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Aptor hours, Please research co dependency.You and anyone deserves better.Go to Al Anon.Its for people and families affected by the alcoholic.Please look them up and go to a meeting.
rickers, it sounds like you and your wife were both heavy drinkers, not alcoholics. When you develop alcoholism it's an extreme problem. It becomes more important than anything else in the world. I experienced about 5 years of alcoholism. During my final year I had to have vodka next to my bed so that I could have about 3 drinks upon waking up in the morning, just to stop the shaking so that I could fix myself some coffee and breakfast. It was pathetic. During that span of my otherwise fantastic life, I lost a house on 5 acres, a business worth about $250,000, many friends, and my will to live. I had decided that all I wanted to do was drink until I couldn't drink any more, then I would kill myself.
You're clearly not like me!!! Lucky for you. The story of how I came to be sober and to get my life back is too long for this thread, but it was pretty intense.
"Cricket factor" gave some good answers about how to detect alcoholism. But some people are very good at hiding it. For at least 3 years none of my friends could tell that I was drinking all the time. The main indicator in my case would have been my lifestyle. If anyone had observed my daily habits they'd realize that I spent lots of time alone and I would often carry mysterious packages into my home. Another thing is that I would have moods (after my booze and pain pills kicked in) where I'd feel really good and outgoing, so I'd chat loudly with my neighbors. They were all drinkers too so they didn't notice that i was kind of being obnoxious because they were the same way.
I think Tongpa-nyi answered the OP's question in the sentence I bolded above. When the drinking is more important than the family, than the job, than ANYTHING, it is a problem.
My father was one of those alcoholics that could hide it pretty well. When someone that used to just have a drink at lunch and/or dinner begins drinking all evening, or starts drinking soon after waking up, that isn't good. When a drinker hides a bottle in the car, his briefcase, or office drawer. When a person would rather drink than eat. When a person begins getting DUI's, smelling of liquor at times they should not, has bloodshot eyes, has the classic red puffy cheeks/nose.
Some people are functional alcoholics as well.
'Invisible addiction' and all that.
I think most people in the substance abuse field have shied away from the term 'Alcoholism' because it's so hard to define. At least that was my experience 6 or 7 years ago when I was involved with those types of people.
Anyways, something this life threatening and dangerous shouldn't be left up to an arm chair profesh'nal. And by that I mean me!
What makes you think a person has a drinking problem? What red flags do you look for?
You can look all you want, but they have to be the ones to admit that they have a problem. Most alcoholics hold their liquor fairly well. For starters, they could try to answer these 12 questions as honestly as they can: Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You?
If you're gonna use the A.A. definition, why not just look at the book itself? It was written the a group of alcoholics that found a way to get and stay sober and put it down in a book.
As far as identifying as an alcoholic, it took them 53 pages (Dr's Opinion, Bill's Story, There is a Solution, and More about Alcoholism) to answer two simple questions;
Can you control the amount of booze that you drink once you start?
Can you stay away from the first alcoholic drink on your own power?
I must add my two bits. There is a defintion of alcoholic and heavy drinkers in the hand book for alcoholics. It clearly states that their is a difference between heavy drinkers and alcoholics: the book states: "Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in love, a change of environment or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome... " This is not an alcoholic it is a heavy drinker which Ricker is. Lucky for you but do not underestimate the "Real" alcoholic is quite different and it is not a matter of will power that keeps him drinking - alcoholism is a disease that cannot be fought on will power! The book again: "But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or m ay not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Another problem with the alcoholic is there seems to be no way for them to ever safely ingest alcohol again once they cross the line. I find the analogy useful, that you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber.
The alcoholic, once they've crossed the line, will find that their problems really kick into high gear once they stop drinking booze. They have a hard time separating the truth from the false and they may even build a nice life for themselves, only to tear it down and they will always turn back to booze when the chips are down, when things are good, when it rains, when it droughts, etc.
For the true alcoholic, getting drunk isn't done according to a situation or a feeling/emotion. But, certain situations can affect the alcoholic's behavior.
I think that alcoholism may fit some sort of continuum from early stages to late stages, based on physiological factors, a person's mental health, the amount and frequency they drink/drank, perhaps genetics and race, perhaps what they drink to some extent, etc.
But it all boils down to control.
I don't think that frat party drinking or drinking to fight off depression or trama makes you an alcoholic. I think that either you were wired to be an alcoholic or you're not.
You could be a teetotaler and never drink, but would have this potential alcoholism looming if you should ever decide to start. You could be a non-alcoholic and drink yourself to death and not be an alcoholic. Hard drinkers get locked up and die from booze all the time.
Alcohol in and of itself is dangerous if not used carefully. I think alcohol is food for some people and should not be seen as dangerous if it can be properly controlled. Some people can just obviously handle their booze and lucky for them.
I think that only a very small amount of hard drinkers cross the line and become real alcoholics. Some of us alcoholics crossed the line before we knew it was ever there. I think I blew my ability to drink socially or moderately when I first got blacked-out passed-out drunk at the age of 10. I drank enough to get a horse drunk and I had my family worried. I didn't come to for 7 hours later and would set up a pattern that I could never break.
As far as the drama an alcoholic does while drunk, IDK. I think anybody that drinks too much booze will become very unpredictable and may hurt themselves/others very easily. It affects our judgement and our inhibitions. That's part of the fun of it, right?
I did not drink evey day because I had such bad bouts with booze that I wanted to quit for good and all. But a few days later, I'd totally forgotten the "humiliation and suffering of even a week ago." We seek it yet again.
This is the real problem with booze for the alcoholic. It's not the fact that we lose control of the amount once we start. But the mental obsession will have us back on it no matter what.
There's only two good reasons for a real alcoholic to put the booze down for good and all; to put off death or permanent incarceration/insanity. But that's still not enough.
"Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices." 90 meetings in 90 days. You'd think he'd quit for her sake...for the kids' sake. He has such a promising career. She is so smart and has such a nice family. If he drinks again he will be fired. If she drinks again the doctors say her liver/pancreas/heart will shut down. If if if if...
It's not about emotion. It's not about thought. The alcoholic has no problem thinking. If there really is a thing called a spirit or a soul, it becomes possible to consider that we achieve certain states of consciousness which the mind can never forget. In the case of the crack or meth addict, it's pretty easy to fathom that the user reaches a level of bliss almost instantaneously and they will risk death to get back there. Same thing with booze for the alky. They go to a level of bliss or about 600 and come crashing back down to the level of shame... or about 20 sometimes below the conscious energy of death (0) and maybe even negative... which is suicide. Then... they may build their state of consciousness back and have a hard time out in the real world obtaining all it has to offer... about 200. Below the 200 line is false, force... which takes, and does not much to give a person hope. Now, to go above 200 is to transcend most of the world and get into positive states of energy, you get into integrity or Truth, and you are lead by Power.. which gives. Some of these states are Courage, trust, willingness, acceptance or forgiveness, reason, love, joy, peace or bliss, enlightenment... etc. Go the other way and you are in the all familiar Pride, anger, desire, fear, grief, apathy, guilt, shame...
What does this all have to do with booze? Well, if you're willing to accept a "spirit"ual solution, which some of us believe booze to be, then it has everything to do with it. The 12 Steps bring a person to about 540 when properly done. Sufficient substitute to booze? Drugs? I think so.
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signs and symptoms of alcoholism
