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Some of my friends and family constantly ask about me having kids. They go on and on about how cute they are and how much fun they are. However, after a drink or two, they open up about how time consuming kids are and how much trouble they are. I've even had one friend who admitted she regretted having children.
Why do you think many people are dishonest about the realities of having children? If not dishonest, they never seem to be mention all of the negatives.
Because they are brought up with the expectation that having kids is just what you are supposed to do in life.
I just look at them and when they ask why we have no kids say "Dont want them, never wanted any, did not have any and am happy about it." Say it with a big smile. If they persist, I say "well, there is no surprise, they would be short with dark hair.".
We are both the end of our families and have no issues with that one either. Neither of my brothers have any kids and we all are retired. We can choose who we support and one brother is putting a step sister thru college. Life is good.
Why do you think many people are dishonest about the realities of having children? If not dishonest, they never seem to be mention all of the negatives.
You realize you could say the same thing about any kind of relationship. Having a significant other also has negatives, you know, they are a lot of work and a lot of trouble, you have to make compromises, settle sometimes. How many of your friends are honest about that, do they discourage you from seeking a partner, tell you about all the negatives of relationships?
Kids ARE cute and fun and time consuming and a lot of work, and you can sometimes have regrets, and sometimes realize how much more empty your life would be if you didn't have them. ALL the feels, good and bad.
From the situation you describe, I think most of your friends (other than the one that said she regrets it) enjoy having kids but are willing to admit that there are some unpleasant aspects to being a parent.
There are pros and cons to many decisions we make in life, including being a parent. Most people that have kids would say the pros outweigh the cons.
You realize you could say the same thing about any kind of relationship. Having a significant other also has negatives, you know, they are a lot of work and a lot of trouble, you have to make compromises, settle sometimes. How many of your friends are honest about that, do they discourage you from seeking a partner, tell you about all the negatives of relationships?
Kids ARE cute and fun and time consuming and a lot of work, and you can sometimes have regrets, and sometimes realize how much more empty your life would be if you didn't have them. ALL the feels, good and bad.
That's some wisdom right there.
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You realize you could say the same thing about any kind of relationship. Having a significant other also has negatives, you know, they are a lot of work and a lot of trouble, you have to make compromises, settle sometimes. How many of your friends are honest about that, do they discourage you from seeking a partner, tell you about all the negatives of relationships?
Kids ARE cute and fun and time consuming and a lot of work, and you can sometimes have regrets, and sometimes realize how much more empty your life would be if you didn't have them. ALL the feels, good and bad.
This is certainly true but a huge difference is that if you are in a bad relationship, you can easily get out and just be single for a while or find a new partner.
BMWs are really nice looking cars until you have to start paying expensive repair bills and realize that the reliability isn't the same as your old Toyota. But you can always sell the car and buy another Toyota.
What happens if you have a child and realize being a parent isn't for you? Oops, you are now stuck. Having a child is one of the most permanent, life altering decisions you can make. Tattoos have always been known to be permanent but they are removable nowadays.
I find that if you come from a "traditional" family, it is ingrained in you to have kids. I have one friend who was 1000% not ready to have any, but his wife was very traditional. So they popped out a son. He is a hellion. Sorry but he constantly lies and manipulates his mom to have his way. I joked to my buddy "when is your next kid", he said f*#k that, lol.
TBH, most of my friends have great kids. They have grown up to be amazing young adults and their parents are happy to have gone through the heavy responsibility of raising them.
To be a good parent, you pretty much have to sacrifice a lot. You are no longer #1.
But if you raise them right, with good values I think you win at the end.
Some of my friends and family constantly ask about me having kids. They go on and on about how cute they are and how much fun they are. However, after a drink or two, they open up about how time consuming kids are and how much trouble they are. I've even had one friend who admitted she regretted having children.
Why do you think many people are dishonest about the realities of having children? If not dishonest, they never seem to be mention all of the negatives.
Everyone has a different life. For me, having children was and is an incredibly positive experience. Mine are now at the end of minority, and I am excited about the idea of having adult children. Is raising children easy and a source of constant fun, of course not. I do not think I have ever heard anyone being dishonest about having children. Every parent I know will say that it is overwhelmingly positive, but it is a great deal of work and stress, both physically and emotionally. The economics can be trying at times, but in the end, the positives outweigh the negatives. I suspect most complaining about children are in the midst of a particular issue that impacts the negative feelings. But at the same time, there are some people who probably should not have children. Since you are talking about friends discussing how "cute they are," "how much fun they are," "how time consuming kids are," and "how much trouble they are," I suspect you are talking about people with young children under age 10. That period is so small compared to the lifetime relationship. I understand because this period has a lot of stress, and also is a time where young parents are dealing with things for the first time. Its gets easier, more fun, and more rewarding as they become their own people. To me, I think very few people are dishonest about it. I am sorry you have met many that you consider to be show. Maybe I am lucky that I do not think I have ever met one person like this.
I think a lot of people do absolutely love their children (maybe only in a primal sense, but yes) but hate being parents. (Said this childfree by choice woman of 69, no regrets). Thank you for letting me post here.
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