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I'm not expecting an official psychologist diagnosis here, but maybe someone who has dealt with BPD's (a Borderline Personality Disorder person), in or out of relationships, could possibly shine some light on what has happened with me and this girl I met a few weeks back.
First off, I take 100% credit for the confusion and frusturation I have regarding this girl. I have no idea why, but I'm really attracted to crazy women for whatever reason (I'm trying to work on seeking out better women though), and am aware that I am a complete moron for trying to pursue something (as you'll see below), but these girls really pull me in tight. I have a history of pursuing really nutso girls, that "wild" side they have just drives me crazy with passion.
Anyways, so I met this girl at my job a few weeks back. We hit it off instantly ("too good to be true" were the first words that rang in my head actually). She was sexy (Brazilian-American), funny, charismatic, smart (fluent in 3 languages), and had that wild/free side to her that drove me crazy (as well as all the other nutty women I've hit it off with in the past). However, I noticed, through her actions and various stories she would tell me, that she had a much darker side that she was covering up.
One thing that struck me instantly was that she had small tattoo's all over her forearms, which she was forced to cover up with sleeves at work.
The first real bad sign was though she told me was that she just had a kid 8 months ago and has a baby daddy. She is 21 (my age), and still lives with her parents, along with the new baby. Ok, so she's young with a kid, and still lives with her parents. Not the worst thing ever. Almost immediately though, after breaking the news to me about her kid, she started telling me about all these violent fights she gets into with other guys/girls (a few she got into while she was pregneant even). She even told me one fight she got into most recently was at a party where she kicked some guy in the face with her stilletto and split his face open.
It get's worse though. She then starts coming to work completely messed up on drugs and/or alcohol. She would arrive to work initially "sober" (or so it seemed), then on lunch break would go out and get completely trashed. She would come back to work completely inebriated, and at a job that required customer service no less. She would slur her words, and slip all over the place. She would, however, manage to avoid confrontation from management (by a complete act of God IMO).
We bonded tightly on this one particular day though, that gave me a lot of insight to her "issues". One this one day, apparently one of her friends had died of rat poisoning (suspected of being murdered). I was there to console her, and talk to her. I gave her a cute little gift, which she was thrilled about, and then we decided to take our lunch break together. She bought ME a beer, as well as herself, and we drank them together. She then started telling me about her life, putting on a strong "victim" role. She told me about her baby daddy, who is a 35 year old ex-felon who only calls her on the first of every month to collect money from her, and who also has children from 7 OTHER women. She then tells me how he beat her up just the other week, and recently hasnt returned her phone calls for 3 days after he went to a club. She then tells me how she still loves him though, and wants to change him because she's the youngest and sexiest of all the girls he's seeing. Ok, sure- I though.
She then tells me how broke she is, and how just had to pawn her earrings to pay for diapers for the baby. Also goes on about how she has no other friends at work, and how bored she gets outside of work being stuck caring for the baby by herself. She then confessed to me that she cuts herself also, and I saw, amongst her scattered tattoo's over her forearms, small scars incisions within her skin. I later on came to the conclusion that I think she used the small, random tattoo's on her arms to cover previous scars.
She also told me she has a prescription to Xanax (which is what she would come to work trashed on) for anxiety.
Despite the predicament she was in, she didn't seem to accept any responsibility for her actions herself, but I still felt bad, and offered words of sympathy. Later on back at work, she had an emotional breakdown and starts crying about her deceased friend. I hugged her tightly and let her cry into my chest. She ended up going home early that day. It was very sad, and I felt terrible for her.
As time went on, we took lunch breaks together a few more times, and talked more and more at work. She was really funny, laid back and VERY easy to talk to, especially for someone as good looking as she was. It was amazing. And I fealt we were connecting emotionally too. She was not afraid to talk to me about anything, and vice versa. We were really clicking. I could also tell that as time went on, she seemed to possibly develop feelings for me (despite her admitting her love for her babby daddy earlier on) outside of friendship, as, even though she would talk to me often, she was starting to stammer and fumble on words more often and showing signs of slight nervousness. Things were also getting somewhat sexual, and we held hands at one point (keep in mind, things took so long to advance because we only see each other once or twice per week, and that was about it). She told me once how she "would never forget about me".
Then there was one day where I was in a bad mood at work. I confess, I didn't really talk to anybody, including her. She seemed put off my quietness and seemed to take it somewhat personally. I was just not in a talkative mood, that was all. Things kinda got a little rocky after that for about a week. Well, after that week, that was the last I ever saw of her. She hasn't been at work for the past week and a half (despite her bad habits, this IS unusual). Just completely vanished- possibly quit (no story of her being fired that I know of). I had her number, but her phone broke a few days later (yes, it was true), so there's been no contact outside of work. She is gone.
It seems like what people describe as the "disappearing act", a common trait amongst people with personality disorders, particularly Borderline Personality Disorder, stemming from fear of abandonment issues. The dissapearing act, in addition to the other signs described above, seem to make the "diagnoses" of BPD a perfect fit.
