How to be a better household manager--overwhelmed! (vacuum, cleaner, cleaning)

[Bass101]

Hi,

I am new to being a household manager (i.e. homemaker). My husband and I bought our first house a year ago. Previously we were renters, and our apartments were small and pretty much required no maintenance. There was no yardwork to do and no repairs to do, as the landlord took care of everything. Also, when we lived in apartments in the city, we used to eat out most the time so meal planning and cooking weren't much of an issue.

This year I have really been trying hard to develop my skills as a household manager. But I am overwhelmed and not doing it very well! I am reading a very helpful book about how to be a better household manager and trying to put the tips into practice, but I feel like I am not doing a very good job. I am not doing a good job at running a smoothly running household.

Between cooking, cleaning, meal planning, dishes, going the grocery store, going to Target, laundry, car maintenance, paying bills, yardwork, lawnmowing, pet care, household maintenance and repairs, getting work done to the house, making appointments, and managing our social calendar, I am completely overwhelmed and not doing any of this well. And it's just me and my husband, no kids (yet). I feel like being a household manager is a full-time job. I spend pretty much all my spare time doing it, and I feel like I don't have a smoothly running house to show for it. I want to be more efficient, spend less time on it, and be able to not stress about it so much. Maybe when everything is running smoothly I will feel like I'm achieving these goals.

The things I'm good at include keeping the house clean and neat, and tidying up every day. This takes me about an hour and a half per day. And I am pretty good about going to the grocery store and making sure there's food in the house. I'm good with pet care as well. And I'm pretty good about managing our social calendar and making appointments. But I'm failing miserably with cooking, meal planning, getting supplies, laundry, and everything else. Our yard looks awful because my husband really doesn't have time to mow the lawn on a regular basis. So we could hire out a lawn service to help with that, and that could take care of one issue.

And then there's the issue of taking off time from work to be home for workers. How do others handle this? Do you wait until you have vacation time to schedule these repairs? For example last week our a/c broke. So I had to arrange to be home for that so they could figure out the problem. Then they had to come back another day with the right parts to fix the thing, that's another day of taking time off from work, waiting around for workers to come. Now we appear to have wasps in our wall/ductwork. I'm going to have to call an exterminator and arrange to be home for that too. How do people handle taking time off from work for all the maintenance type things that come up with owning a house?

How do others run a smoothly running household and what tips can you share? I feel like it's taking me a lot longer to get a handle on this than most people.

[Hedgehog_Mom]

Originally Posted by Bass101

Hi,

Between cooking, cleaning, meal planning, dishes, going the grocery store, going to Target, laundry, car maintenance, yardwork, lawnmowing, pet care, household maintenance and repairs, getting work done to the house, making appointments, and managing our social calendar, I am completely overwhelmed and not doing any of this well.

And then there's the issue of taking off time from work to be home for workers.

So you're doing all of that and working full-time too? And you feel like you're not doing enough?

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job.

By all means, hire someone to come out and do your yard. It won't cost a lot unless you've got a huge yard, and that will be one thing you can cross off your list.

About the meal planning and grocery shopping, why don't you plan for two weeks of meals at a time? Make a menu for the two weeks and buy everything you need. Freeze the meat until the day you need it. Designate several days to be dine-out days or take-out days, so that you know you have a break sometimes. On weekdays, try for meals that don't take long to prepare, and if you want to try anything complicated, save it for the weekend. You can use the same menu and shopping list over and over...just ask your husband now and then if there's anything he wants to change on the menu so he feels like he has some input.

Then, since you're only grocery shopping once every two weeks, go to target on the weekend that you don't do grocery shopping. Do a little fun shopping too, you're working so hard that you need to reward yourself!

For the laundry, do a load of laundry every day. Do light clothes one day, dark clothes the next. On the weekend, wash your sheets. I put the towels in with the regular laundry and it all seems to dry faster that way. If your husband wears dress shirts and you're wasting your time ironing them, send them to the cleaners. It doesn't cost much to launder shirts and they stay crisp longer than they do when they're ironed at home.

[bustaduke]

Originally Posted by Bass101

The things I'm good at include keeping the house clean and neat, and tidying up every day. This takes me about an hour and a half per day. And I am pretty good about going to the grocery store and making sure there's food in the house. I'm good with pet care as well. And I'm pretty good about managing our social calendar and making appointments. But I'm failing miserably with cooking, meal planning, getting supplies, laundry, and everything else. Our yard looks awful because my husband really doesn't have time to mow the lawn on a regular basis. So we could hire out a lawn service to help with that, and that could take care of one issue.

