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22M here, will be 23 in a few weeks. I am autistic with ADHD, had a dysfunctional family growing up and still delaing with mixed feelings over dad's. death from COVID two years back. Still living with my mom, but want to apply to be a police officer in 1.5-2 years with an associates degree in business (will get a bachelor's in the long run) and some job stability.
What I dealt with growing up and how it held me back sucks. That said I know my only alternative is to improve and try to make the most out of it. I doubt myself at times but know I am not incapable of achieving these things. My autism is mild and doesn't impact me outside of being socially inexperienced(I talk to people ok) and I take meds for my ADHD which is definitely helping. I started therapy recently as well and am starting to go for a full glow up(fitness, grooming, etc). For a GF, I mainly want someone who has a good personality, us at least ok with my nerdy interests and is conventionally attractive(by no means needs to be a supermodel in looks). I had figured maybe I would be in a relationship by now, or at least have dated some. I really don't want to be someone who hasn't experienced romance till their late 20s to age 30.
In the past I felt angry hearing things like you can only be in a relationship if happy with yourself, seeing it as hypocritical and a gross oversimplification. I figured maybe I could try sometime next year after getting myself in order a bit but I have a friend of mine say I should prep to be single for a long time as someone with no dating experience in a phase of getting stuff together. Women apparently want a provider, not a dependent. I am not in the NEET category at all and in terms of the economy even my friends who have graduated moved back in with family.
I have overcome a lot of the comparison to others/keeping up with Joneses mindset I used to have but still lament being behind on my goals I genuinely want to achieve. I hope that within three years I would have my own place, a girlfriend or at least have started dating, and a bit of a social life(not a partier though). I like martial arts(started Kajukenbo and BJJ again) and might do a few tournaments if I stick with it. I also signed up for some Meetup groups(nerd stuff) and a friend of mine wants to do some hiking. I will be applying for another EMT job(weren't hiring for flexible schedules before) and with my ADHD under control doing better may help my confidence.
All that said I still have intrusive thoughts about my failures and question if things can get better. What can I do?
You're not a failure. Your age group was one of the last groups that got out of high school before Covid hit. It hit everyone hard especially you kids that were supposed to be going through your college years. I say don't be so hard on yourself. There are a lot of people having the same problems you are. Get out and go places where you can meet people. Don't force yourself into a relationship, but be open to meeting more people and enjoying yourself. You're still young. No need to rush into getting married. Enjoy these years. Owning a house is a goal, but also a lot of work. So is being married and if kids get added to the mix, it's even that much more work. Go out and find some stuff you love to do. It's ok to do nerdy stuff, some girls like that, but make sure it's not a guy only group. Maybe find a couple more new hobbies you like too.
Put yourself in a position to reach your goals and know it doesn't all happen when you want it to. You will find what you want if you keep working towards it. You may find that you reach these goals or you may find that you change your mind and want something else. Keep moving forward and make what you call your 'failures' learning opportunities.
I suspect every single human who ever walked the planet dealt with or still does deal with self doubt and wavering hopes OP! You certainly aren't unusual, nor are you alone.
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