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How much of a pass should, ahem, expectant fathers get?
My son's 30 year old high school baseball coach hasn't been keeping us parents up to date concerning scheduling of practices and cancellations due to weather. He did send an email last week apologizing and said that his wife is pregnant, but he continued with his lack of communication. As a busy parent, it's frustrating.
Yesterday I sent an email to the athletic director. I said that he used the pregnancy as an excuse. (By the way, I'm female and gave birth to two babies, back to back.) The athletic director replied that I should have more compassion. Really?! I was kind of shocked and angry when I read this yesterday, but today I'm wondering if I was wrong.
I understand that the coach is nervous and excited and all, but shouldn't he still be required to do his job? (BTW, he's also a teacher at the school, so he doesn't have a 40 hr. job elsewhere.)
And while I'm asking....This doesn't bother me as much, but I do think it's a bit weird... He has mentioned the pregnancy to the team. I don't how many details he gave or how much he talked about it, but I asked my son if he knew and he said yes, the coach told them. I would think this would make teenage boys uncomfortable, but I'm not a teenage boy. I can see mentioning it after the baby is born, or if he needs time off. I don't know.
Honestly, I think you might be in the wrong here. I understand your frustration - I've experienced similar issues with some little league and hockey coaches, however those are volunteers. I don't think you were wrong in reaching out to the director, but you could have posed it differently. Maybe asking if there is anyone else available to help him out temporarily or to take over some of the communication to the parents, etc.
The coach's wife may be having a very difficult pregnancy, there may be numerous appointments or other issues that are impacting both of their lives. By phrasing your communication to the director differently, that would show the compassion that the director mentioned.
However, the director also could have handled it a bit differently. Rather than telling you to have compassion, he could have said something about understanding your frustration and maybe a comment about the school working with the coach on improving things.
As for mentioning the pregnancy to the team - I don't think that's a big deal at all. Assuming the coach isn't going into incredible detail about everything, I can't see why they would be uncomfortable. Did your son say he was uncomfortable?
Teaching IS a 40 hour a week job, in addition to the coaching. Just because it's not for a different company doesn't mean he doesn't still have to devote just as much time to it.
Do you know details? Maybe his wife is having complications. Maybe she is on bedrest, and he has to do everything. I think you over-reacted a bit.
I think he deserves a little slack. You have no idea what he's doing at home, or what sort of pregnancy his wife is having.
My wife is pregnant, still working full time (she's a teacher) and we have a toddler at home. Often when she gets home at 3-4pm, she's just wiped out. I'll tend to handle everything at night (dinner, dishes, laundry, cleaning, giving the kiddo a bath and doing the bed routine) just so she can sit down and rest.
As a result, I've had to leave work an hour early here and there, and have a job where I regularly have evening meetings with asia, and have had to reschedule a few, or schedule them at 9-10PM my time when everything else is done around the house and I can go back to doing my own thing.
Thanks for the replies. I think I'll just leave it alone. My husband's work schedule was never affected by my pregnancies until the day I went into labor, but everyone's different.
I should have been more clear about my feelings when I said he was a teacher. I didn't want to imply that he doesn't work hard, I meant that if he was overwhelmed, he could walk down the hall and ask for help with contacting the parents.
Concerning my son and being uncomfortable about the pregnancy, when I asked about it, it didn't seem to faze him. But, honestly, he probably wouldn't have told me if it had.
Also, it may be neither here , nor there, but I do know that the contacting parents, doing the line-ups and dealing with absences is the not so fun part of coaching. My husband has been an on and off coach for years. It's just part of the job.
VAviaCA... Thank-you for mentioning that the athletic director could have handled his response to me differently. I thought so too. ***** about me all you want to your cohorts, but be professional to my face (or computer screen, in this case).
Honestly, Radio Flyer, I must fall into the category of not having enough compassion as well because I would have reacted the same way you did. And the thing is, you have no idea if there are any complications with this pregnancy so your level of compassion can only go as far as your level of knowledge. All you know is that you rely on getting information from a man who has a pregnant wife and you aren't getting that info.
If he is overwhelmed by something going on like a complicated pregnancy or, dare I say, a high maintenance mom-to-be then he needs to make alternative arrangements regarding work matters. It's called being a responsible grown up.
Heck, if he thinks he has a lot on his plate now, just wait. Yeah boy! He's going to be in for a rude awakening.
Heck, if he thinks he has a lot on his plate now, just wait. Yeah boy! He's going to be in for a rude awakening.
Yeah, that's what I said to my husband.
And the coach isn't missing practice, he's just not emailing the practice times/changes in a timely manner, or at all. My son has to get the info. through the grapevine.
As a woman with no children, and whom does not want children, this is BS and an excuse. Yes, his wife could be having difficulties, he could be having to pick up the slack, and is crazy busy and/or distracted with worry. I get that, I have a heart. But as the coach, he should know his limits and ask for help. If this was ongoing, he could have easily emailed the parents, explaining the situation (even just saying he has other things on his mind, doesn't need to be in-depth) and ask if someone would be willing to help him. I mean, really, how hard is that?
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