I am so sick of people hurting me and treating me like poo! (depression, pill)

[mistygrl092]

This is a vent/rant, but I'd like to also hear from you to see if you've had the same experiences or feelings. I deal with a lot of depression and every single time I make some headway SOMEONE or SOMETHING happens that sets me back for days. I never move forward because it seems like humans are capable of really being creepy. Now, I know there is a human behind each keyboard, but for some reason I've grown a thick skin and let nasty comments (usually) just roll off my back.

Either I have bad luck, choose the wrong people for friends, am too sensitive, or expect too much. I am not going to get into the gory details or I could go on and on, but just today my soon to be 90 year old mother told me NOT to come and visit her because I am not friends with my brother who lives there in the same city. I'm 2000 miles away, she'll be 90 in September, she could go at any time, yet she values my brother's feelings more than a visit from me! Heaven forbid she actually just tells people, "my daughter is coming to visit me and I'd like some alone time with her." Problem solved! When I stop to think about things, the next time I see her could be at her own funeral! What kind of mother does this?! So I usually keep things to myself, but then told her I just won't have my feelings trampled on anymore and that maybe we should not talk so much. Oh, and then I was concerned about some statement she made about dying and wanting to die so called my one brother I THOUGHT I was on speaking terms with to let him know. Do you think he even took the time to call me? Of course not!

Anyway, at times I wonder if these things don't get to me more because of my depression, but then I step back and say "no, it is not okay to steal from me!, no, it is not okay to lie and cheat and use me!, no, it is not okay to minimize big and important stuff in my life even if it isn't important to them!

I am tired of being everyone's second thought and doormat, and that is how I feel. Can anyone relate? How do you deal with people who let you down over and over and it seems always to be same person, different person = letdown. I'm ready to just move to some isolated place where I never have to see another human again!

And then there are the moments I realize no one really gives two hoots about me anyway and I think about all the sleeping pills and benzos in my cupboard. Then I think of all the work that I'd have to go through to get to that point (give pets away, do will, clean house) and that is what stops me in my tracks. I just don't know.

[stepka]

Ugh, I'm right there with ya sis. Just kicked out my international student who threw me under the bus so she could go home earlier. Don't worry--she has a place to stay and a ride to the airport tomorrow and if I never hear from the manipulative little you-know-what again I won't be sorry. Seems like there's been a lot of that lately, and I just got back from my camp, which usually fills me up with good feelings. Do you have a group that you can go to sometimes to feel good with? I hope you can find one--they are lifesavers. These guys are from a church camp I go to every year.

[Bandon]

I feel your pain MistyGirl.

I too am considered the blacksheep or loser of the family while my brother has always been considered the golden child, especially after he married a rich chick. He's arrived !!!!!

I too am extra-sensitive and have always had people telling me that I needed to grow a thick skin and not let the slights/betrayals of others bother me. But you know what ? At 47, I've finally decided that it's ok to be emo and not be ashamed of it. It is what we are.

In fact, I consider that those who are not, who have spent their lives pushing aside feelings are the ones who will have the heart attacks and end up as unfeeling callous robots. Hey, let 'em roll that way and you just go on being yourself and you will find that those who stick by you are the real ones who accept you for who you are.

I don't like to talk about this very often because so many don't understand and I only tell you here because I hope it may help. I lost my son to luekemia a while ago and while on the surface I appear ok..there are days where my normal emo-ness becomes flat out emo-meltdown because that is how it is when one loses a child.

One of my ex-coworkers actually told me that I would have a hard time keeping a job in a kitchen (I'm a newly graduated aspiring chef) because I've, as she put it "cried 4-5 times now" (in a period of 2 months, which isn't so bad for me actually).

I was appalled at her callousness when I had previously thought of her as a good person and haven't spoken to her since my externship at that restaurant ended. I felt betrayed and was once again reminded that most people suck. When you lose someone that tears a huge hole in your heart that is never completely healed and I thought she had understood that.

