Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm on my 3rd therapist in 3 years. My husband is a big believer in therapy; he felt like it helped him a lot in his past (before I even knew him). He frequently says if one therapist doesn't seem to be helping, then find another.
I've been dealing with a devastating, ongoing situation regarding one of my adult sons, so I decided to see a therapist about 3 years ago. I spent several weeks each with two different ones, but I didn't think it helped at all. Basically I talked, they listened, they asked questions.
I restarted with another therapist a couple months ago, and I vowed to stick with it for several months to make sure I wasn't quitting too soon. But again, I talk, he listens, he asks questions. It's no more helpful than talking with a friend. Perhaps the only positive is that he is a listening ear that I can pour my heart out to, which gives my husband a break from hearing me talk about this situation.
I'm having a hard time believing "If your therapist isn't helping, find another," since I've tried three now. My son (the one in the horrendous situation) has also tried three or four, and hasn't found them helpful.
What should I reasonably expect? How has a therapist helped you?
First are you getting regular exercise? For a devastating issue with one of your sons, it sounds like depression might be one of your issues, so this seems relevant.
Second have you found a support group for people who have family members dealing with the specific issue you are dealing with?
One of the advantages with talking to others who are similiarly situated is you can see what works, what doesn't but also who in your area has the best track record for treating people dealing with the issue you are dealing with. You can also figure out from self help groups who is having the most success managing there issues and you can talk with them to figure out why.
I'm on my 3rd therapist in 3 years. My husband is a big believer in therapy; he felt like it helped him a lot in his past (before I even knew him). He frequently says if one therapist doesn't seem to be helping, then find another.
I've been dealing with a devastating, ongoing situation regarding one of my adult sons, so I decided to see a therapist about 3 years ago. I spent several weeks each with two different ones, but I didn't think it helped at all. Basically I talked, they listened, they asked questions.
I restarted with another therapist a couple months ago, and I vowed to stick with it for several months to make sure I wasn't quitting too soon. But again, I talk, he listens, he asks questions. It's no more helpful than talking with a friend. Perhaps the only positive is that he is a listening ear that I can pour my heart out to, which gives my husband a break from hearing me talk about this situation.
I'm having a hard time believing "If your therapist isn't helping, find another," since I've tried three now. My son (the one in the horrendous situation) has also tried three or four, and hasn't found them helpful.
What should I reasonably expect? How has a therapist helped you?
You may just need Alanon. If it's a problem with your kids, no matter what it is, Alanon teaches boundaries that you put in place to not allow their problems to interfere with your peace and happiness. Therapy can help "you" in issues that you have, but not how to deal with problems associated with others. I would google it and find a meeting near you and go, it may be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.
I'm on my 3rd therapist in 3 years. My husband is a big believer in therapy; he felt like it helped him a lot in his past (before I even knew him). He frequently says if one therapist doesn't seem to be helping, then find another.
I've been dealing with a devastating, ongoing situation regarding one of my adult sons, so I decided to see a therapist about 3 years ago. I spent several weeks each with two different ones, but I didn't think it helped at all. Basically I talked, they listened, they asked questions.
Rule number 1,2 and 3 of talk therapy:
Decide what kind of help/feedback you want, tell them, and if you don't get any of it by the end of the first session find someone else and do it again. I found this out the hard way, during the worst days of my life when I was at the end of my rope and got nothing zero zilch from a couple of therapists. You need to tell them what you want first, and make sure they provide it.
You need to tell them what you want first, and make sure they provide it.
If you don't know, they probably don't either.
True! You can ask them on the phone, the first time, before you make the appointment. Before going there. Here in California most of them offer a 15 min free first phone session. And then you can go and see them in person if you think they are OK after this first conversation.
I said: "Hi, my name is X, I would like to work on x and y issues. I'm willing to pay for 5-6 sessions, so short term therapy. If I need a few more sessions, we'll see. I might pay for max of 8-10 in total. Can you help me with x and y?"
A good psychotherapist will help you feel better after each session. If this is not the case, then he/she is not a good one. You are wasting your time, and money.
If he/she says:" We'll need more time to know each-other, we don't know how long is going to take, you might not feel better, I'm not sure if I can help you feel better in 5 sessions etc", then you say:"Thank you" and call another one.
What I thought of is: Is this a situation that will resolve or is it a situation that will never resolve and you have to learn to live with it?
For me, I've faced 2-3 major issues and circumstances in my life that will never resolve. They will never change. The crucial thing is to learn to live with it as best one can, or even happily. Usually, it's simply to keep doing the best one can given the circumstances.
I'm also a firm believer in thoughts. Thoughts are things. Thoughts can and do affect outcomes. They can also effect outcomes. Sometimes I get so mired in pain that I forget that my thoughts can effect outcomes. Meaning, having a positive outlook or even just an even keel outlook can create a needed change whether in my mind or also in my circumstances.
Best wishes to you OP in finding peace in this situation.
Sounds so easy to an outsider. I am in a similiar situation with the OP. It is not always easy to step back...
When the person is a child, it doesn't matter what age, parents, particularly mothers, find it difficult if not impossible to extricate themselves from their child's mistakes and behavior.
Yes. I have seen therapists in my life at different times. They can't "fix" a loved one. They can't even fix you. What a good therapist can do, is teach you how to deal with people who are hurting you, either by their actions towards you, their behavior, or habits and activities that are disturbing you. They can teach you how to react in a way that will not lead to a huge argument, estrangement, or violence. They can teach you how to say the right things.
When the locus of the problem is another person, they will help you to maintain a relationship with them, without being dragged into their drama. They will also help you to work on yourself!
Therapy can be exciting and liberating. Every time I've needed a therapist, it took me at least 5 tries to find the right person. BUT - it is SO worth it.
Psychology Today has an online listing of therapists of all sorts that can help you to identify a therapist that is right for you. Some have free 15-minute sessions.
Sometimes it doesn't work right away, either. I've had situations where someone said something to me twenty years ago that popped back into my head and was an "Aha" moment later. That time wasn't wasted. I was open and paying attention and eventually I understood.
I believe that anything we are not prepared to absorb will fly right over our heads. It's not a judgement, it's just that we develop in stages and a therapist works best when they aren't too far from your problem.
I have to chuckle when people complain that therapists are people with problems because I think that's what makes them useful. They've been there. Who better to understand and empathize?
And that's one of the redeeming qualities of psychological exploration - insight and hopefully compassion.
The recommendation of group work is so very valuable. Groups can work miracles with each other with no professionals present given there are healthy group guidelines. Just acceptance and the deep understanding that you aren't alone can make a big difference.
With that said there are people for whom therapy is a waste of time and money.
Exactly, as you and others have talked about, you really have to be in the right mindset for therapy to work for you. Often on these forums you see people saying things like, "I went to one therapist one time, and they didn't immediately solve my problems, so therapy is stupid." Those people are never going to have a valuable experience with it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