I guess, obviously, it's best that things happen this way. That is a TON of baggage, no doubt. However, what I would like to know, from a dating/relationship/friendship sort of perspective, is if you all think I was dealing with a person who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder? If so, do any of you have similar experiences? Is there any person you know with BPD who could fit the description given above? Just give me your experiences on various relationships with people with BPD. I'd be very interested to hear. I very well think I could have been dealing with a girl who has BPD.
Thanks for reading, and sorry for the long length.
You are sooo lucky. I don't think you need to worry about diagnosing her. Try and figure out what the deal is with you that you were attracted to this madness.
Believe me when I say this has worked out for the best for you. I used to be friends with a borderline and the drama was non-stop. He could be loads of fun but the relationship was very superficial and one sided. Only when we drifted apart did I realize I was the one that did all the giving and he just took and took. He was a nice guy but I'm glad I'm no longer in his vortex.
BBB, you have a lot going on right now - glad you're taking a cat nap!
A few quick suggestions: It sounds as if your mind is going 100 miles an hour. Think about what you can do to slow it down and put the brakes on so you can speak and act after thinking, instead of spontaneously blurting out whatever's on your mind or doing things you'll later regret, even though you (perhaps later??) realize it's not in your best interest, may lead to complications, and may distance you from your family members and friends.
Then see if you can get in to see your doctor, right away. As in this week, asap. You may need some meds to help you slow down, and that may need to be done with medical supervision.
I have no idea if you're borderline or bipolar or have some other issue - but it does appear that your thoughts are jumping from one thing to another with very little connection, that you're feeling victimized, and that others are having a hard time dealing with you just now and that you're also having lots of difficulties and conflicts with them.
So - slow down. Cut out all alcohol and caffeine and any illegal drugs, if you should be using any, start eating nutritiously and regularly, make yourself go to bed and get up at the same time everyday, realize that what you're experiencing right now isn't normal or constructive, though it may be very stimulating to have all those thoughts and all that apparent energy. See if you can burn off some of that energy by walking in a safe area - be careful crossing streets and do your walking during daylight hours.
But really, the first thing to do is to do your best to see your doctor.
I couldn't finish reading this post. I can't get past that there are men (or women) that would even want to get involved with someone as described. Bad news, don't get involved, you are asking for trouble. Sorry if my opinion is in the minority.
Since she was getting into physical fights with people, including this baby daddy has anyone checked to see if she is still alive? He may have her body stashed somewhere and no one has bothered to look for her. Just a thought.
Now, onto your questions about her mental health. Obviously she was self-sabotaging. There could be a myriad of reasons why, upbringing, personality, and/or chemical imbalance. It would be up to her to go to a physician and get a diagnosis. It certainly isn't something that a message board could tell you.
I'm not expecting an official psychologist diagnosis here, but maybe someone who has dealt with BPD's (a Borderline Personality Disorder person), in or out of relationships, could possibly shine some light on what has happened with me and this girl I met a few weeks back.
First off, I take 100% credit for the confusion and frusturation I have regarding this girl. I have no idea why, but I'm really attracted to crazy women for whatever reason (I'm trying to work on seeking out better women though), and am aware that I am a complete moron for trying to pursue something (as you'll see below), but these girls really pull me in tight. I have a history of pursuing really nutso girls, that "wild" side they have just drives me crazy with passion.
Anyways, so I met this girl at my job a few weeks back. We hit it off instantly ("too good to be true" were the first words that rang in my head actually). She was sexy (Brazilian-American), funny, charismatic, smart (fluent in 3 languages), and had that wild/free side to her that drove me crazy (as well as all the other nutty women I've hit it off with in the past). However, I noticed, through her actions and various stories she would tell me, that she had a much darker side that she was covering up.
One thing that struck me instantly was that she had small tattoo's all over her forearms, which she was forced to cover up with sleeves at work.
The first real bad sign was though she told me was that she just had a kid 8 months ago and has a baby daddy. She is 21 (my age), and still lives with her parents, along with the new baby. Ok, so she's young with a kid, and still lives with her parents. Not the worst thing ever. Almost immediately though, after breaking the news to me about her kid, she started telling me about all these violent fights she gets into with other guys/girls (a few she got into while she was pregneant even). She even told me one fight she got into most recently was at a party where she kicked some guy in the face with her stilletto and split his face open.
It get's worse though. She then starts coming to work completely messed up on drugs and/or alcohol. She would arrive to work initially "sober" (or so it seemed), then on lunch break would go out and get completely trashed. She would come back to work completely inebriated, and at a job that required customer service no less. She would slur her words, and slip all over the place. She would, however, manage to avoid confrontation from management (by a complete act of God IMO).
