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I find some kids very cute, and am always goo goo ga ga-ing with them, but others I almost dislike. Whenever my sister in law calls my boyfriend to babysit his nephews I get so mad. I hate babysitting, and it’s things like this that make me realise I will not be a good mother.
And honey, in the relationship you are currently in nobody here will tell you it's a good idea to want any children either.
This is really very simple - people who don't want kids make bad parents, so just don't have any. Parenthood is not for everyone, no big deal.
I was just never interested in having children. Ever. Even when I was a child, I didn't play with dolls or play house or even really play with other kids my age. I cannot, on any intrinsic level, understand why anyone would ever actually *want* or *try* to have kids. Kids were just the result of what happened if you had se without trying to prevent having them. I've date men with children, and almost became a step-mom. I have friends with children and spend a lot of time with them. I don't have anything against kids, or most people who have them (there are some exceptions, though), I just never had any desire or dee-seated desire to have any of my own. I don't think this is selfish in a bad way at all... if you aren't interested in having children and willing/able to do a really good job of being a parent, then you shouldn't be stigmatized for not having any.
And I really get irritated with people thinking that being selfish automatically means that you're a bad, evil person. Seriously. Self-preservation is the one of the strongest natural drives... if we don't take care of ourselves and do what we need to do be happy and healthy, who the heck else will? Having your own interests and having them be important to you, and enjoying your own free time and pursuits doesn't make you a bad person... even if other people think you *ought* to be putting someone else's needs and wants ahead of yours. As long as you didn't chose to be in a position where someone else's needs and wants should come first most of the time, like being a parent, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with living your own live on your terms if you're not hurting anyone.
I think it's much more selfish, in a bad way, to have kids because you can't deal with the peer and family pressure, can't be bothered to take precautions, or have them and can't be bothered to take care of them properly.
I was just never interested in having children. Ever. Even when I was a child, I didn't play with dolls or play house or even really play with other kids my age. I cannot, on any intrinsic level, understand why anyone would ever actually *want* or *try* to have kids. Kids were just the result of what happened if you had se without trying to prevent having them. I've date men with children, and almost became a step-mom. I have friends with children and spend a lot of time with them. I don't have anything against kids, or most people who have them (there are some exceptions, though), I just never had any desire or dee-seated desire to have any of my own. I don't think this is selfish in a bad way at all... if you aren't interested in having children and willing/able to do a really good job of being a parent, then you shouldn't be stigmatized for not having any.
And I really get irritated with people thinking that being selfish automatically means that you're a bad, evil person. Seriously. Self-preservation is the one of the strongest natural drives... if we don't take care of ourselves and do what we need to do be happy and healthy, who the heck else will? Having your own interests and having them be important to you, and enjoying your own free time and pursuits doesn't make you a bad person... even if other people think you *ought* to be putting someone else's needs and wants ahead of yours. As long as you didn't chose to be in a position where someone else's needs and wants should come first most of the time, like being a parent, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with living your own live on your terms if you're not hurting anyone.
I think it's much more selfish, in a bad way, to have kids because you can't deal with the peer and family pressure, can't be bothered to take precautions, or have them and can't be bothered to take care of them properly.
Interestingly (and just to present another view) my experience was the complete opposite of yours!
I was always interested in having kids - used to love baby dolls and playing house as a little girl. Couldn't wait to be old enough to babysit the neighborhood kids myself.
You can't understand why anyone would "want or even try to have" kids, and I cannot understand why some people purposely deprive themselves of the miracle having a child really is
MY kids were not the "result of something that just happened" My kids were planned for, greatly anticipated and joyfully celebrated.
I suffered absolutely no family or peer pressure to have kids and they certainly aren't here because I couldn't be "bothered to take precautions".
My mothering instinct is and always has been very strong. Some people are just not born with those same kinds of instincts. When you aren't it's best not to attempt parenthood, or you and your child will both be miserable.
That was probably one of the variety of reasons that malamute was referring to.
Quote:
I find some kids very cute, and am always goo goo ga ga-ing with them, but others I almost dislike. Whenever my sister in law calls my boyfriend to babysit his nephews I get so mad. I hate babysitting, and it’s things like this that make me realise I will not be a good mother.
I've never been interested in holding other people's babies. I am much more likely to notice a cute puppy over a cute baby at the park and you'll never find me goo goo ga gaing over them. I like some adults and don't' care for others, the same holds true for children. I will babysit for friends (if I like their kids or if they are in a bind) but I don't love it. That said when I had my dd I fell head over heels in love with her and goo goo ga ga'd my head off. I also loved holding her and snuggling with her and taking care of her. It's very different with your own kids then it is with others.
I've never been interested in holding other people's babies. I am much more likely to notice a cute puppy over a cute baby at the park and you'll never find me goo goo ga gaing over them. I like some adults and don't' care for others, the same holds true for children. I will babysit for friends (if I like their kids or if they are in a bind) but I don't love it. That said when I had my dd I fell head over heels in love with her and goo goo ga ga'd my head off. I also loved holding her and snuggling with her and taking care of her. It's very different with your own kids then it is with others.
Me neither! Can't stand it when someone wants to know if I want to hold their baby. If I did, I'd ask. It's so awkward because I'm not a baby person, don't gush over them, don't want to hold them. Completely different with my own son though.
That being said, we knew we wanted to have a child. Not sure how to explain that - but that was the case.
That was probably one of the variety of reasons that malamute was referring to.
I've never been interested in holding other people's babies. I am much more likely to notice a cute puppy over a cute baby at the park and you'll never find me goo goo ga gaing over them. I like some adults and don't' care for others, the same holds true for children. I will babysit for friends (if I like their kids or if they are in a bind) but I don't love it. That said when I had my dd I fell head over heels in love with her and goo goo ga ga'd my head off. I also loved holding her and snuggling with her and taking care of her. It's very different with your own kids then it is with others.
This was me too. Not a baby person at all ....although I enjoyed my own. I tire of other people's (young) children very easily but I have really enjoyed my kids at every age and enjoyed parenting MUCH more than I ever would have thought.
I describe my self as being selfish when people ask why I don't have children.....It usually shuts them up......... If I'm feeling really evil and surrounded by sympathetic looks from people who assume I can't have them I have much better replies....
My husband travels a lot for his job and I get to travel with him... We take 5+ holidays together a year, play golf, have nice things in our home, go to good restaurants, I cook good quality food, we have enough money to buy nice clothes and presents for our friends and family.
I am too selfish to want to change any of this for a child I don't want one messing up my home and putting food handprints where they shouldn't be... nor do we want to share each other or our time with a child. My brother and sister in law only come to stay with us without their daughter - our god daughter ( I have no idea why we agreed to this ) as my husband said she can only come and stay when she has learnt to sit still with a book in her hand........... I asked my husband on date 2 if he wanted children because at 31 I wasn't going to waste time getting involved with someone desperate to have kids.....I'd been there with an ex who said he didn't want then and then after 4 years said actually he did and he didn't want to loose me by telling me at the time... we lasted probably another 2 months...
I am 40, never wanted children and have never had them. I don't have any maternal feelings towards them. If a child falls over in the supermarket my first reaction is to get away before it starts crying.....
My friends who have children know I only have a 30 min window of patience for their little ones and thankfully don't usually bring them to our place !!
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My kids were planned for, greatly anticipated and joyfully celebrated. 
I also loved holding her and snuggling with her and taking care of her. It's very different with your own kids then it is with others.
How can she be your sister in law if he's only your boyfriend?
