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My colleague has a bad habit of complaining about the manager and team members to me. I don't say anything as I look at my screen and do my work when he is talking. This colleague has a grievance against the manager and the manager has made a counter allegation.
I find my job stressful as there is a lot of work involved and I have been covering work from a long term vacant post which was only recently filled - my role should get better once new person takes on the extra tasks. Today I forgot he was in the office and he was moaning. I don't want to get involved in office politics and hearing about the same incidents is getting me down. Other colleagues have stopped talking to him.
I can arrange my calendar to go in on the days he is not in. Anyone got any other tips? Negative people like him make the job worse.
I don't know about the OP's case, but there are some people who don't get it even when you tell them straight up. They just keep standing at your desk chatting away for an hour or more. Worked with one whom even a closed door didn't phase. They'd just open the door and come in uninvited and start yapping. You could tell them "I'm on a telecon" and they'll just respond "Oh, that doesn't bother me and keep yapping." Politely asking them to leave doesn't register with them, then you're left with being rude which they turn into them being the victim.
My colleague has a bad habit of complaining about the manager and team members to me. I don't say anything as I look at my screen and do my work when he is talking. This colleague has a grievance against the manager and the manager has made a counter allegation.
If all you do is continue working as he talks, you're sending a message that you don't mind and accept the whining. A message he's probably happy to get because he wants an ear...whether that ear is willing or not. Unless you're a total doormat, changing your work schedule just to avoid the guy shouldn't be necessary.
Instead of putting up with behavior you don't like and suffering in silence, you need to do something to send the message that you DON'T like it and you are no longer available! It's going to take longer to change his default behavior because you've put up with it up until now.
At first, try something a bit more subtle and less confrontational. Interrupt the diatribe every time it starts:
Explain that you've got a deadline to meet, you're about to leave to discuss something with another colleague, you're leaving for a break, lunch, a smoke, to attend a meeting, you're expecting a conference call or just about to make one (then pick up the phone), all sorts of ideas. Be consistent. Every time the guy starts in, stop him and actively disengage instead of ignoring him. OK, it's going to be disruptive to you initially, but what you're doing now obviously isn't working. Time to change things up.
If that doesn't work, I also agree you could inform him you prefer not to listen to his badmouthing/whining about grievances or other people. If he continues to bother you with it, give him an ultimatum and be prepared to follow through. You said others have already frozen him out. Join and borrow strength from their unified front.
Last edited by Parnassia; 04-19-2024 at 06:34 PM..
Some realities have to be stated:
There will be negative people wherever you work.
Sometimes their complaints are legitimate.
Some will never say anything positive.
Most times nothing you say or do will change them.
I stayed out of the Faculty Room precisely because of those people (something my Cooperating Teacher told me about when I student taught). Well, the women who would take off their pantyhose and put them in the freezer to "clean" them factored into my avoiding the room too.
Some people find that's a way to 'connect' with their colleagues unfortunately. I have had the displeasure of working with a few complainers recently and it's like nothing can please them. I had to just stop answering their calls/IMs or really slowing down my responses to sort of hint to them that I do not want to share in their misery.
I usually avoid these types of colleagues like the plague. Other colleagues will usually avoid them also. They will eventually feel isolated from people at the office.
OP - respectfully, you need to get comfortable with speaking your mind in a way that isn't too offensive but gets your point across in a direct and easily understood way. I mean that in a helpful way. Best of luck.
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