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Meaning: If something hits a nerve, it upsets someone or causes them pain, often when it is something they are trying to hide.
I see other definitions but that ones seems to fit.
What might be going on psychologically with a person who has multiple nerves that get hit by different people and various topics? Thanks.
You want an explanation of triggers? It's when someone has dealt with something really challenging, painful, or traumatic in their lives, and then unwittingly some other stimulus brings those emotions to the surface in a way that is related but sometimes unintended.
Example. If someone were to tell me that if your kids are not thriving as young adults, it is because you were a bad parent, then that would hit a nerve. Because I have a history, personally, of having made tremendous sacrifices for my kids, yet they are struggling now despite my best efforts. That one was close to the surface due to recent convos in other threads around the board. Now, if my own stress levels were high and I were feeling particularly raw, I like to think I'd refrain from discussing it with them, because I have no desire to give jerks the satisfaction of getting a rise out of me. Otherwise, I might go ahead and tell them why they are wrong.
I don't know anyone who has lived such an easy and pain-free existence that they have NO embedded triggers at all. And while I would agree to some extent with the idea that it isn't a good or healthy thing to enter into discussions with strangers on the internet in a spirit of very touchy sensitivity, and that one should have something of a thicker skin... I can, and will, also call a troll a troll.
A lot of people say things when they lack the fullness of experience or the consideration of other people's life experiences, to even understand how their comment would justifiably land rather badly. Some lack empathy and do not care, or worse, enjoy upsetting other people because it brings a tiny feeling of power to their petty little minds. People who go around deliberately looking for nerves to hit are obvious, they think that they're getting "cool guy on the internet" points or that some invisible onlooker is giving them imaginary high fives, but in fact everyone just thinks that they're being an ass. No one really likes a bully, and that behavior is obvious overcompensation for one's own weakness, insecurity and self loathing.
Trauma is probably a necessary but not sufficient factor to trigger someone. I say "probably" because it seems like some people can be triggered despite leading uneventful lives. I know because there are some among my siblings.
Anyways, you also have to have a personality that is trigger-able. Trauma doesn't affect everyone the same; it rolls off some people like water off a seal. It's water under the bridge. They just ride the waves of life. (Lots of these idioms involve water.)
Trauma is the kindling, and the trigger is the spark, but sometimes people bring their own lighter fluid to the campfire. (Lots of these idioms involve fire.)
Meaning: If something hits a nerve, it upsets someone or causes them pain, often when it is something they are trying to hide.
I see other definitions but that ones seems to fit.
What might be going on psychologically with a person who has multiple nerves that get hit by different people and various topics? Thanks.
Overly sensitive, either in nature, or induced by overly protective upbringing.
Mmm...yeah, despite my statement that it's a good idea to have a bit of a thick skin when engaging in conversation with strangers online, I'm not at all saying that anyone who has potential triggers is some kind of overly sensitive, emotionally delicate snowflake, which is the vibe I'm picking up from the last couple of posts.
I mean, PTSD was coined to replace the term, "shell shock" for soldiers who survived wars. But now people on the internet want to sit in basements and be like, "hurr hurr snowflakes" at anyone who has any kind of trauma? Psh. I like to think I have a little more empathy and compassion for my fellow human beings than that.
I did personally learn the hard way, though, when I was in the thick of the very chaotic and frightening end of my first marriage, that posting about things when I was feeling emotionally raw about them here wasn't a good idea. I took a hiatus for a while from the boards after someone basically said that if I did not follow their advice and go run and hide in a shelter, giving up my kids' school, my job, my few remaining factors of stability, to get away from my ex...then I and my kids deserved whatever abuse we received. That was unkind and it was uncool. I got very upset about it at the time. And I decided that this was not the place to turn to, for supportive thoughts from others or any kind of understanding. A lot of the advice around here can be pretty ego-driven. "If you don't listen to me, you're just asking for your suffering." Which doesn't acknowledge whatsoever, the place where the person with the issue is standing.
But those advice givers just are not speaking from a caring place. /shrug
Of course, as time went on and I have healed a great deal, I can talk about things with no particular emotional impact involved. If I use emotional language, it's generally in the spirit of hyperbole, to make a point. It is rhetoric, not something I am feeling strongly in the moment anymore.
But I don't feel like I need to be nasty to other people for having feelings, or triggers. I think that everyone does. More to the point, I am not at all ashamed of myself for how I was back in the aforementioned timeframe...I was going through some serious crap. I had a right to have feelings about it. That was me being human. There are gonna be limits to how far just about anybody can be pushed, by life, before something sets off some less-than-purely-rational responses. What causes any particular person to react is as varied as our individual life experiences.
