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Actually we have not had the opportunity to be intimate since I learned about the Valcyclovir, but yeah, I told him we would be using condoms moving forward. he has had no comment thus far. he is generally a man of few words!
I really don't know where this is going now...............
You already know where this is going, DEAD END. He was NOT upfront about having herpes before he raw dogged it; never mind all the other issues and yet you are the one afraid to ask him about it. Doesn't bode well for a healthy relationship imo. Surely you can't be this desperate.
Oh-Eve asked for an update so here it is....things are in a strange limbo with us. I'm still sorta seeing him. He is super quiet. Doesn't talk much, which I attribute to the depression. I'm pretty quiet also, which I also attribute to my depression, so i try to keep our dates short and sweet and involve some sort of activity. But I haven't seen much of him because he recently moved from his apartment to a house which meant he was really busy for a few weeks.
Honestly I thought he was ghosting me, since I saw so little of him. There isn't much to report. He seems to leave it to me to make plans, so I've just let things be. Haven't had sex since I discovered the herpes and told him we'd be switching to condoms but I don't know if that is because of the condoms or because I just haven't initiated anything. We have tentative plans for Wednesday evening, but I'm going camping this weekend and invited my daughter instead of him! Next weekend I'm going to the beach with my other daughter. They can at least hold up their end of the conversation. He also puts his daughter first so seems to think nothing of it.
I don't know what to tell you...but I recently reopened my profile on Match and discovered that his was open also, (I quickly blocked him) so I suspect that neither one of us wants to put a knife in this relationship and we'll just let it die a slow, quiet, unnatural death. Or fade into a friendship. Or whatever.
Oh-Eve asked for an update so here it is....things are in a strange limbo with us. I'm still sorta seeing him. He is super quiet. Doesn't talk much, which I attribute to the depression. I'm pretty quiet also, which I also attribute to my depression, so i try to keep our dates short and sweet and involve some sort of activity. But I haven't seen much of him because he recently moved from his apartment to a house which meant he was really busy for a few weeks.
Honestly I thought he was ghosting me, since I saw so little of him. There isn't much to report. He seems to leave it to me to make plans, so I've just let things be. Haven't had sex since I discovered the herpes and told him we'd be switching to condoms but I don't know if that is because of the condoms or because I just haven't initiated anything. We have tentative plans for Wednesday evening, but I'm going camping this weekend and invited my daughter instead of him! Next weekend I'm going to the beach with my other daughter. They can at least hold up their end of the conversation. He also puts his daughter first so seems to think nothing of it.
I don't know what to tell you...but I recently reopened my profile on Match and discovered that his was open also, (I quickly blocked him) so I suspect that neither one of us wants to put a knife in this relationship and we'll just let it die a slow, quiet, unnatural death. Or fade into a friendship. Or whatever.
Thank you for the update.
I am sorry. I think the herpes should be manageable with condoms. Maybe it is just herpes on the lips? The other stuff, him being weird. He is probably in a funky mood and doesn't want to see anyone.
Have you experienced different moods with him, like the ups and downs that come with his illness? Being up all night, talking a lot .... then falling into a deep hole ...
Was his profile ever closed or maybe he never did close it? I have dated men who thought if they delete the app from their phone, their profile goes away
With you being quiet and him being quiet - I was in a marriage like that - we bored each other to death. People like me (and you?) who don't talk a lot do better with bubbly people who are entertaining and who need an audience.
How do you feel about him? You do not sound enthusiastic anymore. If I was you, for the future, stay away from people with severe issues. Your love and attention will not cure them. I know this is the mental health forum where they will jump at me for saying this. But you already have a child, no need to take care of another one who will never grow up and whose butt you cannot smack if he acts out. Do yourself a favor and look for someone who appreciates your efforts and love.
I am sorry. I think the herpes should be manageable with condoms. Maybe it is just herpes on the lips? The other stuff, him being weird. He is probably in a funky mood and doesn't want to see anyone.
Have you experienced different moods with him, like the ups and downs that come with his illness? Being up all night, talking a lot .... then falling into a deep hole ...
Was his profile ever closed or maybe he never did close it? I have dated men who thought if they delete the app from their phone, their profile goes away
With you being quiet and him being quiet - I was in a marriage like that - we bored each other to death. People like me (and you?) who don't talk a lot do better with bubbly people who are entertaining and who need an audience.
