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My husband is tall (6ft 6in) and I'm short, (5ft 2in). Our twins are on the shorter side being 5'9" but our younger boys are tall, the 12 year old is 6'1" and the 11 year old 5'8". On my side of the family it's not a big deal but my husbands side? Holy cow, you'd think everyone's major goal in life is to be over 6'6". My husband has an uncle who is over 7 feet. Who cares?
Anyway, the more I think about the height comparison, it's sort of like the parents are congratulating themselves on their fantastic genetics or something. I think what it does over time is give some kids some unearned sense of superiority in life, and others that will always feel inadequate or resentful when really there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.
Honestly, I don't think it is about that. I think when most families do it, they haven't seen the kid in awhile, getting taller is a noticeable thing, it's more "PC" than saying, "Wow, Janet, looks like your boobs have made a lot of progress since we saw you last! You must be up to what, a C cup by now?", and it's a way to compliment the kid on something. I don't see it as any different than when my grandmother shamelessly tells the family at Thanksgiving that she has the most beautiful children and grandchildren in town. None of us have to wear paper bags over our heads, but nor are we traffic-stopping by any means. The underlying message is she's trying to express how highly she thinks of us, offer a bit of flattery. Everyone just laughs and goes back to their turkey. It's not a big thing.
No matter what you compliment, there is the possibility that someone will feel bad in comparison. Even if it's internal stuff. Grandpa praises Mary for getting an "A" in science and it makes Tim feel bad about his C. Maybe Mary is naturally gifted, aced it without trying and Tim worked his butt off for that "C". Grandpa praises Tim for his success in basketball and it makes Mary feel bad for being a klutz. Even if Grandpa praises Sarah for how nice and well-behaved she is, maybe that hurts Irene's feelings because she's ADHD and it's harder for her to sit still and no one ever praises her. She always feels like the less likeable one next to her perfect sister Sarah, who can sit still with little effort. In short, no matter what you do, there is the possibility of hurt feelings if you're sensitive. Hopefully over time, parents raise their kids to be strong enough not to crumble at the first sign of overhearing their cousin is tall for his age.
For what it's worth, many girls who are extremely tall wish they weren't, or wish they were average. It's no fun to tower over everyone or have the boys reject you because they don't feel like freaks next to the shorter girls. Boys face the same issue in reverse. The short girls envy the tall girls' legs. The tall girls envy the short, cute girls who get chosen to be at the top of the pyramid when they're chosen to be the burly mascot because they're totally big enough to fit into that mangy bear costume. The flat-chested girls wish they could get the boys' attention and the big-boobed girls wish the boys would look them in the eye. Everyone has their own cross to bear and no matter how you look, chances are when you're in those teenage years, you've experienced a little envy at one time or another. Hopefully by the time you make it to adulthood, you learn to have some esteem both in your body and the person you are inside. I think when families are praising height or hair or whatever, that's the intent. Those traits tend to run in families, and they're likely going with whatever that child has to work with.
My kids are all tall for their age, but I'm 6'4" and my wife is 5'7", so we are both on the tall side and their height is no surprise. I think most people just do it to make polite conversation and aren't trying to be mean. It is a far more innocuous topic than discussing who is reading at what level and what did each kid get on their standardized test.
Also, while I agree that other attributes are more important than looks, praising that aspect can help build self-confidence. Yes, it is a balancing act so that they don't think their only worth is looks, but they should be confident and proud of that aspect as well. My kids are pretty good looking and my son at 6 1/2 looks like he is 9 or maybe even 10 do to his height and build. The other day on the beach a bunch of 12-14 year old girls we were body surfing near took the time to call him a "future hottie". He was quite proud of himself and there is no reason he shouldn't be.
This is us, except hubby is 6'3" & I'm 5'10". My 6 1/2 yo daughter is like your son, quite tall. Everyone's eyes bug out of their head when I say she's 6 & just finished K. She just missed the cut off, so, she's taller than all the kids in her class. I think she kinda likes it. lol My son is 7 1/2 & just made the school cut off, so, he was in 2nd this year, & is a little taller than many kids in his class. My kids are a 1/4" apart in height & 2lbs apart in weight. lol They are both stick thin, but, so was I as a child.