Today I tend to only talk to people who I am sure will be supportive and not urge me to "get over it" because it will make them more comfortable.

Ok...I'm sorry I've gone on probably too much, but I wanted you to understand that you are not the only person out there that is a real human being with feelings. It's just that so many people either deny them, or mask them and they appear almost as robots to the extra-sensitive person.

You and I canNOT nor SHOULD NOT try to change this, especially to fit in with the rest of nonfeeling society. You too need to develop the attitude that "this is who I am, to hold back my sensitivity is to deny who I am". And if others don't like it well..too freaking bad. Again, it's a way of finding who is truly worthy of your love/friendship. Those who aren't will fall by the wayside.

I read somewhere that at the end of ones life we will be able to count the number of true friends on one hand. I am finding that to be true.

Best of wishes to you and lots of hugs to another hurting human out there ((((MistyGirl)))

~Bandon

[mypostingid]

I know what you mean. I live about 1600 miles from my mother and it sometimes still doesn't seem far enough. My brother who is a deadbeat father, was abusive to my mother and his ex wife can do no wrong but if I am not a$$ kissing my mother she tries the guilt crap on me. Latest was a posting on facebook and it not only embarassed me but hurt me yet again. Before I moved, my husband and I planned a gathering to see everyone before we left because we may or may not ever go back, who knows. My mother had 2 weeks notice and said she'd be there. A couple days before the event she lied and said she had to work. She was at home most of the day and there never was any work that day because I do know people who work there. Since I moved she tries the guilt, shes sent me an I miss you card, she's told me on the computer how much she misses me being there. I'm done with it and I don't feel anything any more. The last holiday we actually spent together she told my family (husband and kids) stories of how she only had to ask me if I thought I deserved whatever it was I might have asked for as a kid and how that kept me in check. Sure it did, I stopped asking her for anything. Whatever I'm glad she's so proud of making me feel like crap.

You aren't alone. I'm sorry and I hope one day things will get better for you. The only person we can control is ourselves so I try my best to just deal with my own feelings but it isn't easy and it still hurts.

[quosi moto]

I understand too. Ur not alone. stay strong because I think reasonable people are few and far in between. One day it will work out and not have to worry about the dramatics of verbally, physically, and the alpha mentality. This is exactly why I keep my distance from people. Negativity. Notice the websites we go to post the internet is negativity. People breed it and breathe it. be well.....

[midsummer]

So sorry about the horrible lack of appreciation people (who are supposed to be closest to you) extend to you. You certainly don't strike me as overly sensitive, considering the disregard you have been dealing with.

I wonder if it would make you feel any better if you started to confront people who mistreat you. For example, you could tell your mother that it really hurt you tremendously when she did not want your company at her birthday. You could tell her that it made you feel like she does not love/appreciate you.

I used to bottle up feelings when I was younger. Now, at 47, I confront people who hurt me directly. (For example, I'd let a friend know that a certain comment she made upset me). Found this to be very successful in my life, and as a bonus, many of my friends respect me more because of my direct way of confronting them.

Again, you do not deserve to be treated this way! Best wishes,

M.

[Pinkiilostgirl]

I’ve asked myself literally at least five times today why do people keep hurting me, and that I’m tired of being around people that are hurting me and I’m tired of being hurt. ... are we all unlucky, or are we just a bunch of narcissists playing main character? Should I be my own winner or am I gaslighting myself? ... at this point, I wanna just be evil.

[Seija]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

How do you deal with people who let you down over and over and it seems always to be same person, different person = letdown.

I don't. When someone has shown me who they are and their actions hurt me, I do not continue to give them opportunities to hurt me again. While I forgive mistakes, when there is a pattern of behavior that is unstable, unreliable, abusive, neglectful, disrespectful, harmful, or hurtful to me, I create distance from the person. If I need to sever ties with them, I do it. That includes family. Once you are an adult, you have the freedom to create a life for yourself that brings you joy, and that includes surrounding yourself with people who love and care about you and act like it.

