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Oh I don't know, maybe parents typically have some control over their kids' lives. It's complicated.
Or maybe not, maybe kids today are all free range kids who do as they please when and where they please.
I was a free range kid from the 70's on. I'm the quintessential Gen X- I was the first latchkey kid on the block. I made my own friends (good ones) and stayed away from the 'bad kids'. There was no parental involvement.
My sister who was a Boomer (deceased now), did all that 'play date' BS. Pre-arranged playtime with watchful eyes on her kids all the time. 100% helicopter mom and a whole damned neighborhood full of them. I felt sorry for those millenial kids. Seriously. No freedom outside of the house. We didn't raise our kids that way. They had a looong leash if any at all. My son had a friend that was troubled, and I let him know I questioned why he was willing to be a beat board for the guy all thru high school but hey- his choice. They actually became roommates in college during their freshman year. Guess what? That friendship ended after that year, and my son said "Yeah Dad you were right- He is toxic". I only brought up my observation ONCE and that's it. It took my son living thru his experience to finally decide for himself. That's the way it should be.
I don't think someone is qualified to give parenting advice until you are one. I see many posters here still speaking from a child's perspective. We've all been children. We don't need to be informed of what it is like to be a child.
My parents, too, put me into situations that they thought were beneficial. That did not always turn out to be true. The difference is that I never carried a chip on my shoulder about it, and--now having some idea of the difficulties they faced as parents--I'm glad that I got over myself and just assumed they did the best they could for me.
To your idea that parents need to judge their children's friends carefully, I'll agree. However, I don't think any parent has the expectation that the children they introduce to their child are going to be that child's only/best friends. We all went through puberty as well. We all know how stupid our children [are going to] think we are. We all know how misunderstood they [think they] will be.
Our influence on our childrens' friends is mostly in the negative. We don't encourage them to befriend anyone, but if we detect a "problem child", we point out that they are not obligated to play with or be friends with emotionally manipulative little Suzy or animal-torturing little Johnny. We give them tools to separate and defend themselves from bad influences, as well as the ability to recognize one when they see one.
After all, as you point out, children know other children better than their parents do.
Oh I don't know, maybe parents typically have some control over their kids' lives. It's complicated.
Or maybe not, maybe kids today are all free range kids who do as they please when and where they please.
They're hardly free range today. They're very structured now.
Lol, my parents absolutely did NOT pick our friends out for us.
We were the "poor" family. Now that I'm an adult and know about income levels in hindsight my parents were pretty much at or below the poverty line most of their lives.
So they did not have any silly "classist" judgments on people.
My parents however did instill in us solid moral values. To know that certain people did not have these values and to stay away from them.
They then relied on us to use our best judgment.
TBF if any of us got into trouble with the law, etc with the same group of friends... then they would intercede. (My older brother had ummmm donkeyhole friends... they got into trouble with the law).
All my best friends were pretty nerdy and followed the laws (for the most part lol) and never harmed anyone.
I'm still friends with a lot of them to this day.
I feel that most kids have the ability to make their own friends and it's actually the best way for it to happen.
Lol, my parents absolutely did NOT pick our friends out for us.
We were the "poor" family. Now that I'm an adult and know about income levels in hindsight my parents were pretty much at or below the poverty line most of their lives.
So they did not have any silly "classist" judgments on people.
This was pretty much my childhood experience. I was on the receiving end of a "pick your friends for you" scenario because of it, a friend's parents tried to discourage us from being friends because of my family's 'status.' Not because of our behaviors, just because of status. Even went so far as to say any time I had lunch with them they would boil the utensils afterward.
Not cool and not something we instilled in our kids.
This other, "better" kid, we'll call him Al, was a year older than I and in retrospect not a very nice kid at all, and very full of himself. I remember he wanted to debate my father on various historical matters. My father was a historian, an editor, a writer, and yes an adult, and of course not interested in such foolishness. And a child thinking he's the equal of an adult??
Foolishness? On the contrary, your dad missed a golden opportunity to be a real light in Al's life. As a historian, your dad could have used this opportunity to nurture another child's interest in history, and also sharpen Al's historical knowledge by debating various historical matters. Who knows? Maybe if Al's interest in history had been nurtured and expanded, he might have turned out better than he did. But instead, all he saw was an adult who was too full of his own importance to share his knowledge with a child.
I am a parent and I echo that statement. I did not and do not chose my children's friends. My parents did not do this for me. Surely no parent does this!
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