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Not sure if I will regret doing this but it is anonymous. So hopefully nobody I know will find this.
I feel consumed by the belief that I am not worth it. I wake up every day and I really do not like myself. Mainly in terms of my appearance, I struggle with my weight, and it makes me feel isolated and disgusting to people. I am not 400 pounds but I'm definitely overweight. I keep trying to lose weight by just not eating but it is really not sustainable. I feel exhausted, constantly have a headache, feel dizzy and get chest pains. I could go the slower route but it just feels like there is no end in sight. This is something I've struggled with my whole life and just wish I was skinny
I'm in my 20's and don't have any romantic experience, my friends always tell me to just go for it and I'll find someone but I can't, I don't want to put myself out there because I don't understand why anybody would ever be attracted to me and it makes me uncomfortable even trying. I just feel so disgusting in every way. And As a kid I never really had a lot of friends, I was teased a lot and nobody seemed to want to spend time with me. At that time I wasn't overweight but I was shy, and I guess I was sort of weird, I don't know, but I never fit in. I've never actually felt like anybody truly wants to be my friend, and all these years later the past still affects me, to an overwhelming extent. I keep thinking about all the times I've bene rejected, made fun of, the amount of times I've reached out to people to be friends and been snubbed.
I feel so alone, and so unlovable, and I don't want to tell anybody in my life how I really feel because it sounds whiny and like I am fishing for compliments. I have tried and and they all tell me to stop being stuck in the past and that adulthood is different. but it doesn't feel different. Deep inside I just want to feel important to people, and like others enjoy my company and want to be around me, I want to be attractive to people and to feel attractive within myself. But it all just feels so far away. I don't know what to do, maybe the key is losing weight. But I just feel extremely lost
Sorry to bother people thank you for reading, have a nice evening
Most people aren't important to anyone except their families. Try not to concern yourself with that. See about getting some mental health help and try joining a group for weight loss. A weight loss group would give you some support and help you lose weight sensibly. See a doctor about your exhaustion, chest pains, etc.
Okay, so you do have some friends now that you are a grown adult in your 20's. That means that some people in your life think that you are "worth it" to them, otherwise they wouldn't be your friends. So that's good.
I don't think this 'Non-Romantic Relationships forum" is the most suitable forum for your thread. Your topic is really more about your own personal issues alone so it may be more suited to the Health and Wellness forum https://www.city-data.com/forum/health-wellness/
Go check out all of the health and wellness sub-forums there and see what you think. If you think it's better there for addressing your multiple issues you could start a new thread there or ask the moderator to move this thread to there. I wish you good luck with resolving everything weighing you down.
The friends who suggest you "go for it" obviously feel you're worth something. If they didn't, they wouldn't offer you any advice at all. What you do or don't do wouldn't matter to them.
IME, when my self worth seems to be at a low ebb it's because I have forgotten everyone or everything else. My little world has contracted down to nothing but myself. The way I haul myself out of a never-ending bath of self recrimination and self pity is to make myself "worth" something to others...I make an effort by giving time, energy, concern, sympathy, money or whatever to a cause other than myself. Maybe at first it feels somewhat forced, but eventually it gets easier as interest, knowledge, achievements, skills increase. No one, not even my hypercritical self, can take those accomplishments away again. Doing this not only passes time, but also creates goals, creates colleagues, and interrupts the constant negative internal dialog I've gotten into the habit of reciting. Before I know it, someone ends up believing I am worth something. It's a type of worth that didn't exist before. What you try giving doesn't need to be grand, it just needs to happen. Try it, you may like it!
Last edited by Parnassia; 10-17-2022 at 03:10 PM..
There are plenty of overweight people out there who are happily married. I think you are hiding behind your weight, it is an excuse for you to feel unloved.
I suggest the following:
1. Take up some sport. It will activate endorphins. Even if it is just bowling. I practice MMA, half of the girls in my team are around 200-250lbs. It works. And it is fun.
2. Go out and just meet people without the goal of finding a bf. Apparently you have friends - take the opportunity and go out with them to have just fun.
3. Join some groups to meet people.
4. Have someone take pretty pictures of yourself. Ask a friend you trust, invite her over, pick out some outfits, make up your hair and face nicely and have pictures taken. You will be surprised on how good you can look in certain angles.
