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I figured I would make an update since I posted so much of our stuff on here..
So my wife tried to kill herself earlier this month - she was at a BBQ with friends (I was at work), when she drank too much, she's on meds it shouldn't mix with, and she became severely depressed. She made suicidal comments, and gestures (she tried to take her whole bottle of Ativan) before friends knocked it away, called her family, and she was taken to the ER.
I got off work early, hoping to surprise her and that we could have dinner together and finally have the time to spend with each other (I'm going to school full time / working full time). I texted her for about an hour straight, before the words "She's in the ICU, she tried to kill herself.." appeared on my phone.
I raced down there, to her family (well one sister, mother, father) eyes red & watery, arms crossed, and avoiding eye contact with me. The father - "I'm not going to beat around the bush - what problems are you having in your marriage?"
She's regularly talking to a guy online (whose sending her "sex poems" distinctly involving them two), she's depressed and wants a baby ASAP (I wanna finish school), and I guess I've been a jerk too. I only mentioned the baby thing though.
Anyway, apparently as the family drove her to the ER, she bad mouthed me, said something was "wrong" with me emotionally, etc etc etc.
I walked into the ICU room, her family was in tears along the wall, I look at her passed out and connected to machines and say "those are good vitals." I guess my reaction wasn't "right," as the mother pushed me over to my wife, and told me to say something so she knows I'm there.
I speak, and literally her heart rate rises, her eyes open (she's severely drunk, and had the charcoal mix earlier), the sister asks "why is your heart rate racing?" as my wife points a finger at me, then falls back to sleep. Literally - that happened. It was an awkward moment.
So I was under the impression she wanted a divorce and figured we'd talk about it when she woke up. I didn't want her waking up in that room alone, so I spent the next 14 hours by her side, in a chair, awake all night. Her family came and went, and there was a bit of what seemed like them distrusting me (asking me to leave so they could visit (despite me reminding them there's no rule on the number of visitors), or them trying to get me to go to the visiting room to sleep (I asked my wife if she wanted alone time with them - she said no - so I stayed)).
I don't know what my wife said while she was drunk with them, but I don't think it was good..
Anyway, she had the psych eval and volunteered for voluntary admission in the psych unit. Part of the recommendation for leaving was setting up appointments with therapists - I went ahead and set up a marriage one (which she was requesting).
I had a private "heart to heart" with the mother and sister - who suggested I needed counseling because "humans are social beings..you might be happier with some help," I told them I'm extremely happy as it is, the sister admitted to never feeling welcomed in our house, I said that's not true or the message I intended to send, and I awkwardly hugged her, it ended on a good note I think (but I don't know, she's a bit stand off ish and currently ignoring me).
Anyway, during the therapy session I was diagnosed with Aspergers (as someone on here suggested!) - many things made sense in that light, once the therapist informed us about it.
So after the diagnosis - my wife texts her family (I told her she could), and - the internet guy who wrote her sex poems! I discover his IM as he replied to it on her phone while she was sleeping (it made a beep so I looked to make sure it wasn't her family). I asked her to stop talking to him about a month before, after discovering his "sex poem" to her - which identified her, identified him, and discussed their "juices mixing" and positions etc.
I went ahead and checked her email - sure enough, he wrote a new "sex poem" to her the week before - this time addressing him driving to the state we moved to, holding her, and them two having sex.
I woke her up, she was in shock and wouldn't talk, so I sent him & her both an email basically saying how I felt betrayed, trusted them both, but since they talk so often and obviously have those feelings together (atleast him for her) - they should be together, and I should move on. That I'm not going to continue and start a family with someone who I don't feel secure with, and it's time for decisions to be made.
Long(er) story short - she says how the therapy made her feel hopeful about us for the first time in years, and how she sees me in a completely different light. That I'm the one she wants to be with, but my "aspergerish behavior" made her depressed, and under the impression I didn't love her. That she flirted with the other guy, but didn't "like him like that," but he was there emotionally for her while I wasn't. She acknowledges she sees how and why it was wrong, and "feels horrible" for doing it, and doesn't want to lose me.
So currently we're in therapy, committed to working on us, the guy sent a lonnngg email admitting to having a crush on her, feeling bad about sending her things but not being able to stop his feelings (until "recently" apparently..), and that he felt horrible and "sick to his stomach" about disrespecting my marriage. But.. "If you really want me to, I promise as one man to another - I'll stop talking to her.."
I ignored him, my wife voluntarily deleted her AIM & him from her online profiles, and I made sure to bring the email & let the therapist know about them. I admitted I had no faith they would put a stop to their communication (since this is the 2nd time this year I've asked..), but she says it's different now, and will tell me all her passwords etc and that she's completely done with him.
Sorry to hear about your wife. Sounds like you guys have had a rough go. Hopefully you can both heal and move on to a healthier place in your relationship. Good luck.
Wow.. Lord knows what she told her family on that drive to the hospital. She may not remember but they will never forget. Man I wish you both the best..
Anyway, during the therapy session I was diagnosed with Aspergers (as someone on here suggested!) - many things made sense in that light, once the therapist informed us about it.
That was me! Hooray for Internet psychiatry!
But seriously OP, it sounds like things are moving which is an extremely positive development. Boundaries have been drawn and expectations have been clearly set. Now it is up to both of you to keep your commitments to each other. And I hope you will study up on the issue of Aspergers and relationships and apply some techniques.
Even if this marriage does not survive, IMO you have learned some important lessons that you can use to live a better, more engaged life alone or with a new partner who is better suited to your temperament and personality.
I woke her up, she was in shock and wouldn't talk, so I sent him & her both an email basically saying how I felt betrayed, trusted them both, but since they talk so often and obviously have those feelings together (atleast him for her) - they should be together, and I should move on. That I'm not going to continue and start a family with someone who I don't feel secure with, and it's time for decisions to be made.
Long(er) story short - she says how the therapy made her feel hopeful about us for the first time in years, and how she sees me in a completely different light.
FINALLY you exposed this! You should of exposed it to her family too!
The nerve of her family blaming you for her suicide attempt. It was a desperate cry for attention.
He was messing with her head and she allowed it! Now that it's all out in the open, don't let up on it. Threaten to divorce if she keeps talking to him.
What that last bolded statement tells me is she respects you for finally calling her out on her bad behavior.
I truly hope that things work out for you. Be it alone or in this relationship. I cannot believe you put up with their relationship for this long as I remember your previous threads about them chatting for hours everyday.
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Hooray for Internet psychiatry!
