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I used to dream about my ex husband a lot. The dreams would happen every 3 or 4 months, for years. They were always kind of the same.
He and I would be someplace, getting along, having a good time somewhere...maybe a party. Maybe at a park, or a carnival...really connecting it would seem...and then he'd be gone. And he left without saying goodbye.
The dreams always made me sad. There was no big emotion. No fight or yelling...it was like he just forgot about me and left. I remember one of the dreams specifically, where we were at a carnival, and he'd won me some stuffed animal, and we were sitting on a bench. Then he got up and started walking away. At first, I thought it was to throw something in the trash, but like a flash, I realized "Oh. He's not coming back." And I watched him go.
That was kind of a new development...figuring it out as it was happening.
And then, at some point later, I had a dream that started out as they usually do. We're getting along, having a good time together...and then something more interesting or more fun came up, and I left without saying goodbye. I didn't leave to be mean, or vengeful, or anything like that. I had just forgotten about him, and I left to do something better. THAT was a hallelujah dream.
That sounds great! I hope for a similar outcome....
I've come to the conclusion that the appearance of my ex in my dreams is actually my sub-conscious mind giving me someone to blame for my feelings of inadequacy. I'm down on myself, and have been really depressed for the past 4 years. I don't accomplish much as a result.
So what I'm really doing is expressing disappointment in myself and using the ex as my bad guy. How convenient!
I just started on a new antidepressant that may help and I always have more energy in the spring. I actually made a to do list this morning so I could try to stay focused on chores this weekend (I need to clean house and paint the spare bedroom. Baby steps!)
I've come to the conclusion that the appearance of my ex in my dreams is actually my sub-conscious mind giving me someone to blame for my feelings of inadequacy. I'm down on myself, and have been really depressed for the past 4 years. I don't accomplish much as a result.
So what I'm really doing is expressing disappointment in myself and using the ex as my bad guy. How convenient!
I just started on a new antidepressant that may help and I always have more energy in the spring. I actually made a to do list this morning so I could try to stay focused on chores this weekend (I need to clean house and paint the spare bedroom. Baby steps!)
OP, I know you are on antidepressant medications and I wouldn’t pay much attention to what is occurring in your dreams. Here is a list of some known drugs with issues-
Having been on some of those medications for decades, I can tell you that if I were bothered by who showed up in my dreams, I’d probably have to spend hours a day in therapy. My dreams are just so bizarre and surrealistic. I’ve had affairs with a few coworkers (I have no romantic interest in any coworker whatsoever), lots of dreams about huge family fights with estrangement, and dating men with whom I’ve had toxic relationships and being sickened by it. I don’t really get any lessons from this other than hey- they are weird!
I've been divorced for 16 years. I'm lucky in that my kids are now 22 and 25 so I don't have much contact with the ex anymore. He cheated on me, I tossed him out and I thought that was the end of the story.
Recently I've been having very vivid dreams where my kids are small again and my ex is in the picture. The consistent recurring theme is that I have done something to disappoint him...usually failed to complete home renovations, failed to clean the house, failed to meet some other expectation. The list of things i did that he disapproved of in real life was long. He was stern, unforgiving, humorless and unkind. My appearance, my weight (I was a size 12 when we divorced and that was too much for him), my daily routines, you name it, he criticized it. My daughters have reported that he still sometimes makes fun of my old beat up and messy car, my small shabby house, etc. I"m okay with the choices I've made and my lifestyle...it isn't extravagant but my house is paid in full.
The dreams happen multiple times a week! What can I do to get him out of my head? This constant disapproval is getting me down as if it were happening again in real life (I'm enjoying the parts of the dreams where my kids are small again).
I did bring it up in group therapy, and the therapist said to write a script of what I would say to ex in the dream if I could before I sleep. She said eventually I would be able to tell him. I'm dubious. But I found "Back the h*** off" to be a pretty easy script to write.
If you're on medication it might be affecting your sleep. Maybe discuss this with your doctor.
