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Old 07-23-2022, 04:49 AM
 
Location: Rural Wisconsin
19,807 posts, read 9,367,244 times
Reputation: 38349

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I am both amazed and disgusted that parents that the OP describes actually exist. There is no way I would ever voluntarily get involved in any way with such a person.
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Old 07-23-2022, 07:03 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
16,076 posts, read 21,154,079 times
Reputation: 43633
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metlakatla View Post
Was she coming home from school, and why wasn't Mom meeting her at the bus stop or picking her up from school? She is seven.
Maybe the kid is a 'walker'? Fairly common to have groups of kids that all live on the same street just walk home from school together. My kids would sometimes do that once the weather turned nice, and it seemed like there were always a few older kids as a part of the group too.
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Old 07-23-2022, 07:06 AM
 
Location: rural south west UK
5,407 posts, read 3,603,907 times
Reputation: 6649
I always had one policy when dating, never date a woman with kids at home because you'll always come off second best, the child will always come first, tried it once never again.
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Old 07-23-2022, 08:28 AM
 
37,617 posts, read 46,006,789 times
Reputation: 57214
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigpaul View Post
I always had one policy when dating, never date a woman with kids at home because you'll always come off second best, the child will always come first, tried it once never again.
Obviously you don't have kids LOL!
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Old 07-23-2022, 12:33 PM
 
37,315 posts, read 59,878,910 times
Reputation: 25341
Quote:
Originally Posted by xtremenik View Post
I'm dating a woman with a child and when her 7 year old came home. She rang the doorbell, and the mom spoke through the ring doorbell that the door was open so she can come in herself. Her child sat outside and told her that she wanted her mom to come answer the door. So her child sat on the steps for a couple minutes because she refused to open the door herself.

Eventually after about 10 minutes the child opened the door herself and came in and walked straight up to her mom and said "next time you're gonna answer the ****ing door." I was blownnnnn away that she spoke to her mom like that. Then her mom just told her she can't talk to her like that and made threats of taking the phone away for the day. Then her mom said "apologize" then her kid said (in obviously empty words) "I apologize."

She asked her "what would you like your punishment to be?" The child said "nothing", and then that was the end of it. Then, LITERALLY, five minutes later her mom offers her an ice cream cone, and let's her just watch tv while she sits on the couch eating it.

I am not the father and I don't have any kids, but am I wrong for thinking to myself...."uhhh how the hell do you let your kid talk to you like that?"

I mean, if that was my kid she would have gotten back handed before she ever finished that sentence.

I feel like the mother (my girlfriend) is rewarding that kind of behavior and she's going to grow into a monster when she gets older. And her child has absolutely no respect for her. She never punishes her. She never follows through on threats/punishments. I feel like this is also going to damage our relationship.

Can somebody please explain to me what is going on with my girlfriend and her daughter? I mean, I don't have kids so that's why I reached out on this forum. Because I dunno, maybe every 7 year old tells their parents "you better ****ing do this" nowadays?
1–run away. You don’t want to be part of a relationship where there are no boundaries between adult and child—
That will never resolve in a positive way

2– it is likely IMO that the woman had the same type of passive relationship with whoever fathered this child
She was likely treated the same way—disrespected, trashtalked, and bullied—and learned not to defend herself because there probably was a physical response if she did
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Old 07-23-2022, 09:33 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,212 posts, read 107,931,771 times
Reputation: 116160
Quote:
Originally Posted by loves2read View Post
1–run away. You don’t want to be part of a relationship where there are no boundaries between adult and child—
That will never resolve in a positive way

2– it is likely IMO that the woman had the same type of passive relationship with whoever fathered this child
She was likely treated the same way—disrespected, trashtalked, and bullied—and learned not to defend herself because there probably was a physical response if she did
But the OP said, the mom is his soul mate.

And yet, he also said this, which I only noticed today:

Quote:
I feel like this is also going to damage our relationship.
OP, this shows you already know the answer to your question. It IS going to damage your relationship, no matter how much of a "soul mate" your gf is to you. In fact, some would say, that the situation is a red flag pointing at an aspect of your gf's personality that's less than soul-mate-ish.

In any case, you do seem to have a clear perspective on the situation, even though you seem to prefer to not face the implications of it for your relationship. Any resulting trainwrecks if you pursue this relationship are your own responsibility.
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Old 07-24-2022, 01:03 AM
 
Location: rural south west UK
5,407 posts, read 3,603,907 times
Reputation: 6649
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Obviously you don't have kids LOL!
never had them, never wanted them. and I certainly didnt want someone else's.

Last edited by bigpaul; 07-24-2022 at 02:17 AM..
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Old 07-24-2022, 11:12 AM
 
20,343 posts, read 19,930,346 times
Reputation: 13460
Get out or best of luck
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Old 07-25-2022, 06:51 AM
 
5,655 posts, read 3,155,940 times
Reputation: 14386
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Maybe the kid is a 'walker'? Fairly common to have groups of kids that all live on the same street just walk home from school together. My kids would sometimes do that once the weather turned nice, and it seemed like there were always a few older kids as a part of the group too.
This guy didn't say when this happened...but if recent, it's summer. No school. I thought maybe the daughter was was being dropped off by the dad.
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Old 07-25-2022, 12:47 PM
 
36,539 posts, read 30,871,648 times
Reputation: 32811
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigpaul View Post
I always had one policy when dating, never date a woman with kids at home because you'll always come off second best, the child will always come first, tried it once never again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Obviously you don't have kids LOL!
It would throw up a red flag to me if I dated a guy who did not put his kids first. When you are dating your kids should always come before your bf/gf.
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