Though I also think that some people are in a bit of denial that it's what they are experiencing. My Dad is a good example of that. He would think of triggering as some loony lefty feminist sputtering, screaming and crying hysterically, being all shrill and crazy about something. When anytime the subject of politics came up, I'd be calmly making rational points and he'd be blustering and getting angry. He was very triggered, because he's been pretty thoroughly programmed to be. But recently my stepmom told me that he has been diagnosed with dangerously high blood pressure. And his sister, not far from him in age, just weeks ago dropped dead of a sudden heart attack. He's now been put on a bunch of meds, but his health just is not good. We talked on the phone yesterday, and at one point he made a comment that I perceived as bait to a political discussion, and I just ignored it very deliberately and left it alone. I felt it would be an unkind thing to do, to take the risk of getting him all worked up in his condition.
He doesn't see that as "triggered" behavior, but I think it is. He thinks he's being strong and bold and manly, yelling about his views, and I see it as panicky and fearful behavior. Kinda goes to that thing where men often don't consider overt displays of anger as "being emotional"...but what the hell else is it, I ask you?
I think there are a lot of examples of this, besides those given. Everyone has something. Yes, of course if you've just lost your mom, you're going to be sensitive to references of this or things about her. If your parents were abusive, then abusive parents may touch a nerve. But it may also be as simple as, you're insecure about your weight and so a "fat" joke that someone else would just brush off is going to bother you more, even though you'd just roll your eyes at jokes about your height or hair color or job.
Which is why it's a good idea to know your audience before making jokes or bringing up topics, and also to keep an eye on your audience to see their reaction and whether it indicates that this topic is a no-go.
What might be going on psychologically with a person who has multiple nerves that get hit by different people and various topics? Thanks.
They are being a human being? People are so used to others lying about and pretending they don't have feelings that a person comfortable expressing theirs seems odd. There'd be no need for moderators, for example, if people were as unbothered as they'd have others think they were.
Which is why it's a good idea to know your audience before making jokes or bringing up topics, and also to keep an eye on your audience to see their reaction and whether it indicates that this topic is a no-go.
Some people know their audience but press buttons intentionally because others in the audience may not be aware of all the background information to see the truth of a situation.
I watched an interview where the interviewer (who has a large platform) had an "underdog" type guest on the show. Let's say, the guest was someone successful in a niche genre but the interviewer had an audience who, for various reasons, may not be intimately familiar with the guest. Someone like me is there for the guest and not the host, bc I'm interested in the guest's info. I actually don't even know who the host is (for various reasons) despite their apparent popularity. I even tried seeing why the host was so popular but couldn't find info from a quick search. Maybe my searching skills are off (totally possible), but if you search the guest's name, despite them being less popular (on the surface), you'll get more results due to their background. And not in a bad way.
Anyway, the more popular interviewer was clearly in their feelings because they started asking questions that anyone familiar with the guest knows are touchy. If you knew the background of the guest, you'd recognize the insidiousness of the questions. And actually even if you didn't know the guest, it'd become clear after a while that the interviewer was being extra. Because I knew the background, I could tell immediately the interviewer was poking. But the guest tried to remain professional. However, it got to the point where the guest started subtly jabbing back, and the interviewer was clearly upset even though they "started" the confrontation. The interviewer, for whatever reason, was in their ego and actually missed so many opportunities for a better interview because of it. I happened to read the comments, and people were praising the interview and I was thinking...did you guys see the same interview I did? But you know what? This was probably their first time hearing about the interviewee. Because I'm familiar with the guest, I see it differently (so in that respect, my assessment isn't totally fair). But the interviewer was intimidated by the interviewee and so missed many opportunities for a better interview because (from my perspective), they wanted to maintain their superior image to their audience. I was so mad (lol) but really, it was unfortunate. That's how ego can ruin things.
personally, it is interestesting to me when children "hit a nerve".
not teenagers, but 4/5/6 year-olds. a 3yo did it once. hilarious.
guard your nerves and remain calm because you never know
what a child might say.
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But you know what? This was probably their first time hearing about the interviewee. Because I'm familiar with the guest, I see it differently (so in that respect, my assessment isn't totally fair). But the interviewer was intimidated by the interviewee and so missed many opportunities for a better interview because (from my perspective), they wanted to maintain their superior image to their audience. I was so mad (lol) but really, it was unfortunate. That's how ego can ruin things.
