Do Americans baby their children? (bullying, meal, teens, teaching)

[lepoisson]

I have some friends from other countries with children and it's interesting to compare their parenting strategies to American parenting strategies. One thing I have noticed is that American parents seem to "baby" their children or let them run the show very frequently.

A great example is with food. My American friends will cook some pasta and since their kids don't eat that, they make them a dinner like French fries and chicken nuggets. Indian friends cook Indian food for dinner and the kids aren't made a special meal and are told "if you don't like it, you don't eat or you can cook your own meal".

Another example is with activities like museums. Many museums here in the US have special exhibits for children like things they can play with and jump in. In other countries, children are expected to experience the museum same as adults. Parents can explain to their children each exhibit and why it's important.

And the final example I have is about school behavior. As a former high school teacher, if I ever had to talk to parents about some behavior problems, the foreign parents would make comments like "oh, trust me, this behavior will never happen again". Asian and Hispanic parents were the most strict. Some American parents would get defensive and say their kid would never do that and the behavior would continue to be a problem for the rest of the school year.

Do you think American parents baby their children? If so, why do you think there is such a huge difference in parenting American style compared to others?

[wac_432]

My kids have friends and relatives their own age in Asia and we travel there or host visitors from there quite often. In general, American kids are held to lower standards, but in some cases they are held to much higher standards.

In general, I would say that the Asian children I know are held to higher academic standards, while American kids are held to higher physical/sporting standards. American kids have tougher social lives and have to face worse bullying and less involved/caring teachers, counselors, and adults in general. Society in America cares less about children and is far less family-oriented than the Asian society I have witnessed. Asian children are better protected and better educated, while also being expected to perform at a higher level academically and musically.

American children are given more freedom and are encouraged to be more creative than their Asian counterparts.

Originally Posted by lepoisson

A great example is with food. My American friends will cook some pasta and since their kids don't eat that, they make them a dinner like French fries and chicken nuggets. Indian friends cook Indian food for dinner and the kids aren't made a special meal and are told "if you don't like it, you don't eat or you can cook your own meal".

I don’t know anyone who does this, so I can’t speak to it. Also, isn’t cooking Indian food for Indian kids like cooking chicken nuggets and french fries for Americans?

Another example is with activities like museums. Many museums here in the US have special exhibits for children like things they can play with and jump in. In other countries, children are expected to experience the museum same as adults. Parents can explain to their children each exhibit and why it's important.

My experience is the opposite. Museums in the Asian country we visit are much more child-oriented. There is a strong focus on activities that engage children rather than dry exhibits aimed at adults compared to American museums.

And the final example I have is about school behavior. As a former high school teacher, if I ever had to talk to parents about some behavior problems, the foreign parents would make comments like "oh, trust me, this behavior will never happen again". Asian and Hispanic parents were the most strict. Some American parents would get defensive and say their kid would never do that and the behavior would continue to be a problem for the rest of the school year.

I have heard similar anecdotes, but I don’t know anyone who blames the school when their child misbehaves, so I can’t speak to this.

As I mentioned, American schools, camps, and activities/care for children are far inferior to schools and such in the Asian country. Public and private schools considered “good” in America would horrify foreign parents. American schools are in worse physical condition, their staff are under-qualified, work far shorter hours, communicate far less with parents, and generally cover less instructional material per classroom hour. There has never been a mass killing in any school in the Asian country and it is not something that would cross a child’s or parent’s mind there.

On the other hand, there may be more support for those with learning disabilities in America. Also, American class sizes are generally smaller.

I’m sure the lower standards of parents have a strong negative effect on the ability of American teachers to teach, but the disparity between American and Asian instructors is remarkably stark. Even my elementary-school-aged children notice the difference. They comment on how much less involved and caring teachers, staff, and even “camp” counselors are in America. They complain about how theft, cheating, bad language, and bullying are rampant in their schools and camps in America. Even though it is usually more intense and demanding, they prefer school and camp in the Asian country to the American counterparts.

The Asian country also provides free child development centers (similar to “childrens museums” in America), extended early maternal health care, very high quality schools, and a large amount of government support for free or low-cost child enrichment programs that extend all the way through high school, to the general public. There is no stigma attached to taking advantage of these programs, as they are considered routine necessary services like medical, dental, police, and fire services.

Different from American schools, American sports are given much higher priority than their Asian equivalents. As a result, American children (when involved in sports) are faster, swim better, have more skill, are more physically capable and are tougher than their Asian counterparts. Gymnastics and team sports like basketball, soccer, or swim teams come to mind as examples where American children are pushed much harder than their Asian counterparts.

