so many plans, so much laughter, hope, and love, but that ultimately came undone because of all sorts of problems and pressures, one of which was addiction. It really hurts to realise you will never see, hear, or touch that person again and to admit to yourself that you still love him in some ways. It is sad to know it finally is "over." I suspect that in some sense he was always your best friend, and in some ways he always will be. It is okay to grieve. If you have not done so yet, let yourself have a good cry.
Suggestion: Record what you let go. Bruce's medical records I shredded, he was disabled 24 years. Did keep several, the beginning of his accident.
Someone reading this, wish I wrote down belongings of his, not that I wanted them. Trying to remember what I did let go. Again, wish I have waited to let go, I was so numb for at least a year.
What was most comforting, there is no time limit on grief. For me a gradual adjustment after 41 years of one life, beginning of a new journey.
Suggestion: Record what you let go. Bruce's medical records I shredded, he was disabled 24 years. Did keep several, the beginning of his accident.
Someone reading this, wish I wrote down belongings of his, not that I wanted them. Trying to remember what I did let go. Again, wish I have waited to let go, I was so numb for at least a year.
What was most comforting, there is no time limit on grief. For me a gradual adjustment after 41 years of one life, beginning of a new journey.
I could not agree more. I do not think we should try to hurry ourselves out of our grief or let others do that to us. It is a process, a coming to terms with a reality. It takes as long as it takes. I am still grieving a terrible loss from a few years ago. One of the most hurtful things is to be told that "its been X long now; you should be 'over it.'" I have taken comfort in Queen Elizabeth's statement some long while after King George so sadly passed in 1952. She was asked if she had gotten over his passing. She replied that one never "'gets over it.' One simply learns how to cope with it a little better with each passing day." I would add that in some cases the grieving never ends. I still weep if I spend more than one minute thinking about my loved one. Sometimes the bond is so strong that they take a part of you with them as they pass. I do not know the Truth about much, but I know the Truth of this.
You've already made your decision but just to chime in, I would get rid of everything (including the blueprints) except for official papers like birth certificate and tax returns <7 years.
Agree that those papers are not your responsibility. But I don't even play a lawyer on TV.
You might contact the current owners of the house, they might like the blueprints.
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