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Wow there is a lot of advice here that is absolutely going to put a huge strain on the relationship with the daughter, if not end it, and send the daughter running into her mothers arms never to return.
There is more at play then smoking. It is a huge boundary issue with the daughter and mother. And scare tactics, legal fights, calling cps, etc is going to make it so much worse. Then mother and daughter get to form an allegiance to defend their addiction and relationship.
It's a crap situation...but the op is Going to make it worse by making it WWIII
I agree with this. It's NOT worth WWIII.
Dad, tell your daughter she's not allowed to smoke in your home. Get her a coffee can with sand in it, if she decides to smoke outside. (That can is for YOUR benefit. That way, she's not dropping butts all over your yard, or wherever it is she decides to smoke.)
If she reeks when she comes over, make her shower and change clothes. Your house, your boundaries.
I've always hated cigarettes. However, at age 15, there are bigger issues than smoking - real hard drugs, alcohol and pregnancy.
My cousin's daughter got hooked on prescription drugs ten years ago. After paying for two expensive rehab, she's still on drugs and will probably die in a gutter from an overdose. Count your blessings.
Instead, focus on high school courses and activities and college. Start researching colleges and planning visits. It's never too early to start.
Sigh. This is exactly why it's important to be smart about who you have your children with. I learned the hard way. I had 3 kids with someone who had none of the same values as me and a much different background. I was a 24-year-old in my 7th year of university who grew up on a farm, with parents who instilled in me strong moral principles, a moderately religious upbringing with plenty of responsibilities growing up. Prior to meeting my ex I was seeing someone with the same background as me and I was really into him. He dumped me to get back with his ex and the next guy to come around (a rebound) was a guy from a crime-ridden neighbourhood of a very big city, his dad had been a drug-dealer at one point, with 4 sisters who had all gotten pregnant as teenagers and he himself had been to jail twice and he smoked, swore a lot and was a high school dropout. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I guess I probably guess I fell for his "bad boy" persona and I got pregnant pretty much the first week we were dating. Ugh. I wish I could go back to 2008 and smack myself upside the head. I thought I had the power to change him into a better guy and I learned too late that that was an unrealistic idea. Of course we split up.
Trying to coparent with someone with far different values is an impossibility. The best you can do is keep your own rules for your child and control what she does when she is with you. You have zero control of what she does when she is at your exes and it is in your best interest to accept that. I realize this thread is from a few years ago but I think it's important for people to read threads like this and understand that that there's only so much you can control.
Sigh. This is exactly why it's important to be smart about who you have your children with. I learned the hard way. I had 3 kids with someone who had none of the same values as me and a much different background. I was a 24-year-old in my 7th year of university who grew up on a farm, with parents who instilled in me strong moral principles, a moderately religious upbringing with plenty of responsibilities growing up. Prior to meeting my ex I was seeing someone with the same background as me and I was really into him. He dumped me to get back with his ex and the next guy to come around (a rebound) was a guy from a crime-ridden neighbourhood of a very big city, his dad had been a drug-dealer at one point, with 4 sisters who had all gotten pregnant as teenagers and he himself had been to jail twice and he smoked, swore a lot and was a high school dropout. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I guess I probably guess I fell for his "bad boy" persona and I got pregnant pretty much the first week we were dating. Ugh. I wish I could go back to 2008 and smack myself upside the head. I thought I had the power to change him into a better guy and I learned too late that that was an unrealistic idea. Of course we split up.
Trying to coparent with someone with far different values is an impossibility. The best you can do is keep your own rules for your child and control what she does when she is with you. You have zero control of what she does when she is at your exes and it is in your best interest to accept that. I realize this thread is from a few years ago but I think it's important for people to read threads like this and understand that that there's only so much you can control.
That's definitely true, like how the drinking age is 21 in the US, yet drinking is extremely common among 18-20 year olds. As a matter of fact, it's even common among people as young as 14-15.
Define common? 1 out of 100 14 yr olds?
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