Do you think American parents baby their children? If so, why do you think there is such a huge difference in parenting American style compared to others?

Overall I would say that Americans do not baby their children compared to the Asian country in which I have experience. It, of course, varies on a parent-by-parent basis, but I would say that American parents put emphasis on different things than their foreign counterparts. Society and government in America provides far less support to parents and children. The country in question is a Democracy, but it would be considered more of a social democracy than the United States.

Even though they do not hold them to high academic standards and they often allow their children more liberty (free time, fun activities, less demanding in general) I think American children have a tougher time than their counterparts. While I can provide my children with fun vacations and more exciting activities (bigger roller-coasters, extreme sports, huge theme parks, more “wide-open spaces”), overall their quality of life in the United States is worse due to inferior public institutions and a focus on independence and freedom rather than a well-functioning society that works to meet the needs of all.

All that said, both countries are developed 1st-world nations. Children in both countries can and do succeed. There are much worse places to raise children, and I think that ours benefit from experiencing both societies.

[TheOldPuss]

Not all, but all too many baby their kids, in my opinion.

[2mares]

Originally Posted by lepoisson

I have some friends from other countries with children and it's interesting to compare their parenting strategies to American parenting strategies. One thing I have noticed is that American parents seem to "baby" their children or let them run the show very frequently.

A great example is with food. My American friends will cook some pasta and since their kids don't eat that, they make them a dinner like French fries and chicken nuggets. Indian friends cook Indian food for dinner and the kids aren't made a special meal and are told "if you don't like it, you don't eat or you can cook your own meal".

Another example is with activities like museums. Many museums here in the US have special exhibits for children like things they can play with and jump in. In other countries, children are expected to experience the museum same as adults. Parents can explain to their children each exhibit and why it's important.

And the final example I have is about school behavior. As a former high school teacher, if I ever had to talk to parents about some behavior problems, the foreign parents would make comments like "oh, trust me, this behavior will never happen again". Asian and Hispanic parents were the most strict. Some American parents would get defensive and say their kid would never do that and the behavior would continue to be a problem for the rest of the school year.

Do you think American parents baby their children? If so, why do you think there is such a huge difference in parenting American style compared to others?

I'm sure some do. I was raised exactly as you described, no special meals, no special anything and if we got in trouble at school or anywhere else, we got it at home too. My kids were raised the same. I have to admit, I spoiled my grands a little though.

[tnff]

To your specific question, some do. Most don't. You actually covered a lot of things in your post that are only semi related, and each has multiple causes.

Rather than babying children I think the bigger issue is related to the teenage years in which we don't let our kids grow up. It's not that teens are babied, but that they are often treated relatively the same throughout school. Same rules for a 12th grader as a 5th grader it seems. So much seems about external control and externally imposed limits rather than growing self-control and maturity. Then they hit 18 and we expect them to jump from 10 to adult overnight.

That's the point where too many parents become helicopter and lawn mower parents, protecting their kids from problems and removing obstacles from their paths. But at the same time, I can understand why some parents would do that. We have so defined success for everyone the same, and at the same time, put so many roadblocks in the way that parents feel they have to intervene to level the playing field. Take sports for example. Kids with an early birthday will be just a little bit bigger, stronger, and faster than those with a later birthday. Those kids will therefore get more playing time, more coaching time, etc than the others. Over several years that difference in playing time and coaching results in a significant gap where the younger kid is just too far behind to catch up. In our sports driven society we don't want to acknowledge that, but it's there. The only way to even the playing field is for the parent to push for more playing time. Which once one does it, the others also have to just to maintain the status quo. Such obstacles extend into much of the rest of teen years and adult transition.

So instead of teaching our kids to mature and become adults, we throw them into a society that demands adult maturity while roadblocking them from becoming mature. It takes a strong set of parents to successfully raise a child to adulthood through such obstacles.

[Zenstyle]

I don’t know of any nationality other than Americans who pull their kids out of school for “family vacations.”
They’re already the dumbest students in the world, and need all the classroom time they can get. Those parents shortchange their little imbeciles in the name of “making memories.” Yuk!

[gentlearts]

I know my grandchildren call the shots a lot more than my kids did. Especially for the food thing that someone already mentioned. In my house it was, eat what we’re having. I’m not running a restaurant.

Bedtimes were firm for my kids also. They could stay up reading as long as they wanted, but they had to be in bed at a certain time. My grands are up until all hours, until they agree to go to bed.

My grandchild’s parents all take their education very seriously, though.

[june 7th]

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