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OP - this would have been much easier to read if you had called them Katie, Steve and my son Carl.
There are some concerning things going on, but if I had to rank them, I'd say the fact that your son continues to want to hang out with two kids who are mean to him is the problem that most deserves attention.
They've seen him as easy to manipulate and fool, and the older girl is a mean girl who gets kicks out of having a toadie around to participate in this.
Can you invite other children over for play dates, and steer clear of kid A and B?
From my point of view, it is impossible to demand from a child, especially at an early age, that their behavior be optimal. The immaturity of his brain and the imperfection of his functions lead to a certain instability of behavior.
In the case of such behavior, many parents abuse their children, using the method of intimidation, and physical violence, which negatively affects the child's psyche. Many people in such cases are deprived of parental rights, and children are sent to children's centers. I try to help such children in such situations and send them to a loving home [url]https://fosterplus.org[/url]. This place is a bridge for a child in need, providing care and support at a critical point in their life's journey and guiding them to a healthier future.
1) Starting a year ago, Kid A (5th grade) and Kid B (3rd grade) develop a strong bond. Families A and B think of them as siblings. Kid B and Kid C are classmates, and starting a year ago started getting along and hanging out with each other a lot. Kid A does not approve of B-C nexus. Makes her displeasure known, is visibly disappointed/annoyed/angry when Kid C shows up, even when Kid B invites Kid C to come over.
Incidents:
1) Family C encounters situations where Kid A manipulates Kid B to avoid Kid C. Kid A and B device a series of pranks where Kids A and B tell Kid C to meet them somewhere, and they run away and hide from Kid C. In once instance, Kid C is forced to walk alone back from a park because "they ditched me again".
Happens 4 times. Last instance, Family C takes the car to find Kids A and B who have sent Kid C on a wild goose chase again. Kids A and B are discovered trying to hide. Family C honks twice in the car, and tells Kid B - "why would you do this to your friend?". Family C's tone is annoyed. Kid A stands frozen, avoiding the conversation completely.
Thoughts?
As an old fifth grade girls scout troop leader - It's weird that a fifth girl grader and third male grader developed any social bond. It's an issue.
Happens 4 times!!! WTF!!!
Stop letting C hanging out with them! Sign the kid up for an after school activity or a sport or martial arts.
Who cares what family A or B thinks?
Last edited by YorktownGal; 06-09-2022 at 04:04 PM..
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The problem with the label "normal kid dynamics" is that it tends to trivialize in the kid's minds how serious and damaging that behavior actually is, even if only in a "Chinese water torture" kind of way. Same thing with "normal adult social dynamics".
Thirty years ago making fun of LGBT's was considered part of normal kid dynamics.
Same thing sixty years ago about racial minorities (esp. interracial couples), girls wanting to go into high-prestige/pay "man's" occupations, and even non-protestant (and even more so non-Christian) students.
If I can't trust society's definition "normal kid dynamics" to be A-OK when it comes to targeting these people,
then how can I trust society's definition of "normal kid dynamics" in any other cases?
Regardless, bullying seems to be a gateway behavior to later criminal behavior (including "white collar crime"), workplace harassment, and (non-criminal) even bigotry. Also, corporations are increasingly seeing adult workplace bullying (i.e. "tough management") as more a money sink than a productivity enhancer: higher staff turnover and associated retraining costs, increased sickleave, lowered productivity per hour even when present at work; also increases employee energy devoted to 'turf wars', 'alliance building', and 'power cliques' instead of devoting that energy to actual productive purposes.
So demanding more decent behavior from children could be part of a long-term crime and workplace harassment reduction program - a long-run cheaper tactic than hiring more HR and police, plus building/maintaining more prison space.
Last edited by Phil75230; 06-10-2022 at 06:32 AM..
So demanding more decent behavior from children could be part of a long-term crime and workplace harassment reduction program - a long-run cheaper tactic than hiring more HR and police, plus building/maintaining more prison space.
Agreed.
However, inquiring minds what to know if the OP is family A, B or C?
As parents of Child C, the one being bullied/teased, you should take control of the situation which is currently out of control.
Tell your son that he's not allowed to play with these two children. Explain that they're being mean, their behavior is not acceptable and that people don't treat other people like that.
Don't communicate with the other parents or speak to their children directly. If the kids initiate a visit, be there to tell them now is not a good time and your son is unavailable due to another activity. No explanation, wish them good day and shut the door.