5. If you like animals, get a cat or a dog. They will love you.
6. Maybe join a weight watchers group or some other dieting group with people who also struggle with weight loss.
7. Take up a class or college or some sort of educational program. If you feel smart and/or have accomplished something, it will bring up your self esteem.
8. If you are handy, pick up a new hobby, like building stuff out of wood. Again, if you accomplish something, it makes you proud of yourself.
9. Put these pretty pictures on instagram. You will see, someone will like them.
Most people aren't important to anyone except their families. Try not to concern yourself with that. See about getting some mental health help and try joining a group for weight loss. A weight loss group would give you some support and help you lose weight sensibly. See a doctor about your exhaustion, chest pains, etc.
Thank you. Yes, I have heard about love only being offered by family and spouses / partners. That is not really how I view relationships, and I know I care deeply about my friends.joining a group for weight loss is a good idea the only thing is I am rather pressed for time, as I work full time at least 40 hours a week. Just wish I could lose all the weight I want to lose overnight, but I know that’s not plausible.
I think those symptoms mainly arise when I don’t eat but it’s probably a good idea to get it checked out anyway. Only thing is I live in the Uk and seeing a doctor in this country is no easy task
Okay, so you do have some friends now that you are a grown adult in your 20's. That means that some people in your life think that you are "worth it" to them, otherwise they wouldn't be your friends. So that's good.
I don't think this 'Non-Romantic Relationships forum" is the most suitable forum for your thread. Your topic is really more about your own personal issues alone so it may be more suited to the Health and Wellness forum https://www.city-data.com/forum/health-wellness/
Go check out all of the health and wellness sub-forums there and see what you think. If you think it's better there for addressing your multiple issues you could start a new thread there or ask the moderator to move this thread to there. I wish you good luck with resolving everything weighing you down.
.
Thank you for the kind words. Wasn’t sure if weighing me down was a pun
I have only one thing to add, which is a challenge for most people, I believe.
Refuse to think a negative thought. When we practice this, it trains the brain to go somewhere else; do something else. Thoughts are things. We were not taught that as children, but it is true. Thoughts greatly affect our mental and emotional state.
I'm not talking about letting off steam on here or elsewhere. I'm talking about in our personal lives when we're washing the dishes, walking the dog, driving somewhere, etc. The mundane moments.
Watching our thoughts and training our brain to go a different way. It's actually a science that's been studied. This can be done through CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) or for free using the techniques of Ernest Holmes: Affirmative Prayer/Spiritual Mind Treatment.
Most people aren't important to anyone except their families. Try not to concern yourself with that. See about getting some mental health help and try joining a group for weight loss. A weight loss group would give you some support and help you lose weight sensibly. See a doctor about your exhaustion, chest pains, etc.
I agree w/ the above. That's about the gist of it in a nutshell! Strangers out there don't care about others. We live in a pretty narcissistic society. (Look up that term if you've never heard of it.) We have to love ourselves, know we're valuable, know we're somebody, etc. of course without being arrogant about it.
We're each just as important as each other. No one's any better than us nor us of them. (But many think they're better than others.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by elliexv2000
Thank you. Yes, I have heard about love only being offered by family and spouses / partners. That is not really how I view relationships, and I know I care deeply about my friends.joining a group for weight loss is a good idea the only thing is I am rather pressed for time, as I work full time at least 40 hours a week. Just wish I could lose all the weight I want to lose overnight, but I know that’s not plausible.
I think those symptoms mainly arise when I don’t eat but it’s probably a good idea to get it checked out anyway. Only thing is I live in the Uk and seeing a doctor in this country is no easy task
It sounds like your parents/family didn't raise you to have self-worth & good self esteem. Did they even tell you they love you on any regular basis? If not or rarely, I'm really sorry.
Yes, get some kind of counseling to improve your mental & emotional health & see your dr to have a physical, blood test, maybe other tests so you can find out what kind of health you're in, then take it from there with needing a dietician, nutritionist, etc. to lose weight & feel better!
You're still only in your 20s...you've got your whole life ahead of you still. Way too young to just give up or sag out, or be tired already, etc.
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