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When I was raising my kids, there were no spying devices (like turning your kid's location on to see where they are).
Do you guys use the new technology to spy, and if so, how is it going? Curious how it affects you and your teen. Does it cut down on them going to fields and drinking? Do they stay home more or just go to places you want them to go to?
I can't imagine (as a teen myself) not having freedom to do what I pleased as a teen. I would have been mortified if not able to do what I wanted to do and go where I wanted to go.
My kids were also kind of free range in that I had no means to spy on them. I would have been a nervous wreck if their location said they were 100 miles away or somewhere on some mountain, etc. How do you handle the stress?
Last edited by thinkingandwondering; 01-01-2022 at 06:42 PM..
When I was raising my kids, there were no spying devices (like turning your kid's location on to see where they are).
Do you guys use the new technology to spy, and if so, how is it going? Curious how it affects you and your teen. Does it cut down on them going to fields and drinking? Do they stay home more or just go to places you want them to go to?
I can't imagine (as a teen myself) not having freedom to do what I pleased as a teen. I would have been mortified if not able to do what I wanted to do and go where I wanted to go.
My kids were also kind of free range in that I had no means to spy on them. I would have been a nervous wreck if their location said they were 100 miles away or somewhere on some mountain, etc. How do you handle the stress?
I cannot imagine spying on my teens. I cannot see how spying would cut down on any behavior. Behavior is the result of choices, not fear. I gave my kids the tools to make choices and I trust them to do their best in those choices. If it takes them drinking in a field, I understand. I certainly drank in a ton of fields when I was a teen. I have gotten a call once when my teen said they needed a ride home because the driver they were with had been drinking. I picked her up, took her to Dunking, commended her on her good choices and left it alone. I do not want my teens to go anywhere other than where they want to go. I trust them. I am sure they will wake up with hangovers and make mistakes, but that is all part of their life. I feel the same stress I would think any parent would when it comes to worrying, but my kids have always had good heads on their shoulders and I think they will always minimize risk. Handling the the stress has never seemed hard.
I don't and never have "spied" on my kids, who are now 22, 19, and 17. We of course expect them to be where they tell us they are going to be, and to be home when they say they will be home or by curfew, whichever is sooner. Where technology comes in is that we can text or call them at any time, and if we do, we expect them to answer promptly. This cuts down on worry tremendously. So far, we have had no reason to distrust them.
But no, we don't have any tracking devices installed and have never seen the need for that. Going out and drinking doesn't seem to be my children's or their friends' style.
In the case of our youngest son, who is 25, the answer is yes, we have the locator on his phone activated. He had some "issues" a couple or three years ago and we almost lost him a couple different ways. The location activator was his idea when he came back home.
He now works all over the metropolitan area so it helps in gauging when he'll be home at the end of the day.
Other than that, no. Not for him before the issues (although in retrospect we should have) nor the other three kids.
The new hot lick a few years ago was in car cameras monitored by the parents at home for teen drivers.
What you call "spying", many others call "good parenting".
Things are very different today than they were when I was young. And, teens are all different too. Some would not benefit from being tracked and monitored. Others need it to keep them safe and to stay on the straight and narrow.
I understand that kids need to be kids and make mistakes and learn from them, etc. but helping a teen to not get arrested or hurt (or worse) is a good thing. If you had an at risk teen, you would be thankful for the tools.
Many of my friends / colleagues have teenagers, and nearly all of them have location tracking on their kids cell phones. I work in an industry where I understand who useful this could be in an emergency, however it seems like more of a security blanket for the parents. My kids are still too young, so jury is still out on how I'll see this tech in a few years...
What you call "a teen" is a wide-ranging category and how I parent a 13 yr old is different from a 15 yr old is different from a 17 yr old.
Parenting/"nanny" apps have many different focuses. Generally, Location Services is always on, and in continuous paired mode with mom+dad's phone. If Location Services goes off, or phone even reboots, Notifications pop up on parents phone. Oh, I forgot about Geo-Fencing: if the phone even leaves a mapped out area, Notifications on the parent's phones.
There are other apps which filter/record web searches, time usage of evil apps like Instagram or other social media. If you choose, you can completely BLOCK TikTok or Snapchat or WhatsApp or whatever's on your poo-poo list. You can completely shut down the phone and make it go Sleepytime except for calls or txts after say, 10pm.