My friends & I do back to back just to see how much kids have grown, not as a competition. My friend is 4'10" & her daughter, who is my daughter's age is tiny. We joke that the girls look like a smaller version of us. lol My 6yo loves going up to my friend & saying 'I'm almost as tall as Kira'. lol &, um, she's only about 8" shorter than Kira. lol
I have a 9 year old in the 93rd percentile for height and a 5 year old in the 3rd percentile for height, so we see the issue from both sides. Most people who know us don't mention anything about height. We do get comments from strangers, "Oh, your baby is cute," "Wow, your baby talks well," etc. My daughter tells people, "I'm not a baby, I'm a little person, and I'll be six years old next month, and starting first grade this fall. I am the littlest person at my school, but I have the biggest personality." It's true that every student at her school (which has something like 900 people), and a lot of the parents, even parents I don't know, know my daughter. When I walk her to her classroom, I hear at least 30 people say hi to her. So being really short is not always a negative. She's small enough that of course we've discussed it with her, and she's interested in famous people of short stature, and she's always pointing out when an actress playing a young kid on tv is actually a slightly older little person.
On the other end of things, grown men are starting to check out my 9 year old, especially when she's out riding her bike. I don't think they're all perverts, they assume from her height that she's a teenager or petite adult. So she's getting attention that she shouldn't have to be dealing with at her age and doesn't even understand.
For what it's worth, many girls who are extremely tall wish they weren't, or wish they were average. It's no fun to tower over everyone or have the boys reject you because they don't feel like freaks next to the shorter girls. Boys face the same issue in reverse. The short girls envy the tall girls' legs. The tall girls envy the short, cute girls who get chosen to be at the top of the pyramid when they're chosen to be the burly mascot because they're totally big enough to fit into that mangy bear costume. The flat-chested girls wish they could get the boys' attention and the big-boobed girls wish the boys would look them in the eye. Everyone has their own cross to bear and no matter how you look, chances are when you're in those teenage years, you've experienced a little envy at one time or another. Hopefully by the time you make it to adulthood, you learn to have some esteem both in your body and the person you are inside. I think when families are praising height or hair or whatever, that's the intent. Those traits tend to run in families, and they're likely going with whatever that child has to work with.
This was me when I was younger. Now I love being tall. However, I WAS always at the top of the pyramid's, 'cause, even though I was taller than all the girls, I still weighed the least. Um, yeah. =P As for the short guys, I can't tell you how many asked me out & I was uncomfortable w/ it. lol FWIW, I love my long legs, but hate buying pants. lol
It did take me 'til about 11th grade to really open up, & after high school to know how awesome I am. I do love my body. It's not 'perfect', but, it gets the job done, usually. lol
So being really short is not always a negative. She's small enough that of course we've discussed it with her, and she's interested in famous people of short stature, and she's always pointing out when an actress playing a young kid on tv is actually a slightly older little person.
On the other end of things, grown men are starting to check out my 9 year old, especially when she's out riding her bike. I don't think they're all perverts, they assume from her height that she's a teenager or petite adult. So she's getting attention that she shouldn't have to be dealing with at her age and doesn't even understand.
1st part, that is wonderful that you are teaching your younger daughter to own who she is. =) I don't think being short is a negative.
2nd part, yikes! I feel for your daughter. Only 9. Hopefully she can ignore it.
Oh, & PS I had to check where you were from, as I have a friend in another state that has exactly what you have, a tall 9yo, a smaller 6yo with a big personality, going into 1st grade this fall. =)
One of my brothers and I were the shrimps. In fact he was tiny. He didn't hit his growth spurt until he was in high school. He still played sports. He had plenty of friends who towered over him. And he learned coping skills. I need to call him and find out if his feelings were hurt. I'm doubting it. His self esteem was through the roof. He was a cocky little 9-year old.
My dad obsesses about my height, he's hoping I'll get to 6 feet. But I'm around 5'9" and 5'10", I wish I were 6 feet, but I think I'm at an okay height although I do feel short at times...I'm 18 now, I doubt I'll grow much more. But my dad is 5'11" and my mom is 5'8".
I am also 5'10, and wish to grom atleast 5'11. Just a little wish.
This was me when I was younger. Now I love being tall. However, I WAS always at the top of the pyramid's, 'cause, even though I was taller than all the girls, I still weighed the least. Um, yeah. =P As for the short guys, I can't tell you how many asked me out & I was uncomfortable w/ it. lol FWIW, I love my long legs, but hate buying pants. lol
It did take me 'til about 11th grade to really open up, & after high school to know how awesome I am. I do love my body. It's not 'perfect', but, it gets the job done, usually. lol
I think this is par for the course, no matter what our body size.
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