We bonded tightly on this one particular day though, that gave me a lot of insight to her "issues". One this one day, apparently one of her friends had died of rat poisoning (suspected of being murdered). I was there to console her, and talk to her. I gave her a cute little gift, which she was thrilled about, and then we decided to take our lunch break together. She bought ME a beer, as well as herself, and we drank them together. She then started telling me about her life, putting on a strong "victim" role. She told me about her baby daddy, who is a 35 year old ex-felon who only calls her on the first of every month to collect money from her, and who also has children from 7 OTHER women. She then tells me how he beat her up just the other week, and recently hasnt returned her phone calls for 3 days after he went to a club. She then tells me how she still loves him though, and wants to change him because she's the youngest and sexiest of all the girls he's seeing. Ok, sure- I though.
She then tells me how broke she is, and how just had to pawn her earrings to pay for diapers for the baby. Also goes on about how she has no other friends at work, and how bored she gets outside of work being stuck caring for the baby by herself. She then confessed to me that she cuts herself also, and I saw, amongst her scattered tattoo's over her forearms, small scars incisions within her skin. I later on came to the conclusion that I think she used the small, random tattoo's on her arms to cover previous scars.
She also told me she has a prescription to Xanax (which is what she would come to work trashed on) for anxiety.
Despite the predicament she was in, she didn't seem to accept any responsibility for her actions herself, but I still felt bad, and offered words of sympathy. Later on back at work, she had an emotional breakdown and starts crying about her deceased friend. I hugged her tightly and let her cry into my chest. She ended up going home early that day. It was very sad, and I felt terrible for her.
As time went on, we took lunch breaks together a few more times, and talked more and more at work. She was really funny, laid back and VERY easy to talk to, especially for someone as good looking as she was. It was amazing. And I fealt we were connecting emotionally too. She was not afraid to talk to me about anything, and vice versa. We were really clicking. I could also tell that as time went on, she seemed to possibly develop feelings for me (despite her admitting her love for her babby daddy earlier on) outside of friendship, as, even though she would talk to me often, she was starting to stammer and fumble on words more often and showing signs of slight nervousness. Things were also getting somewhat sexual, and we held hands at one point (keep in mind, things took so long to advance because we only see each other once or twice per week, and that was about it). She told me once how she "would never forget about me".
Then there was one day where I was in a bad mood at work. I confess, I didn't really talk to anybody, including her. She seemed put off my quietness and seemed to take it somewhat personally. I was just not in a talkative mood, that was all. Things kinda got a little rocky after that for about a week. Well, after that week, that was the last I ever saw of her. She hasn't been at work for the past week and a half (despite her bad habits, this IS unusual). Just completely vanished- possibly quit (no story of her being fired that I know of). I had her number, but her phone broke a few days later (yes, it was true), so there's been no contact outside of work. She is gone.
It seems like what people describe as the "disappearing act", a common trait amongst people with personality disorders, particularly Borderline Personality Disorder, stemming from fear of abandonment issues. The dissapearing act, in addition to the other signs described above, seem to make the "diagnoses" of BPD a perfect fit.
I guess, obviously, it's best that things happen this way. That is a TON of baggage, no doubt. However, what I would like to know, from a dating/relationship/friendship sort of perspective, is if you all think I was dealing with a person who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder? If so, do any of you have similar experiences? Is there any person you know with BPD who could fit the description given above? Just give me your experiences on various relationships with people with BPD. I'd be very interested to hear. I very well think I could have been dealing with a girl who has BPD.
Thanks for reading, and sorry for the long length.
I think you were dealing with someone with every personality disorder known to man. And some.
...and was doing so ten years ago. (Thread is from 2011.)
Yar, an old thread. However: the train wreck behaviors are timeless, could have been written yesterday or thirty years from yesterday. Shall we (not) count the ways: excessive tattoos, violence, out of wedlock kids, etc. Some guys do like "exciting" women like that, I did until my 30s when I finally ran into one who was next-level disturbed. Something about that thrill seeking, though... I dodged an RPG on that one, hope OP did too ten years ago.
Parting thought: I wasn't qualified to deal with serious emotional problems and don't feel comfortable diagnosing BPD or bi-polar. Watched a woman I was dating who had many of the symptoms described by the OP work herself into quite the state one night, must have been about eleven years ago. That was the night I knew best to walk off, so I did.
I think this thread is cautionary for guys: "wild" is amusing, but usually carries some serious issues along-with. Be cautious.
I couldn't finish reading this post. I can't get past that there are men (or women) that would even want to get involved with someone as described. Bad news, don't get involved, you are asking for trouble. Sorry if my opinion is in the minority.
Been there done that with a woman from AA, they are usually very attractive and like needy and all that dude stuff inside says protect and help and we can fix this and take care. Starts great and then I kept getting stuck in these no win situations no matter what I did I was the bad guy.
All the red flags- I dont like other girls... All my friends are guys... My past boyfriends were all abusive... I ignored them.
My question is do we just notice the attractive ones or does being very attractive cause the condition cause it seems like its a hot girl disease.
Maybe its like a bad feedback loop where fear of abandonment creates behavior that makes it come true proving no one can be trusted. She did that thing of getting out of the car at red light all angry and I was supposed to give chase and apologize for existing but I just went home and that was last day.
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