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I have a pretty interesting story. I'll try to make it as short as possible. I've been bullied physically and verbally by someone in high school. I was a very shy and unreactive kid. I was also diagnosed with a rare disease in that period, it was a very rough period.
However, I've managed to get over everything and I'm feeling extremely happy with my life. What's funny is the fact that karma did its job. That guy made fun of me when I've failed the driving test. Guess what? I've found out that he's lost his driving license because he was caught drunk. Also, he has problems with police. He was sentenced to 1 year in jail, luckily for him that sentence was replaced with a couple years of probation.
I'm not going to lie to you, I'm VERY GLAD that this happened to him, maybe he has the chance to change as a person by facing these rough times, but something inside me says that I have to give him a message to make him understand that what he's done to me was completely wrong.
I'm really overthinking this thing because I know how much of a ****head that guy was and probably still is, to be honest, I don't know if he'll ever change. Most likely there's a little part that I haven't got over and that's why I want to message him, but like I said, I don't know how would he react to this. Certainly, it would be a huge surprise for him.
So yeah, what do you guys think? Is a message worth it at this point or not?
Last year, I've seen him in a supermarket, all alone by himself. I was very confident and very respectful, he asked me how's life and I've told him that my life is great. Like I said, I didn't feel scared, I was confident and straightforward. That was the conversation. I've felt how vulnerable he is when he's alone, because the bullying was usually accompanied and supported by some 'spectators'. I didn't hear any of his ****ty jokes anymore and it shows me how all these high school bullies are a bunch of dogs who are confident only in their their comfort zone. They're literally some lost dogs out of school.
Looking forward to hear your opinion on this subject! Thanks.
I have a pretty interesting story. I'll try to make it as short as possible. I've been bullied physically and verbally by someone in high school. I was a very shy and unreactive kid. I was also diagnosed with a rare disease in that period, it was a very rough period.
However, I've managed to get over everything and I'm feeling extremely happy with my life. What's funny is the fact that karma did its job. That guy made fun of me when I've failed the driving test. Guess what? I've found out that he's lost his driving license because he was caught drunk. Also, he has problems with police. He was sentenced to 1 year in jail, luckily for him that sentence was replaced with a couple years of probation.
I'm not going to lie to you, I'm VERY GLAD that this happened to him, maybe he has the chance to change as a person by facing these rough times, but something inside me says that I have to give him a message to make him understand that what he's done to me was completely wrong.
I'm really overthinking this thing because I know how much of a ****head that guy was and probably still is, to be honest, I don't know if he'll ever change. Most likely there's a little part that I haven't got over and that's why I want to message him, but like I said, I don't know how would he react to this. Certainly, it would be a huge surprise for him.
So yeah, what do you guys think? Is a message worth it at this point or not?
Last year, I've seen him in a supermarket, all alone by himself. I was very confident and very respectful, he asked me how's life and I've told him that my life is great. Like I said, I didn't feel scared, I was confident and straightforward. That was the conversation. I've felt how vulnerable he is when he's alone, because the bullying was usually accompanied and supported by some 'spectators'. I didn't hear any of his ****ty jokes anymore and it shows me how all these high school bullies are a bunch of dogs who are confident only in their their comfort zone. They're literally some lost dogs out of school.
Looking forward to hear your opinion on this subject! Thanks.
I don't see the point of messaging him. If he's still a ****head anything you say won't make a dent. So, its wasted effort. He knows he was wrong. You don't need to tell him. If he has grown out of being a ****head and has realized how much of a bully he was, he may have acquired some humanity, regrets and remorse. Your self-serving little message won't do anything constructive. What really is your goal in reconnecting? To indulge yourself? If what you want is to shame or humiliate him (now that you are so happy and self-assured) or gloat over his vulnerability and misfortunes, you're no better than he used to be. You sound spiteful and you just lowered yourself to his level. Not a good look OP.
IMHO, what you need to do is get past your past once and for all, not dredge it all up again and wallow in it. Countless people were bullied in school and survived it, You were, I was, most of the people I know were bullied at some point. Hopefully most of us became more compassionate because of it. It isn't possible to forget what happened, but it is possible to lay it to rest. What makes the difference between perpetual victims and survivors is the ability to recognize what you cannot change and put it to a different use. It happened. You rose above it and used some of that to become a stronger person. So, I ask you...what on earth did you learn? How to lay a guilt trip on someone who can't go back and change the past either?
Last edited by Parnassia; 08-20-2021 at 01:47 AM..
I have a pretty interesting story. I'll try to make it as short as possible. I've been bullied physically and verbally by someone in high school. I was a very shy and unreactive kid. I was also diagnosed with a rare disease in that period, it was a very rough period.
