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Also, since everyone twisted my words around, which seems to happen alot on these forums . I will be even more clear .
We don't even have a hotel, campsite, or anything booked yet. it is just a general, "hey, maybe we should go to that campground we wanted to try, or the new hiking trail this Saturday"
It's friday morning, still don't have anything booked or set in stone other than we will probaly find something before friday night is over. Long after she leaves or is dropped off to her friends house ..
We aren't twisting your words around, simply asking questions. I read your OP as you decided to go on a weekend away. You told your daughter to find a friend's house to sleep over. You know the situation better then we do since we can only read your words.
Is it something your daughter does frequently, ask to spend the night at a friend's house? If not, IMO you put your daughter in an awkward situation and she freaked.
We aren't twisting your words around, simply asking questions. I read your OP as you decided to go on a weekend away. You told your daughter to find a friend's house to sleep over. You know the situation better then we do since we can only read your words.
Is it something your daughter does frequently, ask to spend the night at a friend's house? If not, IMO you put your daughter in an awkward situation and she freaked.
This exactly!
And if you're telling your daughter it's ok to stay at a friends house this weekend because she couldn't last weekend, then it defeats the purpose of your daughter learning from the mistake she made trying to ditch grandmas! And why? Because you want to have time to yourself. At least that's how your OP comes across.
Trust me, I get it! I love it when my girls stay at friends houses and me and my DH can go to dinner, etc kid free! However, you can't have her going around asking if she can stay somewhere, that's rude and it's clearly upsetting her that you're asking her to so this! She needs to be invited to these friends houses without her actually asking if she can stay over. I've had friends of my daughters ask if they can spend the night at our house and I can't stand it! It's rude.
^^^I agree^^^. Since when does a guest invite themselves to stay over? We always plotted our stayovers amongst ourselves as teens, and then the hosting kid asked their parent, and then the guest kid asked their parent if the host parent said okay. If you wanted her to be hosted at someone else's house, you had better know that parent and then call them to ask if they would watch your kid that weekend as a favor so you can go out of town.
You put her in an awkward position of having to invite herself to be someone's guest. Since she'd just been to her friend's for the weekend, asking to go there again might have been too much to expect from those parents.
Do you not call the parents of where she wants to spend the night to verify the parents will be home? If not, you will be the victim someday of the double sleepover ploy...Kid 1 asks if she can spend the night at Kid 2's place. Kid 2 asks if she can stay at Kid 1's, and then they both go to an all night party at someone else's house where the parents are out of town, and both sets of parents think they know where their kid is, but really they're drinking and fooling around unsupervised.
The OP explained what he meant: He punished the daughter for tricking them and her grandmother in order to go to a sleepover, and now he was trying to tell her that she could have the sleepover this weekend if she wanted to arrange it.
After that, he realized he and his wife could go somewhere themselves since the daughter would be out of the house. It's not that complicated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 191185
Step daughter is 15, have been her Dad since she was 4. she has no contact with her real dad, only her grandma on that side. she sees her 1 weekend a month.
daughter canceled weekend with grandma without asking anyone, and tried to arrange a sleepover at a friends house.
Once we found out, we made her go to her grandma's , and told her she needs to ask before she does something like that . we found out by her asking us to give her a ride home from her friends on Sunday what ? why wouldn't you be at your Grandma's ...
so the following weekend, we tell her she can have a sleepover with any of her friends that she wants, and we can drop her off or pick her up, just let us know ..
We also schedule a weekend getaway with ourselves that weekend, since she won't be home anyway ..
The OP explained what he meant: He punished the daughter for tricking them and her grandmother in order to go to a sleepover, and now he was trying to tell her that she could have the sleepover this weekend if she wanted to arrange it.
After that, he realized he and his wife could go somewhere themselves since the daughter would be out of the house. It's not that complicated.
Yes ! thank you . .. . You explained it better than I could apparently ..
The OP explained what he meant: He punished the daughter for tricking them and her grandmother in order to go to a sleepover, and now he was trying to tell her that she could have the sleepover this weekend if she wanted to arrange it.
After that, he realized he and his wife could go somewhere themselves since the daughter would be out of the house. It's not that complicated.
Exactly. People just try to “twist” things to stir the pot.
Yes she seems to be more and more towards a drama queen, and I'm trying to find out why, so we can work towards changing it ?
two weekends ago, we planned a weekend camping and hiking. She came with just by default .
This weekend is for her to have the sleepover she wanted 1st, and our trip is just a 2nd priority .. if she wasn't going to be gone, we wouldn't have even planned a trip, or if she never wanted a sleepover and we planned a trip, she would just be going with by default ..
The Bolded Red text, is why everyone who likes to twist my words around, yes twist my words around, paint a picture of the complete opposite of what was said. and completely IGNORE this post, is why it is so frustrating to get any advise on here ...
Last edited by Miss Blue; 08-10-2018 at 03:37 PM..
Reason: changed font color
The OP explained what he meant: He punished the daughter for tricking them and her grandmother in order to go to a sleepover, and now he was trying to tell her that she could have the sleepover this weekend if she wanted to arrange it.
After that, he realized he and his wife could go somewhere themselves since the daughter would be out of the house. It's not that complicated.
We understood that part....but that was the weekend prior!
It's rude to have your teen ask anyone to sleep over uninvited. It's not that complicated to see that's its rude.
We understood that part....but that was the weekend prior!
It's rude to have your teen ask anyone to sleep over uninvited. It's not that complicated to see that's its rude.
Hmmm. I used to have a friend, we'd sleep over at each other's houses a lot. "Hey, want to sleep over tonight (typically a Friday night)? Sure. Ask your mom if it's OK, and if it is, I'll ask mine."
We did this back and forth lots of times. And during the summer, it might be 2 or 3 nights a week. We knew we had to ask permission, but we were back and forth all the time.
You screwed the pooch when you told her she "could" have a sleepover and scheduled your plans before you KNEW she had a firm commitment.
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what ? why wouldn't you be at your Grandma's ...