But also some dreams are a way for the mind to work out unresolved problems, problems that may never actually be resolved in life but may help us come to terms with issues and events that still linger.
Sometimes I have dreams that I'm still married to my first husband, and I wake up so relieved it isn't so.
Other times I dream of an ex who ended our relationship and broke my heart. Those are sad dreams and I'm left thinking maybe everyone has to have that one big heartbreak in their life.
However the thinking part of my brain tells me he did both of us a favor in recognizing we were not compatible ultimately. This is what the dream has helped me to recognize.
Your dreams of your former husband's criticism are helping you to resolve old issues in the same way.
Unless you think these vivid dreams are caused by medication, embrace them as your subconscious helping you to heal.
I have the exact same issue with an ex-boyfriend.
We've been broke up for about 20 years now.
In real life I had met his ex-wife a couple of times (she showed up at the house at 2am once after a night of partying totally out of left field. I was watching Tv and he was crashed out in bed to awaken to seeing his girlfriend and ex chatting away. He went back to her for a bit but that fell apart. He ended up marrying his co-worker.
There's more deets that played out like a bad sitcom that I'll spare CD'ers from and I just want the dreams to go away.
OP, I know you are on antidepressant medications and I wouldn’t pay much attention to what is occurring in your dreams. Here is a list of some known drugs with issues-
Having been on some of those medications for decades, I can tell you that if I were bothered by who showed up in my dreams, I’d probably have to spend hours a day in therapy. My dreams are just so bizarre and surrealistic. I’ve had affairs with a few coworkers (I have no romantic interest in any coworker whatsoever), lots of dreams about huge family fights with estrangement, and dating men with whom I’ve had toxic relationships and being sickened by it. I don’t really get any lessons from this other than hey- they are weird!
Generally speaking i like the vivid dreams so I don't want them to stop.
I've started a new med that totally messed with my sleep, I was awake from 3am to 5am last night so now I have a whole new problem!
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma
Generally speaking i like the vivid dreams so I don't want them to stop.
I've started a new med that totally messed with my sleep, I was awake from 3am to 5am last night so now I have a whole new problem!
You need to concentrate on enhancing your waking life instead of thinking about dreams you are having or about your ex. Ways to get better sleep too, like going to bed at the same time every night & having your phone in sleep mode or do not disturb settings except for emergency calls. Your bedroom should be cool to promote deep sleep. Have a regular routine & wake up at the same time every day. It can be a lot of other things that are messing with your sleep, but ITA. If you started a new med, it’s super important to let your doctor know of disturbances in sleep or any other things you have noticed during the initiation of a new drug or new dose.
IMO….it needs to be about your own health & creating the life you want when you’re awake tho. Holding onto your dreams seems like a way for you to hold on to your ex.
Dreams can be weird. I still have dreams about my late husband randomly, and I don't attribute it to meaning anything. Just my brain being random.
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In my 20's I had a girlfriend who was from out of state, she stayed in NJ for longer than planned to be with me so the pressure was kinda on at the end of the extra year she stayed here to get engaded.
I was kind of at the end of my party stage of my life but was not ready to have a quicky wedding and have babies as I knew that is what she wanted, so I told her I was not ready and she told me "you are going to regret letting me leave" and I had a hope that one day she would come back to NJ but that never happened. This was before facebook and cell phones were just being started so I lost touch with her. I mailed her a letter to her mom's house about 6 months later asking her to call and she did and informed me she was engaged and "loved" her fiancee.
I really did regret letting her leave as she was the best girlfriend I ever had and was the whole package, I remember once going on a blind date afterwards and some slightly overweight unattractive woman telling me "sorry no sparks" I thought
I fell so far, now even unattractive women are rejecting me and I had a attractive girlfriend who had a great personality and who would do anything for me and I let her go, I was full of regret for years.
I have had vivid dreams about her for 20+ years, that we were together in my dreams mostly. They are getting less and less but I thought I was the only one.
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