However, I've managed to get over everything and I'm feeling extremely happy with my life. What's funny is the fact that karma did its job. That guy made fun of me when I've failed the driving test. Guess what? I've found out that he's lost his driving license because he was caught drunk. Also, he has problems with police. He was sentenced to 1 year in jail, luckily for him that sentence was replaced with a couple years of probation.
I'm not going to lie to you, I'm VERY GLAD that this happened to him, maybe he has the chance to change as a person by facing these rough times, but something inside me says that I have to give him a message to make him understand that what he's done to me was completely wrong.
I'm really overthinking this thing because I know how much of a ****head that guy was and probably still is, to be honest, I don't know if he'll ever change. Most likely there's a little part that I haven't got over and that's why I want to message him, but like I said, I don't know how would he react to this. Certainly, it would be a huge surprise for him.
So yeah, what do you guys think? Is a message worth it at this point or not?
Last year, I've seen him in a supermarket, all alone by himself. I was very confident and very respectful, he asked me how's life and I've told him that my life is great. Like I said, I didn't feel scared, I was confident and straightforward. That was the conversation. I've felt how vulnerable he is when he's alone, because the bullying was usually accompanied and supported by some 'spectators'. I didn't hear any of his ****ty jokes anymore and it shows me how all these high school bullies are a bunch of dogs who are confident only in their their comfort zone. They're literally some lost dogs out of school.
Looking forward to hear your opinion on this subject! Thanks.
Don’t gloat.
You may owe him for the gift of resilience you obtained.
You have persevered and you are happy.
Sending him a message shows that he is still important in your life and your well-being
Time to let it go. Don’t be petty.
I would explore the gladness you feel regarding another human being’s misfortunes - no matter how vile they are- after you know what it feels like.
Messaging him would mean he's still affecting you and controlling your actions, and giving him the compliment of letting him know how successful he was in hurting you. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction.
While I understand your schadenfreude, I wouldn't indulge in it that much. The more liberating thing is to let go of the resentment you still apparently harbor toward him and forgive him, if only in your head and if only for your own inner peace.
I don't see the point of messaging him. If he's still a ****head anything you say won't make a dent. So, its wasted effort. He knows he was wrong. You don't need to tell him. If he has grown out of being a ****head and has realized how much of a bully he was, he may have acquired some humanity, regrets and remorse. Your self-serving little message won't do anything constructive. What really is your goal in reconnecting? To indulge yourself? If what you want is to shame or humiliate him (now that you are so happy and self-assured) or gloat over his vulnerability and misfortunes, you're no better than he used to be. You sound spiteful and you just lowered yourself to his level. Not a good look OP.
IMHO, what you need to do is get past your past once and for all, not dredge it all up again and wallow in it. Countless people were bullied in school and survived it, You were, I was, most of the people I know were bullied at some point. Hopefully most of us became more compassionate because of it. It isn't possible to forget what happened, but it is possible to lay it to rest. What makes the difference between perpetual victims and survivors is the ability to recognize what you cannot change and put it to a different use. It happened. You rose above it and used some of that to become a stronger person. So, I ask you...what on earth did you learn? How to lay a guilt trip on someone who can't go back and change the past either?
I forgot to mention the most important part, sorry about that. He's currently working in the city centre and the chance of meeting each other is very high.
You've asked me what's my goal in reconnecting, well, everytime I'm about to cross that area I get pretty anxious on whether I should be nice to him and say hi or just be totally ignorant and cold. However, I was always nice, it's just in my character. Nope, I'm not trying to humiliate him or something, quite the opposite, I want to be cool with him, but I guess I took it too seriously.
I understand you. I have to admit I was pretty spiteful in the first post and I will have to let it go and continue to be nice and take that bullying as an opportunity to grow.
Also, you've asked me what did I learn. Well, I think I've learnt a couple of things despite being quite spiteful, I've learnt how to accept the fact that I was bullied and to tell people about it (this post). Some time ago, I couldn't even recognize the fact that I was getting bullied to anyone, it was really hard.
I have to thank you a lot for posting this reply, I appreciate it.
Interesting about your bully. Every school has a couple of these guy, in every grade! We actually became related to one of our bullies! You should have seen that first meeting when our relative was dating and married his brother. Our bully was totally oblivious to the trauma he caused and yakked it up with us saying “good to see you again” and so on. Our bullies best friend, who was the top bully, was also so happy to see us. Quite unnerving. And now we are related! Turns out he settled down, married a really nice girl, had a nice family. He was really nice, interesting, caring. Couldn’t believe it. We never became chums, our choice. And now our relative finally divorced his brother. Just weird.
Yeah take the high road. Good job.
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Thanks.
