Parent of daughter married to Marine, depressed they are moving far away, any support groups for parents?

[WK91]

Originally Posted by Clemencia53

not true.

I think you are partially correct here.

Assume you are going on an unaccompanied remote tour. Let’s say Korea for 12 months.

You absolutely can bring your dependents, plus you will get OHA for whatever the location is that your dependents have declared their home. So the cost of living is covered if you want to park your dependents off base in Korea.

If memory serves, I think you do have to pay out of pocket for the dependent plane tickets, though.

But the negatives will be many.

1) If you have any school age children they are not guaranteed a DOD school slot. They may have to go to school off base at an international school, and the member will have to pay out of pocket.

2) Dependent jobs are few and far between. It’s very possible the dependent will not be able to find valid employment.

3) Health care and dental may be very limited and only able to be gotten off base, so you would need International Tricare SOS, which may mean deductibles, etc.


So to sum up, if you do not have any children, and the spouse is very healthy and not likely to need much health care, plus is ok not working, then that would make sense to bring a spouse with you on an unaccompanied.

The military will try to discourage you, and the vast majority of people will not even think about bringing dependents. But they can’t stop you in most cases if you are determined to bring them.

But I’m not sure how this applies to 29 Palms? Isn’t that a regular CONUS base where families can come? I’m not sure, never been there.

One thing I want to add is that I have seen many spouses and kids go back and stay with mom and dad/ grandma and grandpa when the service member is deployed or at extended training for a few months.

Lastly, I have talked to a few Marines and they despised 29 Palms. Ridiculously hot, middle of nowhere, tough training conditions.

[Threestep2]

These are two youngsters. Let them get there first and explore. It is hot. It is hot in a lot of places. He did not like there before. There are worse duty stations. She may find the perfect niche for herself. Cali does not need International Tricare, at least not yet.

[prospectheightsresident]

Originally Posted by Clemencia53

not true.

What did I write that isn't true? I was explicitly answering what unaccompanied tours entail. Sure, the sponsor will still rate BAH at a particular duty station (I think it can either be home of record, follow-on tour location if known, or most recent tour prior to unaccompanied PCS orders move) and be entitled to associated benefits at those locations. But this is about what the military will/won't do for unaccompanied orders. The military cannot stop family members from paying to travel to and live in the area that the sponsor is sent on unaccompanied orders to, but that doesn't mean the military will pay for it and extend benefits to dependents should they decide to move on their own dime.

[prospectheightsresident]

Originally Posted by Okey Dokie

I believe prospectheights is referring to unaccompanied tours, i.e., Korea.

Originally Posted by 44echo

prospectheightsresident was answering the question "What does an unaccompanied tour mean? It appears to me that you guys mistook that answer as a general statement on how military assignments work.

Yes, I was referring specifically to unaccompanied tours, which is why I bolded the section of the quoted post that asked "what is unaccompanied tour mean?"

[JOinGA]

Originally Posted by remirosie123

Hi all,

Mu daughter and I are very close, she is only 21 and married a Marine last year. He was pretty sure that he would be extended at his current base which is close to us, therefore we get to see them quite often. He is very nice, family oriented and also close (emotionally)to his parents, though they are about 4 hours away from us. His orders are to go to California now and the monitor has two days to possibly change these orders, but chances are slim. I am very sad and excited though for them. Are there any support groups for parents of military spouses? I know she is excited, but I also know that he may be gone for months for training....anyway, I am not sure how to support them and deal with my sadness as well so that is why I was looking for others to talk with, please advise

Kids moving away is not limited to those in military service. I grew up with all of the extended family in one small area. This is not the world we live in. Among my siblings we have 7 adult children. They are living in 4 different states. None of them live in the state we parents grew up in. Families scatter. My daughter is not military, but she moved to the opposite coast for a job and now my granddaughter is there. You just have to keep reminding yourself that she has to live her own life and that, hopefully, you will live in the same place again in the future. Thank goodness for FaceTime, Instagram and all of the other means we have now to stay in touch. She will need you.....you are still Mom!

[remirosie123]

Originally Posted by JOinGA

Kids moving away is not limited to those in military service. I grew up with all of the extended family in one small area. This is not the world we live in. Among my siblings we have 7 adult children. They are living in 4 different states. None of them live in the state we parents grew up in. Families scatter. My daughter is not military, but she moved to the opposite coast for a job and now my granddaughter is there. You just have to keep reminding yourself that she has to live her own life and that, hopefully, you will live in the same place again in the future. Thank goodness for FaceTime, Instagram and all of the other means we have now to stay in touch. She will need you.....you are still Mom!

Thank you for your kind words, I am better each day, but they are not leaving for three weeks LOl, I know it is so different now, I think part of my issue, is as a child, in a different era, and we had all the extended family around and it was something I was used to. I am trying hard to be positive, and it is working because I know that things in life are not always in our control, but I am glad I have you all to help me through!