Years ago, the software was even more HEINOUS - you could completely read and playback the child's txt and picture history, but a fight between Apple + the DOJ resulted in the nanny software(s) were kicked out of that arena (same tech as cheating-spouse-finder-apps). You can STILL do it with physical access + a USB cable but we're getting off in the weeds away from parenting and into phone-hacker territory. Yes I can STILL see txts you have deleted, which raised the hair on the back of the neck of the adult women in the room I demonstrated it to.
But there is "no privacy" in the modern age, unless we agree on the rules and what is and is NOT private, personal business.
If "your grandkids" are off in the fields drinking bottles of Boone's Farm, spray-painting bridges and drag racing cars on a Saturday Night, and parents have no idea of their shenanigans, that's a far deeper problem.
When the kid turns 18, no more phone monitoring software. In fact, you gonna pay for your own cell plan! I'm making you into a fully functional adult, that can survive and thrive without me - one day at a time.
We've all either watched or lived thru Animal House and Porkys movies and the first year away at college. I myself would drive into Mexico to buy alcohol when I wasn't even 21. But by then, you hope that enough good sense have been instilled and that they are responsible and can take over the manual flight controls. Some families say "18 you are an ADULT now" and I know others that pay for their college and DRIVE them to college and work as if they were 12 yr olds, even when they are 25.
What you call "a teen" is a wide-ranging category and how I parent a 13 yr old is different from a 15 yr old is different from a 17 yr old.
Parenting/"nanny" apps have many different focuses. Generally, Location Services is always on, and in continuous paired mode with mom+dad's phone. If Location Services goes off, or phone even reboots, Notifications pop up on parents phone. Oh, I forgot about Geo-Fencing: if the phone even leaves a mapped out area, Notifications on the parent's phones.
There are other apps which filter/record web searches, time usage of evil apps like Instagram or other social media. If you choose, you can completely BLOCK TikTok or Snapchat or WhatsApp or whatever's on your poo-poo list. You can completely shut down the phone and make it go Sleepytime except for calls or txts after say, 10pm.
Years ago, the software was even more HEINOUS - you could completely read and playback the child's txt and picture history, but a fight between Apple + the DOJ resulted in the nanny software(s) were kicked out of that arena (same tech as cheating-spouse-finder-apps). You can STILL do it with physical access + a USB cable but we're getting off in the weeds away from parenting and into phone-hacker territory. Yes I can STILL see txts you have deleted, which raised the hair on the back of the neck of the adult women in the room I demonstrated it to.
But there is "no privacy" in the modern age, unless we agree on the rules and what is and is NOT private, personal business.
If "your grandkids" are off in the fields drinking bottles of Boone's Farm, spray-painting bridges and drag racing cars on a Saturday Night, and parents have no idea of their shenanigans, that's a far deeper problem.
When the kid turns 18, no more phone monitoring software. In fact, you gonna pay for your own cell plan! I'm making you into a fully functional adult, that can survive and thrive without me - one day at a time.
We've all either watched or lived thru Animal House and Porkys movies and the first year away at college. I myself would drive into Mexico to buy alcohol when I wasn't even 21. But by then, you hope that enough good sense have been instilled and that they are responsible and can take over the manual flight controls. Some families say "18 you are an ADULT now" and I know others that pay for their college and DRIVE them to college and work as if they were 12 yr olds, even when they are 25.
These kids will likely be the next round of CEOs, IMO.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Such devices would not exist if people were not using them. How did we manage to raise our kids without Baby Monitors?
I have a younger brother whose daughter went to school in another country, and he knew where she was all the time. If she went anywhere other than her dorm room or the college itself he got an alert. I have actually used the App associated with my wife's car to see where she was, in order to know when to start dinner.
One of mine back in the late 1990s would drive into Mexico to buy alcohol when only 18, we found out by accident later and I was just as glad to not know. I think having some trust (deserved or not) is good, you have to let go and hope you did a good job raising them at some point.
I think having some trust (deserved or not) is good, you have to let go and hope you did a good job raising them at some point.
totally agreed, but there is a GULF, a legal, a physiologial and mental CHASM as dramatic as the Grand Canyon between 17 and below
versus 18 and above.
There are evil, predatory people in this world, over the age of 18 but posing as under 18 on social media. There was a story in a local newspaper, where 3 (adult pretending to be teen) males lured a 14 year old to some location and gang-raped her. And it all transpired thru some popular phone app which I will not mention.
Then you take a step back, and realize the parents BOUGHT HER the phone, which allowed it all to happen. As a parent of teenage daughters, you say "this can never happen. I will install the Spyware, I will read the posts and emails and DMs, I will say I know exactly where my child is, 24 hours a day".
Again, over 18 is a different world.
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