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Some people just like people. I don't see where it's hurting you any, so why waste your time thinking about it? There's probably not any one single explanation for it.
Why not? I can’t really say I spend much time trying to analyze the motive behind why people I am friends with choose other friends. I did have one friend tell me she needed friends to fill her life because she gets bored or lonely and her mission when moving out of state was do whatever it takes to cultivate a large circle of friends. I didn’t think why or have much of an opinion other than whatever makes her happy.
Some people are just super friendly and gregarious and enjoy lots of friends and acquaintances. Some feel the validation that comes with being popular , some need to have a large pool of friends they can always call on to do something with.
Currently I have zero friends since moving state. I maintain my out of state friends but don’t feel a calling or need to try and establish friends in my new state. Not sure why, it’s the first time in my life I’ve had zero friends. Some might find that weird , but who are they to judge .
Some people just like people. I don't see where it's hurting you any, so why waste your time thinking about it? There's probably not any one single explanation for it.
We all have various needs and those needs change as we age, or our circumstances ect. I agree, there are so many reasons that I’m not sure I’d try to analyze it or judge it .
Why not? I can’t really say I spend much time trying to analyze the motive behind why people I am friends with choose other friends. I did have one friend tell me she needed friends to fill her life because she gets bored or lonely and her mission when moving out of state was do whatever it takes to cultivate a large circle of friends. I didn’t think why or have much of an opinion other than whatever makes her happy.
Some people are just super friendly and gregarious and enjoy lots of friends and acquaintances. Some feel the validation that comes with being popular , some need to have a large pool of friends they can always call on to do something with.
Currently I have zero friends since moving state. I maintain my out of state friends but don’t feel a calling or need to try and establish friends in my new state. Not sure why, it’s the first time in my life I’ve had zero friends. Some might find that weird , but who are they to judge .
I've been in that boat more or less for the last few years since I moved to the Phoenix area. It's the first time I've lived anywhere that I didn't feel like I had any local friends at all. But this was only ever going to be temporary, we were always planning to move back to Colorado once we'd handled the family stuff we came here to do. So after a few attempts to go out and be social did not yield any promising connections, I gave up pretty easily. It didn't feel worth the effort.
I think the biggest part of it for me is that I work from home now. In the past when I moved somewhere I at least went in to an office and interacted with people there and would end up good friends with one or two of my coworkers.
When you have a spouse or partner it's easy to be happy with their company and not bother to make new friends . Given that you weren't even planning on staying in Arizona it could be even easier to give it a pass.
I think some people are just people "collectors" and like to be known as someone that is inclusive and interesting. I have found that these people usually have very few close friendships regardless of appearances, preferring to keep quantity over quality as a way of protecting themselves. They seem to think they have some kind of "divine purpose" in bringing different people together and they like to throw parties that are awkward and confusing as some sort of humanitarian effort.
I agree with much of the above. Some people just like others & want to get to know them for 100 different reasons.
If waiting for an appt, I'm fine with a few moments of polite chit-chat with someone, even though small talk isn't really my thing. It can be preferable to sitting, staring straight ahead like a soldier in formation but I'm happy to read a book in solitude, too... I have no preference & don't need regular human interaction. As a fairly quiet introvert, I learned to exist on my own & am utterly depleted by people, even if having a good time. So, even when I've had friends, I need to limit my contact so I don't get physically ill or have headaches... people are just too much for me.
Some people grew up with large families who lived nearby & everyone got together for Sunday dinners & holidays. Others lived where suburban block parties or neighborhood BBQ's were the norm throughout the summer.
I think it's great, if you can. I've never lived near family. My b'day was last week & I don't know 1 person I could have called to go out with to celebrate. I can't remember the last time I spent any holiday with anyone... actually, it was 2001 Christmas, with an ex-bf's small family.
If you've got people around, good for you... I think it's a nice way to live. And, I guess, what difference does it make if you want people to like you? Seems fun, at very least.
First of all, I'd like to say, that I'm not looking for an advice, that's why I'm starting this topic in psychology rather than non-romantic relationship. I'm going to talk about my 2 close friends whose behavoiour puzzles me, so I'm curious if someone else is like that or maybe knows someone else who is like that, and what do you think is the reason for this behaviour.
So I have 2 male friends in their early 40s, who, for some reason are obsessed with befriending absolutely everyone they meet (both genders, so it has nothing to do with trying to get dates or anything). Don't get me wrong, I agree that you should be nice and polite to people, and I'm also an extrovert myself, so I'm always happy to meet new people, get to know them, and make new friends if we happen to click and find each other interesting. But this doesn't always happen, sometimes you just don't have anything in common, sometimes you don't like someone and sometimes certain people are genuinely bad, yet none of these matters to these guys. They really try to pursue friendship with everyone they meet, no matter whether they like them or not.
They invite 30-40 people to their birthday parties, just because they know them, and most of these people are pretty socially awkward, like sitting in the corner, not talking to anyone or just saying and doing weird things. It is not just my opinion, because even these guys acknowledge that and often complain to me about how this person is weird or that person is annoying, yet they keep being friends with them. When I ask why, they just say something like "oh, he/she is a good friend. He is a really good guy. I'm just being nice", yet proceed to complain about their behavoiur. I understand that in certain situations we have to tolerate and be nice to people we don't like, for example at work, certain social settings, family gatherings, but this is not the case. These people are just some random people they met at other people's birthdays or weddings or other events, and just because they had a brief chat, they think they must be friends with them for the rest of their lives no matter what they do.
Sometimes people are actually rude and mean to them, and they still want to be friends with them. My husband jokingly said that if someone punches them in the face, they'd probably say "oh, I don't know why he did this, but you know, he is a really good guy", and I think there is some truth to it.
Actually, sometimes my husband's friends and family are weirded out by them, because they add everyone they've briefly met once on social media, and again, behave as if they are best friends, sending them messages just to see how they doing wishing them happy birthday and stuff. They have added absolutely everyone from our wedding on social media. I understand people meet and make friends at these kind of events, but there is no way they had a meaningful conversation with all 70 people that were there who weren't even at their table. I see them writing very thoughtful condolences on my husband's cousin's wife wall, because she posted that her dog died. Like, when did you even talk to her?
All of this makes no sense to me. I can't understand what do they get out from these "friendships" and why are they like that.
The examples you gave sound like an excessive need for external validation or approval. Typically this behavior is due to low self-esteem and/or fear of rejection. If they are allowing others to mistreat them as you say, it may indicate both. These behaviors are sometimes associated with certain personality disorders.
There are people who collect friends in the hopes of gaining favors, kind of like networking. Many relationships are transactional or begun in the hopes of gaining something. I recently met someone like this, started adding me to friends lists, and trying to get me to join groups, texting all the time, etc. It was overwhelming and stressful.
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