Smoking saved my marriage?? (quit, thoughts, conscious, feeling)

[Ribbin]

Hi.

I am just-married to a pack-a-day smoker and after 15 years of smoking he finally quit Jan 1 2007. Yea! Things were good and I was happy. He wasn't so happy though, as he has a lot of energy and puts it toward his anxieties so he was more moody and gained weight as well.

Then I started being unhappy. I had all but forgotten that he had ever quit after a few months. I am not a smoker and it is natural for me to not smoke. This didn't help the situation because I just assumed things were cool and didn't give him the support and encouragement he needed. I started feeling CRAZY - like who is this guy I married?? I don't remember him being so angry! (Forgetting that he was still struggling with quitting...)

This last week our marriage was really on the rocks and we were about to separate. Then...he started SMOKING again after 7 non-smoking months!! Nooooo!

After thinking deeply on the matter I realized that I had not given him the reassurance he needed and hadn't truly realized the battle that was going on inside him every day. I took it ALL of his hard work not smoking for granted.

Now its been 3 days since he started again and I can't believe I am saying this but I actually feel like I like him more. He is back to being the guy I fell in love with. I am sooooo confused. I am VERY health conscious and I said that I would never want to live my life with a smoker. But...He is sooo chilled out and fun to be around.

I don't know how to be at peace with this these thoughts?

He says he is going to quit again soon and I am actually nervous about it!?

[Sweden]

Well, smoking isn't good for you (and all the other clichées) no matter what. So weighing him smoking against the bad things that can happen if he doesn't is not a valid reason as to why not support it. Which you already know, sorry.

The problem in this case (IMO) isn't the smoking in itself, but the "safety" he gets out of it. It's a habit of his, and when you have to breake a habit...well, we all know what that's like.
Try to suggest other things he can do on the occasons when he used to smoke (replace a habit with another), and support him, no matter what he's like (if it's because of withdraw).
Talk to him on a daily basis, preferably at the occasions when he usued to smoke a cigaret, (if he had any specifics, like after breakfast, at 10 o'clock, etc) about the benefits about quitting smoking (to make him more aware of them and for motivation), and make sure he knows that you understand why he's irritated for no appearant reason and does things he normally wouldnt.

Understanding and enabeling is the best way to control the situation.
I hope everything turns out well for you both- good luck!