And then there's the issue of taking off time from work to be home for workers. How do others handle this? Do you wait until you have vacation time to schedule these repairs? For example last week our a/c broke. So I had to arrange to be home for that so they could figure out the problem. Then they had to come back another day with the right parts to fix the thing, that's another day of taking time off from work, waiting around for workers to come. Now we appear to have wasps in our wall/ductwork. I'm going to have to call an exterminator and arrange to be home for that too. How do people handle taking time off from work for all the maintenance type things that come up with owning a house?

How do others run a smoothly running household and what tips can you share? I feel like it's taking me a lot longer to get a handle on this than most people.

Congratulations on your first home purchase and welcome to being a homeowner.

First off you need to toss that book in the trash. Nothing will teach you how to run a household better then experience. The first pot of water I tried to boil I burnt. Yes I burnt water but years later I was an owner of several well known restaurants and can cook with the best of them.

And I know you say that you're responsible for cooking, cleaning, meal planning, dishes, going the grocery store, going to Target, laundry, car maintenance, paying bills, yard work, lawn mowing, pet care, household maintenance and repairs, getting work done to the house, making appointments, and managing your social calendar and your husband can't help because of his job.

I have to ask you why can't he help? I work 10 hour days and still find time to help out around the house. My wife and I work different hours and we each do what it takes to get the job done. I get home before her and I cut the grass, fix meals most of the time, take the dogs out, etc. and even do the laundry if I see it needs to be done. She does the same things in the morning when I'm at work. We work as a team and both of us do what it takes. Sorry but I fell your spouse is placing to much on you because of his job and you should ask and demand more from him. Maybe I'm wrong because I don't really know you two but all of this should not be on your shoulders.

In your post it sounds like you are both working and his job is more important and you are left with working and running the household. I don't care if you're a maid and you make 1/10th of his pay. You are still working and need help around the house and he should step up and help out.

As far as taking off for workers that come to do repairs. You need to find repair men that you can trust that you can leave in your home without you being there. I was a remodeling contractor for years and never did I expect a homeowner to sit with me. If they didn't trust me working in their home then I didn't sell them well enough on who I am. I still to this day have keys to my customers homes because the know that they can trust me. Hurricanes hit here all the time and they know that I will checkout their house when they are gone. Find someone who you can trust and that will help a lot.

Getting back to your husband. Sit him down tonight and tell him that you are overwhelmed and that you two need to find away for him to pitch in around the house more. Have you even told him, he may not even know that you need help?


busta

[BucsLose]

No offense but I envy you. Most people and couples all work day jobs and many find a way to prioritize and get it done. I'd love to be home all day being a "household manager".

[Cattknap]

Hmmm....so what exactly is it that your husband does?

[Tallysmom]

Heck -- I've caught water on fire. Twice.

It takes time to get into a routine, but honestly -- don't demand perfection from yourself on this. Home is your haven, and it's okay if you don't vacuum or pick up daily. And have your husband help, too. It really does make a marriage stronger to feel like you are both pulling together on this, and not just taking care of him. This isn't the 50's anymore.

And you will get into a routine....

[gentlearts]

The secret is to lower your expectations. You and your husband should share duties, and don't forget to keep some time to enjoy life. There is no reason why 2 healthy people can't get everything important done in a few hours in the evening. Keep the weekends free for fun and recreation.
Write out a schedule and stick to it. If you can afford help with yard work and cleaning, etc., then get it.

[birks]

For cooking, try foodwishes.com.
Video recipes at their best! If you get as into this site as I do, you'll find staple recipes there that will feed you for 2-3 days (dinner, then leftovers for lunch). And better yet, remembering what you have or don't have in your pantry at 6:30 pm on a Mon. night while your at the grocery store suddenly got easier for some reason.

[Ohiogirl81]

1) Give up the idea that you have to be perfect, or that you have to get everything tidied up every day. Really, the only chores you must do every day are feed the pets, feed yourselves, and maybe take out the trash.
2) Demand that your husband help you around the house. He lives there, too.
3) Have a glass of wine and relax, for heaven's sake.

[Hedgehog_Mom]

Originally Posted by BucsLose

No offense but I envy you. Most people and couples all work day jobs and many find a way to prioritize and get it done. I'd love to be home all day being a "household manager".

She said in the post that she is working full time.