Involve your son in an after school activity that takes him away from those two.
Possibly talk to the principal of the school about putting your son in a 4th grade class different from the one Child B will be assigned, if you think the principal will be sympathetic to ending the A, B, C dynamic. Some of these admistrators can be very detached, so tread lightly there.
Also talk to your son about bullies/being bullied in an understanding way. Give him ideas and tips on how to handle bullies and how to recognize real friends.
I have a neighborhood kid issue and I wanted some objective assessment of what is going on. Please bear with me as I set up the history and the issues.
Family A - Kid A, Parent A:
3 kid family, Kid A is the youngest daughter - 5th grader
Family B - Kid B, Parent B:
3 kid family, just had a baby, Kid B is a middle son and a 3rd grader
Family C - Kid C, Parent C
2 kid family, Kid B is the youngest son and a 3rds grader
Background: Family A and B live adjacent to each other. Family C lives a block away, but they are all neighbors. They all have historically gotten along well with each other.
Personalities:
Kid A is not very social, as of now does not have any peer friends. Family A attributes this too much "drama" in 5th grade, and therefore justify avoiding all peers as a way to stay away from drama. Not much known besides this rationale. Very volatile personality, has meltdowns on being critiqued. Does not like peers coming over to her house, although Family A is very social.
Kid B: Mischievous and outgoing, prone to use of bad language (god bless TikTock), not much filter, a class clown, loves trash talk. Has history of getting in trouble. Generally a ring leader amongst his peers. However, follows everything Kid A says and does after school.
Kid C: Quieter but social, impressionable and follows Kid B without any issues at school and also in the neighborhood. On IEP, little speech delay.
History:
1) Starting a year ago, Kid A (5th grade) and Kid B (3rd grade) develop a strong bond. Families A and B think of them as siblings. Kid B and Kid C are classmates, and starting a year ago started getting along and hanging out with each other a lot. Kid A does not approve of B-C nexus. Makes her displeasure known, is visibly disappointed/annoyed/angry when Kid C shows up, even when Kid B invites Kid C to come over.
2) Kid B's older sibling has called Kid C autistic in an angry derogatory manner. Family B witnessed it, but never did anything or said anything to Family C. Family C gets to know about this ironically from Family A, whose older siblings witnessed this.
Incidents:
1) Family C encounters situations where Kid A manipulates Kid B to avoid Kid C. Kid A and B device a series of pranks where Kids A and B tell Kid C to meet them somewhere, and they run away and hide from Kid C. In once instance, Kid C is forced to walk alone back from a park because "they ditched me again".
Happens 4 times. Last instance, Family C takes the car to find Kids A and B who have sent Kid C on a wild goose chase again. Kids A and B are discovered trying to hide. Family C honks twice in the car, and tells Kid B - "why would you do this to your friend?". Family C's tone is annoyed. Kid A stands frozen, avoiding the conversation completely.
Family A texts Family C: "It was a misunderstanding, my daughter did not tell your kid to show up to the store or anywhere".
"My daughter is hysterical, you cannot talk to my daughter that way. Its best your kid (Kid C) not hang out with Kid A or B because my daughter is worried she might do something to your kid".
Clarification: Family C did not have a conversation with Kid A as they know Kid A may not take the critique well. Family C asks Family B if Kid B was hysterical, and that did not happen. It appears that Kid A has overdramatized the incident on being caught with orchestrating a malicious prank.
2) Kid C internalizes being ostracized but still reaches out to Kid B with mixed results. He sends one text to Kid B "You are my friend", and it's received well by Kid B. A little bit later, Kid B and C have an extremely short-lived TikTock back and forth. They end up being banned for saying stuff like "you are dumb". Both are equally at fault for provoking each other.
3) At school, Kid B and C have a small back and forth where Kid C says "you will never be famous". Kid B responds by saying "you are autistic" and some other things that are borderline abusive. Kid C shuts down and is quiet at recess and opens up to his family at home after some prodding.
Family C reaches out to Family B. The conversation is firm with a desire to find out both sides of the story, and to keep Kids B and C separated. Family C does not hear another back from Family B. The incident is reported by Family C at school and now there is an ongoing investigation for potential bullying.
Thoughts?
Well first bullying is normal kid dynamics. Second with friends like that who needs enemies.
Maybe take your kids to a youth group where they can make other friends.
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