Certainly, it is tough to sever ties with people in one's family, especially one's parents and siblings. But if you are not living in the same house as them, you need only to see them less and communicate with them less.

It sounds hokey, but we do teach others how to treat us. If you let people harm you, they will continue to do so because they know you do not have the boundaries and the backbone to stand up to them. Understand that it is not your fault when people mistreat you. Someone else's bad behavior is their responsibility. But you can and should put a stop to it. It's our responsibility to see to our own well-being that way.

I won't blow sunshine. It's very hard to set boundaries when you're not used to having them. No one likes having to be put in a position where they have to defend themselves. It was angering for me, for sure, to feel like, "Hey, you are my FAMILY. You are supposed to be on my side, not giving me all of this grief." I still get annoyed sometimes when I have to set and enforce boundaries with various people in my life I cannot get away from, like people I work with.

But I can promise you this: The first time you set a boundary and stick to it, you will feel a little surge of empowerment. That will give you the confidence to continue to stick with it. Each time someone challenges that boundary and you keep it, you will feel stronger and better about yourself. It's an upward spiral.

If you're not in counseling, I suggest that you get into therapy as soon as possible. It can help you learn how to set boundaries and defend them firmly and assertively, and how to let those boundaries sit with other people without arguing or escalating conflict. If your mother is 90 years old, she'll be gone sooner rather than later, and therapy with a good counselor would probably be very helpful to you in coming to terms with her treatment of you and learn how to forgive her before then, so you are not left with any lingering anger, resentment, or even guilt for being angry at her even though you have every right to be angry with anyone who hurts you.

Please understand that forgiving someone is not the same as letting them continue to hurt you. It's really about letting go of the past hurts so you can get on with your own life. Oddly enough, good boundaries will help with that, too.

[Blondebaerde]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

This is a vent/rant, but I'd like to also hear from you to see if you've had the same experiences or feelings. I deal with a lot of depression and every single time I make some headway SOMEONE or SOMETHING happens that sets me back for days. I never move forward because it seems like humans are capable of really being creepy. Now, I know there is a human behind each keyboard, but for some reason I've grown a thick skin and let nasty comments (usually) just roll off my back.

...Stop.

Snipped the rest, didn't read one iota further. Lot of (that) going around, the behavior I mean.

Okay, you're a woman and I'm a man. Vastly different way of perceiving the world, values, etc. despite what the psycho media seems to indicate. But there it is. Couple helpful tips, if that is what is sought. If not, well: worth exactly what was paid for them:

1) Pare back the social media to a major extent. I see the drama that starts up on some of those diseased platforms. I find myself on one of them a bit too much...and watched a predictable trainwreck today that illustrated the point it was time to detach. And detach I did, though I'll check back in some days or weeks from now as the subject is still of-interest. The people, meh.

Try six months away...might do you good. I detached from one for years at a time, though I notice they all become more ubiquitous to business and our social lives over time so that's harder than ever.

2) Turn off news. As in, all of it. I haven't watched any since c. October last year, it was making me ill. I hear a little, we have no choice. I don't pursue it, and turn off all such sources. Completely.

3) Surround yourself with winners, not losers. We're the average of our five closest confidants. I change out friends periodically, w/o too much fuss. I don't care what they think, who they complain to, etc. Social pressure means nothing to a strong will.

4) Being locked down regresses human behavior to some sort of evil race to the bottom. I'm spending bulk of my time on self-improvement vs. self-destruction past 13 months in-particular, for various reasons. I'm a sinner too and felt bottomed out last summer, so took steps.

Lot of good books out there. My Kindle has seen plenty of use past year or so. Lot of online courses for free, too.

Good luck with all that. Validation via social media is a sucker's game.

[Eeko156]

You are not alone. People are not inherently good. They are inherently bad. It is our nature and how we evolved to the top of the food chain. If you are more sensitive and/or prone to depression like you are, you will feel their "nature" more and it will hurt you more.