How do you feel about him? You do not sound enthusiastic anymore. If I was you, for the future, stay away from people with severe issues. Your love and attention will not cure them. I know this is the mental health forum where they will jump at me for saying this. But you already have a child, no need to take care of another one who will never grow up and whose butt you cannot smack if he acts out. Do yourself a favor and look for someone who appreciates your efforts and love.
You may be right about him deleting the app on Match.
Nope, there has not been one single sign of a manic phase in the 2 months that I have known him. Only the quiet. I'm sticking with my theory that he is a Bioplar 2 OR has some other issue that is holding him down, such as Low vitamin D or Low T. I seriously doubt he is good at communicating with his doctor about his needs so is probably not getting the best of care possible. He did tell me that he takes meds for ADHD...3x per day, and wants to be put on extended release so he only has to take it once per day but has not taken steps towards that. Like many men, he doesn't take very good care of himself. He is getting ready to file for medical retirement due to back issues and he has dupuytrens-contracture as well.
He doesn't ASK to be taken care of...and I don't yet know how he'd respond to some gentle nagging but I'll find out. I just found him a new doctor for the dupuytrens and sent him the info, we'll see if he follows up (and I won't fret about it if he doesn't, just an experiment)
You may be right about him deleting the app on Match.
Nope, there has not been one single sign of a manic phase in the 2 months that I have known him. Only the quiet. I'm sticking with my theory that he is a Bioplar 2 OR has some other issue that is holding him down, such as Low vitamin D or Low T. I seriously doubt he is good at communicating with his doctor about his needs so is probably not getting the best of care possible. He did tell me that he takes meds for ADHD...3x per day, and wants to be put on extended release so he only has to take it once per day but has not taken steps towards that. Like many men, he doesn't take very good care of himself. He is getting ready to file for medical retirement due to back issues and he has dupuytrens-contracture as well.
He doesn't ASK to be taken care of...and I don't yet know how he'd respond to some gentle nagging but I'll find out. I just found him a new doctor for the dupuytrens and sent him the info, we'll see if he follows up (and I won't fret about it if he doesn't, just an experiment)
of course he does not ask to be taken care of. But you already took over - by finding him a new doctor and getting involved in trying to make him feel better and prognosing what he needs (low T, vitamins). Because it seems, he does not take care of himself. We as women, the nurturers, tend to turn into caretakers and nurses for "helpless" men.
3x/day ADHD medication is a bit much, no??? People I know who take it, they take it once a day.
And be very careful with telling him he is low on T. Men are very sensitive about that and in my experience, it takes years for them to acknowledge they should go on TRT.
I know plenty of women who complain about their men being low on T and the men do nothing about it. Some dragged them to the dr. who prescribed stuff and they never picked it up from the pharmacy or just forget to take it, despite the nagging, horny, desperate wife begging them to.
A lot of medication bipolar and/or depressed people take is bad for the libido, especially depression meds. Libido goes down, blood pressure goes up. Then they need meds for the high blood pressure. Medication for blood pressure also makes the libido go down even more. Viagra can be dangerous because it brings up the blood pressure even more. Yep, I know way more than I should know about that.
Sure. Sweet Fireman and I have fizzled out. We never did have sex again after I requested we use condoms and I suspect he was unwilling to try that. We went out again a few times but he was so quiet I could not find anything to talk to him about. I think if I needed a date for something I could call him and he'd be up for it. Ultimately I found him to be emotionally unavailable....not a surprise for someone struggling with depression. I feel bad for him, but I'm not interested in asserting myself into his life in order to 'help' him.
Sure. Sweet Fireman and I have fizzled out. We never did have sex again after I requested we use condoms and I suspect he was unwilling to try that. We went out again a few times but he was so quiet I could not find anything to talk to him about. I think if I needed a date for something I could call him and he'd be up for it. Ultimately I found him to be emotionally unavailable....not a surprise for someone struggling with depression. I feel bad for him, but I'm not interested in asserting myself into his life in order to 'help' him.
I am sorry. I hope you find someone better soon. He sounds like an idiot. Not disclosing herpes and not using condoms is an absolute deal breaker and a-hole move.
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